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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think dh is working and my friend is overreacting and a bit needy

58 replies

Thefishewife · 07/10/2016 17:29

Rang my friend last week but she was busy I assume so left a message just asking how her dd got off to uni and how she was doing Ect

She rang me back later that day but I was cooking and looking after the little ones so rang her back the next day she was at work so couldn't talk

This brings us to about Thursday on Friday she what's apps me saying she is feeling down I have hidden my app and turned off the notifications as it was pinging all nite so I didn't get the message until Saturday I couldn't ring during the day as I have 3 children and it seems eveytime I am on the phone they start being sill so I thought I should wait until they were in bed phoned her Saturday nite

She texted she was in the bath so I rang her back on Sunday while I was alone at car boot she didn't pick up

I haven't heard for her since then yesterday I saw her outside nursey and I called out to her saying oh hi and she waved at me as to shoo me away she didn't even say hello
dh said I should have answered her call stright away and she would still be speaking to me but I can't be expected to drop everything because she's called I don't think you should expect to be replied to always stright away bloody hell we just kept missing each other it wasn't deliberate😳

I know she felt low and I got back to her as soon as I could

OP posts:
Sara107 · 07/10/2016 18:27

You were the one that initiated contact in the first place to see how she was (nice of you, proactive) and you both kept missing each other for a few days. If she was so desperate to speak to you, she could have taken your call in the bath (if she was able to text surely she was able to speak). I can't see that you have done anything wrong or unsupportive and she sounds really rude and petty to be shooing at you when you tried to speak to her.

Heidi41 · 07/10/2016 18:28

She sounds like a right pita dh is wrong yanbu I think you should drop her...what a drama queen id she was that down she would be too upset to care about you getting back to her attention seeking!

m0therofdragons · 07/10/2016 18:30

Hmmm if my friend messaged saying she was low I would have popped some flowers round to leave on her doorstep. I have 3 dc too but it's hard to be honest when you're low so the fact she told you would mean she really needed you.

fc301 · 07/10/2016 18:33

So what she's got going on is really important ... but all the stuff you've got going on is not?? Selfish.

milkshakeandmonstermunch · 07/10/2016 18:34

The shooing was very rude! I'm with you OP. You tried to call her back but you kept missing one another. It happens.

user1471446905 · 07/10/2016 18:35

You were fine, she is being ridiculous. Sounds like attention seeking, if she is unhappy with you she needs to say that, not shoo you away, immature behaviour from an adult.

Didyoumeantobesorude1 · 07/10/2016 18:40

Shooing away? very rude. Take that as meaning she wants nothing to do with you and don't bother contacting her again.

StVincent · 07/10/2016 18:43

I agree with motherofdragons - "it's hard to be honest when you're low so the fact she told you would mean she really needed you."

Obviously I don't know you or your friend, but unless she's usually a drama queen I can say from experience it can be very hard to reach out to a mate and be honest when you feel depressed. Luckily when I've had occasion to do it, they've sent me nice messages saying they understood and asking if I wanted to talk. I understand that you tried to call a couple of times, but I think the fact that you could have sent her a nice, supportive message literally any time in the last week and (probably in her view) didn't think she was worth the trouble, might have really hurt her.

TBH I don't really think it's anyone's fault - you're busy, she may be touchy, but she's obviously upset (both before you, and because of you), so if you're a true friend it's worth reaching out to her and saying sorry, I should have messaged you before, let's find a good time to talk, sorry you're not feeling too good at the moment.

gleam · 07/10/2016 18:44

I think you did ok. She could have called you back or even had a quick natter in the bath. The shooing away was very rude.

StVincent · 07/10/2016 18:45

Also, I have heard from friends going through difficult times that sometimes they can't bear to answer the phone as they're too upset to talk, or they can't think of anything to say, or they don't want to be a miseryguts at their friend (however nice that friend is). So all the "if she wanted to be in touch she could have answered/rung back" squad should consider that if this ever crops up in their lives.

I'm not being melodramatic. Maybe she's just a pain. But maybe she's more upset than you know, and we all need to look after each other a bit at those times.

SpecialStains · 07/10/2016 18:48

No, you are not being unreasonable! Your friend sounds hard work and needy. I get that she was down, but it's not your responsibility to fix that and she should be adult enough to understand you have a family and children who are your priority.

Helmetbymidnight · 07/10/2016 18:50

Blimey, YANBU.

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 07/10/2016 18:52

You did absolutely nothing wrong.

There was a misunderstanding in that you didn't get her message until Saturday. When you received it, you called as soon as you didn't have children to care for that evening - sensible given that she was feeling sensitive.

She didn't call you back that evening or the following day after you called her again!

I think she has been rude.

But she clearly isn't thinking rationally.

StVincent · 07/10/2016 18:53

I genuinely don't get why all this obsession with phoning. Wouldn't it have been sensible to realise this wasn't working out and respond by text at some point?

MagikarpetRide · 07/10/2016 18:54

It is hard to reach out and tell someone you're feeling low but the friend whatsapped it, in which you can see when the message is delivered and read. Friend would have been aware the message wasn't seen. The friend could have made further contact if she had really wanted to.

I think you've done enough op.

diddl · 07/10/2016 18:55

It's all very well your husband saying that you should have answered her call straight away-but is he ever about so that you can make or take a call in peace??

Pollyanna9 · 07/10/2016 18:56

I've not got any particular comment but wondered if she has kids or not?

My BF and I (from when our kids were newborns to about the age of 3) would routinely be in the middle of a phone call and one of us would just slam the phone down cos they'd fallen badly or some such business had gone on that needed our immediate attention.

We never called each other straight back (days could do by!) we just knew that's how it was and the kids came first. It was never held against each other.

We also fell out a good couple of times. We just made up after a time and got on with it.

Muskateersmummy · 07/10/2016 18:57

I don't really understand why you didn't whatsapp her on sat when you saw the message to see, hectic with the kids, are you around tonight for a call?

And again once she text she was in the bath, why not a text to say, sorry your down, will you be able tomorrow for a chat?

I think she's over reacting but not sure why you didn't make arrangement for a suitable time for you both to chat if you keep missing each other's calls/messages

WuTangFlan · 07/10/2016 19:03

Why do you not text each other to find out when would be convenient to talk?! "Are you free for a chat tonight?", "No, tomorrow though?", "Great, 8pm?" "Lovely, speak then." It's not rocket science!!

Lovewineandchocs · 07/10/2016 19:06

I agree with muskateer and wu. I also think you should give her a call and sort things out.

ecuse · 07/10/2016 19:07

She's being needy - you did call her a few times but she didn't answer. I guess until you find out what's up you won't know whether it was justifiably needy. It would get my back up, though. Life's busy and friends who whine about you not getting in touch 'enough' are a drag.

StVincent · 07/10/2016 19:11

Nooooo lovewine - she needs to bloody TEXT and find out :)

StVincent · 07/10/2016 19:11

*sort things out

GabsAlot · 07/10/2016 19:17

i dont answer alot when im busy neither do my friends

its not offiensive we just havent got time

op called her first why is her friend now pissed off

Sara107 · 07/10/2016 19:28

StVincent, yes the friend said she was feeling down, but in fact it was the OP who reached out to her in the first place and gave her a call to find out how she was. So it was not a case of the unhappy friend asking for help and then being ignored. And the friend knocked her back several times, because she was at work, in the bath, or just not answering the phone. I would not get the feeling from that that my friend was desperate to talk to me.