To think dh is working and my friend is overreacting and a bit needy

[Thefishewife]

Rang my friend last week but she was busy I assume so left a message just asking how her dd got off to uni and how she was doing Ect

She rang me back later that day but I was cooking and looking after the little ones so rang her back the next day she was at work so couldn't talk

This brings us to about Thursday on Friday she what's apps me saying she is feeling down I have hidden my app and turned off the notifications as it was pinging all nite so I didn't get the message until Saturday I couldn't ring during the day as I have 3 children and it seems eveytime I am on the phone they start being sill so I thought I should wait until they were in bed phoned her Saturday nite

She texted she was in the bath so I rang her back on Sunday while I was alone at car boot she didn't pick up

I haven't heard for her since then yesterday I saw her outside nursey and I called out to her saying oh hi and she waved at me as to shoo me away she didn't even say hello
dh said I should have answered her call stright away and she would still be speaking to me but I can't be expected to drop everything because she's called I don't think you should expect to be replied to always stright away bloody hell we just kept missing each other it wasn't deliberate😳

I know she felt low and I got back to her as soon as I could

You could have replied on whatsapp when you saw the message, my friends and I no longer phone each other for chatting and even converse about important things through whatsapp, sometimes facebook or email. Means you can reply whenever is convenient. I agree, it is really hard to chat on the phone with little ones around, which is why I think sending a message back would have been better. That all said, I don't think YABU as you tried to contact her back, you weren't completely ignoring her.

I've been thinking about this thread today. I badly needed a bit of support from a friend recently.

I emailed, messaged and WhatsApp'd her. She hasn't responded to any of them. I don't assume she doesn't care or has fallen out with me, I'm just assuming she has her own stuff going on.

I'm an adult it's not her job to look after me. I just picked another friend and reached out to them instead. No need for drama.

Couldn't you have plonked the DC in front of the TV for half an hour so you could have called her? I think you could have made more of an effort for a friend in need.

I feel kind of karmic about this kind of thing - be a good friend to others and they'll be a good friend to you. Maintaining friendships when you have children takes time and effort. From this it doesn't sound hugely like you want to be bothered.

stvincent

I know she felt low and I got back to her as soon as I could

No, you didn't. You could have phoned her back the same day as she phoned the first time, for instance after the children had gone to bed. Or the next day, when she was home from work.

I'd say she's annoyed that you didn't respond to her what's app msg - as u can see when they have been read. I simple.msg back of 'hope your ok, iv all the kids, will ring u tonight'.

She avoided u since what's app msg. Making excuse she's in the bath and then avoiding your calls.

She may be needy or she may be a friend having a really tough time and was reaching out

I think she's being overly needy and YANBU, OP.

Since when did you sign up to be her emotional carer?

Whilst it's nice if friends can support each other it should never become an obligation. It seems this has crossed the line into obligation, the shooing away thing is just weird clearly she feels you owe her something but I don't think you do. To me this behaviour would be a massive red flag that she's become overly dependent on you to be a crutch for her in times of emotional need.

YANBU. It sounds to me as though you made a big effort to get in touch. I am forever reading messages and not replying, and so do my friends! None of us are offended by that, we all have busy lives, and we're not responsible for each other, but there when we are able to be. If she is busy in the bath, then she should surely understand if you are busy taking care of your children! She sounds like she wants it all on her terms to me.