PIL drinking while babysitting

[PerditaNitt]

I left my 3mo DS with my inlaws this evening; this is the first time that my husband and I have been away from him for the evening and my PIL offered to stay at our house to babysit. They have looked after DS before for 2 hour stretches during the day very occasionally. I have just found out that while babysitting FIL has two beers and MIL also had a drink. Appreciate the volumes aren't massive, but I feel that any alcohol would dull the senses and slow reflexes, so should be avoided when babysitting. The baby was awake and very active this evening and would have required a lot of attention.

AIBU to feel disappointed?

• [Message from MNHQ - the OP's asked us to edit out a few details here so it's less identifying]

as long as they are not getting pissed, i dont see the issue at all and hope you didnt show them your disapproval

If there is a moderate emergency and we had to go to hospital, I would call for a taxi (and if it was really serious, an ambulance).

My parents and PiL have looked after DD on many occasions. I have no idea if/how much they would have had to drink - I tell them to help themselves to whatever they like. I trust them not to get so drunk that they couldn't care for her, just as I trust myself not to do the same thing.

And two beers over five hours would probably be completely legal to drive. Unless he downed them both in the half-hour before you came home

I think they made it into a pleasant little occasion, a night away from home.. A little drink while babysitting when there's two of them isn't going to do any harm at all. They sound lovely.

My Dd always got me a nice bottle of wine when I slept at her house to babysit. It was always a pleasant relaxed evening for me. She trusted me 100%.

YANBU. Why couldn't they have not had a few drinks on the one night they babysit their DGC for a few hours. I wouldn't be happy about that at all. I'm sure people wouldn't be so dismissive of the OP if she were talking about a non-family babysitter or childminder doing the same.

Yabu.

They sound very responsible.

They brought your DP up just fine didn't they?! I know it's hard when it's your first but you will relax as he gets older. I look back at what used to panic me now and I have to laugh!

This would bother me too op

I have three DC and another on the way

I rarely drink anyway but I would expect someone watching my DC to be able to abstain for a few hours

I would say it's different having a beer when babysitting 8am-1pm than having a beer on a 6-11pm. If the baby was "in bed" and they were just supervising sleep time then there is no real problem.

coconutpie there is a major difference between family providing free childcare and a paid babysitter or childminder.
I sometimes have a few wines at lunch time then pick my kids up from school, I do not expect the teachers to drink wine with lunch.

YADNBU I'd be furious if someone I thought I could trust drank alcohol when in charge of my kids. I never drink unless my husband abstains. There should always be a 100% sober adult when children are involved. Especially tiny 3 month old babies!

"dull the senses and slow reflexes" for fucks sake, they're looking after a baby not playing a tennis match.

I personally think that they should have refrained from drinking. Ffs. A three month old and parents first time leaving baby. It's not like they put baby massively in danger, more that it's bad form to drink alcohol when in charge of someone else's child. In my opinion.

Depends where you are, for example, in Scotland they would both be over the legal limit for driving. I would not be happy about it so YANBU. And personally if you can't go one evening without alcohol you have a fucking problem.

if they drink every night it wouldn't be very pleasant for them to forego the pleasure, and nor should you make them.

at tennis match!

"dull the senses and slow reflexes" fucks sake, they're looking after a baby not playing a tennis match

This. OP, YABU and waaay OTT.

And personally if you can't go one evening without alcohol you have a fucking problem.l

Oh my god again, there is no suggestion that they couldn't, they obviously didn't feel they had to! She didn't ask them to and they clearly (shock horror) trust themselves to be in charge of a 3 month old after TWO whole beers!

There are times on MN when my eyes cannot roll back into my head far enough. Really.

I think YABVU.
And PFB - but then you know that really 😊
I'm sure they had a lovely relaxed time with your little one. And hopefully will babysit again for you. If you make a big deal of this and make them feel bad then they may not be so forthcoming. They did you a big favour and I'm sure the last thing they wanted to do was upset you. I can't imagine that this was malicious.

Plus, and I'm not meaning to sound like a knob here, I look after a 4 year old, 2 year old and breastfeed a 5 month old and have two beers. It's fine.

With your concerns it would be much easier to pay a babysitter. If trusted adults are taking time out to do you a favour then it's bloody rude to also dictate whether or not they have a drink.

Of course they could have gone a night without drinking, but its probably not a big deal to them. Many parents have a glass of wine etc, after the children are in bed, this is NO different.

If there was an emergency, the situation is exactly the same as if the parents had shared a bottle of wine - taxi or ambulance. Yes children are precious, and babysitters shouldn't get drunk, but complaining about a small amount of alcohol seems laughable to me.

And I'm a life long teetotaler.

I'm in the minority but I wouldn't be happy

There has been previous alcohol and substance abuse in the family and I think that may be clouding my judgement a bit a lot.

Yabu but so would I so your not alone.