PIL drinking while babysitting

[PerditaNitt]

I left my 3mo DS with my inlaws this evening; this is the first time that my husband and I have been away from him for the evening and my PIL offered to stay at our house to babysit. They have looked after DS before for 2 hour stretches during the day very occasionally. I have just found out that while babysitting FIL has two beers and MIL also had a drink. Appreciate the volumes aren't massive, but I feel that any alcohol would dull the senses and slow reflexes, so should be avoided when babysitting. The baby was awake and very active this evening and would have required a lot of attention.

AIBU to feel disappointed?

[Message from MNHQ - the OP's asked us to edit out a few details here so it's less identifying]*

[Chopstick17]

When our DC were babies and small children, they were babysat(?) by my parents often. We would get in a bottle of wine and some nice nibbles, light some candles etc because we wanted them to have a nice evening. My dad would have driven over anyway so he would only have one glass. My mum wouldn't get drunk. I don't see the problem.

[Notso]

coconutpie I assume you drink and drive then.

You assume wrong then as I said up thread I can't drive.

[RufusTheSpartacusReindeer]

Massive leap there coconut

[TheHubblesWindscreenWipers]

Interesting that people are being ridiculed for saying that they stay sober around their kids. It's hardly something to mock someone for is it?

[debbs77]

I'd be worried too. It's only one night and they're in charge of a baby. What if they'd needed to drive in an emergency?

[interstellarcloudofdust]

*What if they'd needed to drive in an emergency?

*It's like groundhog day in here!

[RufusTheSpartacusReindeer]

What if they couldnt drive debbs ?

[Love51]

It's interesting how attitudes differ. I did a babysitting job for a family as a teenager, 16 or 17. They told me there was a bottle of white in the fridge and a bottle of red on the side for me. I said I'd prefer tea, so luckily they showed me where the biscuits were kept (I did drink a lot at that age, but not sat in the house by myself watching telly and doing my homework). Years later, fil and smil babysat, I was taken aback that they drank in charge of small children. I didn't say anything but it did make me less keen to leave the kids with them til they were less small (out of nappies /cots, able to make their needs known). They aren't wrong, just different to me. And I very rarely drink around the kids, only if dh isn't. And until they were older we didn't drink in the evenings at home. Alcohol just isn't a big deal to me. So long as i have tea...!

[BizzyFizzy]

Your DH survived permissive parenting.

[debbs77]

I don't even drink more than one drink in an evening as I'm solely in charge of my own children. And yes I have had to drive in an emergency and luckily hadn't had a drink!

[Notso]

I don't drink at all when it's just me and the children. It doesn't occur to me to drink on my own, I still can't drive though.

[RufusTheSpartacusReindeer]

But what if they couldnt drive debbs

As in never passed a test

[AliceTemperley]

You know what can also slow your reflexes and impair your judgement? Sleep deprivation.

[dietcokeandwine]

Playing devils advocate slightly, I'd have no problem with someone drinking a beer (not getting pissed, but enjoying a beer) whilst babysitting my baby DC.

Would have a massive issue with them drinking tea or any other hot beverage. What if they spilled the cup and scalded the baby? Or scalded themselves and needed medical treatment? Hot drinks are lethal around small children, surely? No one should drink a cup of tea within 100m of a child under 16....



OP, to an extent you're not being unreasonable, given that you're bound to be a bit paranoid as a first time parent. If I were your inlaws I wouldn't have had an alcoholic drink around your very young baby as I would assume you to have a level of paranoia that you won't have as baby gets older.

That said, if you trust your inlaws, I wouldn't fret too much.

Inevitably this kind of thread becomes divisive, as many people just don't really like alcohol so it wouldn't occur to them to drink it, and it's therefore easy to demonise those who do.

[RollerDiscoQueen]

You're being ridiculous OP.

[BummyMummy77]

Actually I may have been a little edgy about this when ds was that age. Especially the first time I'd left him. I was suffering severe anxiety and OCD after ds's birth though so I didn't even leave him with dh for over a year.

[iminshock]

Congratulations on your new baby

[daisiesinherfootsteps]

You will struggle for babysitters if you aren't happy for a grandparent to have 2 beers of an evening once pfb is safely in bed. I came onto this thread expecting them to have been found with 3-4 empty wine bottles. Drunk and incapable is obviously not ok, but a couple of beers? And if an emergency situation occurred, taxis are available. Or ambulances. Some people don't actually have cars.

[hopetobehappy]

People have nights out and leave their kids with a babysitter. Should they not drink either. After all , they've git to come home and be in charge of their kids, their relaxes will be impaired. How will they ever cope if something went wrong.

[WiIdfire]

Chinlo - the analogy of hyperactivity from sugar is just daft. How many cases of sugar-driving deaths do you know of? Drink-driving? Bit diffierent isn't it?

The simple fact is that people are really bad at knowing their limits or realising how affected they are by alcohol. All of you who say you can have a couple of beers and it not affect you, I bet you any amount of money that if it was formally tested, your reaction times would be slower. This is why drink deiving laws exist, and this is why people still kill people by driving when drunk - they believed they would be fine. Try it out. Download a 'reaction times' game, try it sober and try it after two beers. Alcohol DOES affect judgement, so why people insist it doesn't is beyond me.


Also concerning is how much sleep deprivation affects judgement but thats a whole different discussion.

[ecuse]

Unless they have an alcohol problem or there's some other back story about why you don't trust their judgement I don't think you need worry.

Most people would be nowhere near drunk after that amount. And I expect it was after the baby was bathed/in bed as that's normally when most people relax with a drink.

If you're tipsy after one drink I expect you'd have the good sense not to drink whilst in charge of a kid, so unless there's a reason not to, I'd credit your ILs with the same and not being it up with them.

[ecuse]

*bring

[poppopp]

I'm amazed at the people here who seem to expect parents to be teetotal for 18 years, it's bringing me out in a cold sweat

[CanuckBC]

I am with you PerditaNitt, this would upset me. The PIL would
Know this is the first time you have gone out with the babe so are more nervous and anxious the the norm. Everyone is with their first! It's all so new and the learning curve is so high🍼
Alcohol as a whole is less consumed on the daily here. I would be pretty choked if I came home to my PIL or my parents and found them having consumed alcohol after babysitting my children. Especially when they were baby's and I was in the throes of first time mom anxiety and having really bad PPD with a colicky baby. It would have set me off.

I truly see no need to drink when watching other people's children. It's one night for five hours. Being able to love on their grandchild and get baby snuggles should release enough endorphins for the night to relax. The baby smiles and milk "drunk" look are to die for:)

You now know where your line is and who to als and not to ask in the future.

All of these stories of babysitters being offered alcohol when babysitting people's children stuns me! I was offered snacks and sometimes pop, never ever alcohol.

[CanuckBC]

All the errors! I need to remember to preview and fix my errors as you can't go back and edit after. Sorry, it's 3am here and I am on my small 4s iPhone😜