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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think dh is working and my friend is overreacting and a bit needy

58 replies

Thefishewife · 07/10/2016 17:29

Rang my friend last week but she was busy I assume so left a message just asking how her dd got off to uni and how she was doing Ect

She rang me back later that day but I was cooking and looking after the little ones so rang her back the next day she was at work so couldn't talk

This brings us to about Thursday on Friday she what's apps me saying she is feeling down I have hidden my app and turned off the notifications as it was pinging all nite so I didn't get the message until Saturday I couldn't ring during the day as I have 3 children and it seems eveytime I am on the phone they start being sill so I thought I should wait until they were in bed phoned her Saturday nite

She texted she was in the bath so I rang her back on Sunday while I was alone at car boot she didn't pick up

I haven't heard for her since then yesterday I saw her outside nursey and I called out to her saying oh hi and she waved at me as to shoo me away she didn't even say hello
dh said I should have answered her call stright away and she would still be speaking to me but I can't be expected to drop everything because she's called I don't think you should expect to be replied to always stright away bloody hell we just kept missing each other it wasn't deliberate😳

I know she felt low and I got back to her as soon as I could

OP posts:
Original poster
Thefishewife · 07/10/2016 17:29

Wrong 😳😳😳😳 not working

OP posts:
Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 · 07/10/2016 17:32

I am with dh. Even a quick call would have done. Sorry.

RhiWrites · 07/10/2016 17:33

I'm torn. She contacted you on Friday saying she was down and although you did try contacting her it wasn't as high a priority for you another things. By the time she saw you on Thursday nearly a week has past without the two of you getting to speak.

I think you could have tried a bit harder, maybe texted her to ask what was up or something about you were sorry you kept missing her and you did want to talk.

It's quite hurtful when you reach out to a friend for support and they're not there.

GettingMuckyFingersCrossed · 07/10/2016 17:39

She's hurt she didn't hear from you . You need to explain about your phone and , if it was me , I'd apologise

memyselfandaye · 07/10/2016 17:40

Saying you can't use the phone during the day is a ridiculous excuse.

You really could'nt have found 10 minutes out of how many days to give a friend in need a call?

I think you've been a crap friend, stop making excuses and just admit to yourself you could'nt be bothered.

JellyBelli · 07/10/2016 17:42

When you contacted her she was at work or in the bath, she could have got back to you after those calls but she didnt.
Are you now supposed to go running after her and apologise? I wouldnt.

debbs77 · 07/10/2016 17:43

You are not being unreasonable! You tried! I never use my phone when the kids are around as it gets crazy and stressful and a total nightmare!!

jessica29054 · 07/10/2016 17:44

I am not with the consensus here. I don't think you were crap and I think shooing someone away is very rude.

Jizzomelette · 07/10/2016 17:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

myownprivateidaho · 07/10/2016 17:46

Nah, you tried to call her several times. She should have called back.

Imnotaslimjim · 07/10/2016 17:48

I totally get where you're coming from. When you did try to call back, she didn't answer but she expects you to be available to answer whenever is convenient for her even though you have young children (and I totally understand that one, DD used to kick off terrible with DS whenever I was on the phone)

I'd text and explain about whatsapp being off, give a definite time when you can call her and ask if that will be ok. If she doesn't reply or answer when you call, I don't know what else you can do.

GahBuggerit · 07/10/2016 17:49

Friend is being needy, she could have rang you back after her bath, or spoke to you in the bath.

yanbu she sounds like hard work

VoldysGoneMouldy · 07/10/2016 17:51

YABU.

buttfacedmiscreant · 07/10/2016 17:52

If you didn't see the message until Saturday then it is perfectly acceptable that you didn't call until then. I think a text saying "sorry, didn't see this earlier, will call when kids in bed...?" would have helped though and when she texted "in bath" it would have been helpful to text back "want me to call tomorrow?"

Not everyone checks their phone several times a day. You tried twice and the phone lines go both ways, she could have called.

potentialqualms · 07/10/2016 18:05

I don't jump every time my phone beeps at me but knowing a friend was down after seeing her DS of to Uni, I wouldn't have left it more than 24 hours.

NapQueen · 07/10/2016 18:06

Couldn't you have just what sapped and arranged a time between you?

PrivatePike · 07/10/2016 18:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

228agreenend · 07/10/2016 18:09

i don't think you did anything wrong. She could have contacted you after the bath or after work.

Planty18 · 07/10/2016 18:12

I never have time to make calls in the day with the kids and all the stuff they have going on and you did actually try to call her it sounds like several times. Just phone her, say you're sorry you didn't catch her, say you have tried but you keep missing each other. If she doesn't pick up then leave a message, or text her. Her reaction is over the top but I think you should still try and see what's up.

Losingtheplod · 07/10/2016 18:14

I think your friend is being bizarre. You have been trying to get hold of her for days, its hardly your fault if she was in the bath, at work, or otherwise busy when you called. It sounds like you have made plenty of effort to me.

TheNaze73 · 07/10/2016 18:15

YANBU, she's being far too needy and is out of order treating you like that

worldsworstchildren · 07/10/2016 18:15

Yanbu. I have same problem sometimes. You did try to get back to her and when you contacted her it obviously wasn't convenient for her then. It's just one of those things

GoofyTheHero · 07/10/2016 18:17

YANBU. You tried to call her several times. Are you supposed to drop everything else to keep trying over and over?
Shooing a friend away is never acceptable, it's childish. Why couldn't she have said 'I'm upset we haven't managed to speak'. You know, like an adult.

EweAreHere · 07/10/2016 18:19

I don't think you were being unreasonable; your friend sounds like hard work.

Yes, she's having a difficult time perhaps, but you also have a busy life and you did try to call her back. She needs to think about others' lives, too, not just her own.

AmeliaJack · 07/10/2016 18:23

I think YANBU, you tried to ring her 3 times. She wasn't available any of those times.

I consider myself a good friend but I wouldn't expect that to include being available 24/7.

Her DD left for uni, that's a normal thing. It's not like someone died or she had terrible health news.