Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

PIL drinking while babysitting

157 replies

PerditaNitt · 08/10/2016 01:11

I left my 3mo DS with my inlaws this evening; this is the first time that my husband and I have been away from him for the evening and my PIL offered to stay at our house to babysit. They have looked after DS before for 2 hour stretches during the day very occasionally. I have just found out that while babysitting FIL has two beers and MIL also had a drink. Appreciate the volumes aren't massive, but I feel that any alcohol would dull the senses and slow reflexes, so should be avoided when babysitting. The baby was awake and very active this evening and would have required a lot of attention.

AIBU to feel disappointed?

[Message from MNHQ - the OP's asked us to edit out a few details here so it's less identifying]

OP posts:

ollieplimsoles · 08/10/2016 01:56

Well if you trust them that's the most important thing op, I'm sure they know their limits.

lottie no that's not what I'm saying. I just found it odd coming from a family that doesn't drink a lot at all, that they had to have a drink while watching a three month old baby for five hours.

But the op said she trusts her in laws, so it depends on the people and situation.

For instance: I love my step dad to bits, he's great with dd, but he's awful at regulating his alcohol intake and drinks way too quickly without realising how many he is having, he's one of those people who.are wrecked all of a sudden. As a result I would be annoyed if I found out he had been drinking when in charge of dd.

My pil are the same, horrible when alcohol comes out and in general so I wouldn't be happy at all if I found out they had drank sprits and looked after dd.

Original poster

PerditaNitt · 08/10/2016 02:00

Thanks to everyone for your responses - really appreciate it! Have a super weekend (whether you're drinking or )

OP posts:

supermoon100 · 08/10/2016 07:01

If a relative or friend babysits for me i always make sure there is beer or wine in the fridge. They deserve it!

bigfriendlygiant · 08/10/2016 07:25

That amount of an entire evening is fine.

"Don't understand people who have to drink"

Some people like tea in the evening some people like a glass of wine or beer. I couldn't drink tea with my steak, I'd go for wine, I'm not an alcoholic - I like the taste and I don't drink to get pissed (most of the time).

I'd trust my parents after a couple of wines more than I'd trust my ILs sober (they will never be left alone with my child).

ZenNudist · 08/10/2016 07:39

Yabu and pfb.

I think non-drinkers can be very judgemental towards drinkers. Well done you for developing healthy tastes and habits. Clearly staying off the booze better than drinking (regardless of whether there's a baby about). Still, some people like it and it's legal.

Agree it makes no difference to ability to look after one 3 month old. I'm sure they were careful.

danTDM · 08/10/2016 07:57

Good grief. YAobviouslyBVVVU

GardeningWithDynamite · 08/10/2016 08:05

So were they driving home after drinking?

mum2Bomg · 08/10/2016 08:06

I really struggle with things like this. It would be useful to hear what people think...

As I used to work in childcare I always assumed that anyone left in charge of someone else's child wouldn't drink...however, the reality has proved very different. I have family members who have massive parties in a house full of kids and the adults get wasted. I'm not judging but how can people looking after children behave in ways that would get any childcarer sacked.

I.e. If you left your child at nursery and came back and they all had a beer in their hands you'd be astonished, yet this is fine amongst families.

I really don't know any more!

mum2Bomg · 08/10/2016 08:07

And if it makes "no difference in their ability to look after a three year old" would you not notice/be bothered if a childminder did this?

poppopp · 08/10/2016 08:09

Two beers! Lol!

WiIdfire · 08/10/2016 08:10

I think it's perfectly fine to drink alcohol while you have your own kids there. But I also wouldn't drink while looking after someone elses kids. There's no need, and you are less familiar with them and their house.

I also don't think you should drink at all when you are driving, even if it is legal.

instantly · 08/10/2016 08:11

I'm wondering how fast your baby is, if you're concerned about slow reflexes?!

And you can drink when you're breastfeeding.....

Pineapplemilkshake · 08/10/2016 08:14

YABU. I often babysit my nieces and nephews and have one or two glasses of wine while doing so - I mean on a Saturday night, not during the day. I also did the same when DS was a baby.

If you confront them about it - you'll potentially be at risk of losing any future babysitting services from them! I know if I'd said anything like this to my parents they'd have told me to do one.

insancerre · 08/10/2016 08:15

Mum2bong

There's a massive difference between doing a job and looking after family

I work in early years, I'm a manager of a nursery but I don't see anything wrong with having a couple of drinks with children in the house

LivinOnAChair · 08/10/2016 08:18

I wish people would fuck off with the pfb shite, if I was looking after someone else's baby no way would I have a drink. There's every other night of the week for that if they want to, if there had been an emergency and someone needed to drive (two beers is over the limit unit wise whether it's cans, pints or bottles by the way) what would have happened then? OP I agree with you, I'd be disappointed if I'd left my DS with someone and they couldn't even not have a drink for a couple of hours.

Haworthiia · 08/10/2016 08:19

Actually I don't think yabu. My pils always drink and when we were on holiday with them (never, ever, ever again) they 'looked after' sil's baby by putting her in her cot in a non secure room, and going down to the bar for several drinks. They couldn't see or hear her but hey - it was ok because they 'popped back to check' a couple of times. They are never looking after ds overnight after that stunt. My folks like a tipple but don't drink if they're looking after ds

It's not so much the amount, more the fact that it ... I don't know, it just doesn't sit right with me somehow. If you hired a babysitter and they had a couple of stiff G&Ts you'd be pretty pissed off. What if they'd needed to drive?

Nicnak2223 · 08/10/2016 08:21

Yabu as you didn't tell them you don't want them to drink.

I have a 10month breastfed Ds and would happily have a glass or 2 of wine, I would also leave him with family overnight (although only twice) and expect that they will have wine in the evening. However he is your child if you don't want your baby sitters drinking tell them and they should respect that.

The amount if threads that are started on here from about 4pm asking if anyone else is having wine tonight, I would assume the amount of parents drinking whilst in charge of children is high.

Saying all of this big difference between 2 beers or a glass of wine and parents being wasted/unable to look after children

RhiWrites · 08/10/2016 08:22

If there had been an emergency they'd have called an ambulance. They wouldn't have had a car seat anyway so no need for the red herring.

It's PFB to expect someone doing you a favour to abstain from a normal part of life. A couple of beers is not going to impede their care of a child.

Haworthiia · 08/10/2016 08:22

Yeah, livin several times I've had to refuse getting in the car with fil after 'just a couple' of beers.
If you're driving, you don't drink. This attitude of having the max you can to just keep under the limit is dangerous.
Having a few drinks is lovely - but not when driving or in sole charge of someone's kids.

jazzypants101 · 08/10/2016 08:23

Sorry but i'm another one who wonders why they couldn't just go 1 night without having a drink.

My in laws did this with ds when he was around the same age, fil had actually been out to the pub and was wasted when we got back, it was 11pm and ds was getting his nappy changed by a pissed mil using the sponge out the sink to clean him .

Whenever they have watched him they have drunk (more mil) so i'm inclined to ask my own mum which upsets them but the fact people would come to mind a baby and feel the need to have a drink would worry me.

Julius02 · 08/10/2016 08:24

I enjoy a drink but if having GC overnight will not have more than one in case I need to drive. No-one's said I can't have a drink, I just prefer not to.

I think a couple of beers over the course of an evening sounds fine.

stitchglitched · 08/10/2016 08:25

I'm with you OP. I think it wouldn't have done them any harm to avoid alcohol for a few hours whilst looking after a tiny baby. Hopefully they bathed him before drinking but it would still make me feel a bit uncomfortable.

mum2Bomg · 08/10/2016 08:25

But surely the situation is the same. You have two adults, looking after a baby - does it matter whether they're parents/friends/IL's/paid professionals? The principle is the same...should they feel free to drink? If not, why not.

I just don't think people are entitled to do what they want if you would sack a professional carer for doing the exact same thing. I really struggle with this. I don't impose my view on family/friends with children but I do stop drinking if there are children in the house and their parents are 'on it', in case there is an emergency, someone needs to go to hospital etc.

poppopp · 08/10/2016 08:28

Sorry but i'm another one who wonders why they couldn't just go 1 night without having a drink.

But why should they? Sorry but are people trying to suggest that anyone in charge of a child should be teetotal?? I had a lovely glass wine the first night I was home from the hospital with dd! It was delicious. And I was breastfeeding.

LivinOnAChair · 08/10/2016 08:30

Nope sorry RhiWrites, if someone was watching my kids I'd expect them not to drink whether they were my 'PFB', second born or bloody twentieth born.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Swipe left for the next trending thread