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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want a supermarket card for my 50th

71 replies

whatisforteamum · 06/10/2016 22:49

Plenty of times my dh has bought cards from garages and on my 30th he whizzed out first thing and bought one before i got up.
Recently he has been a bit better.He said we could go to a hotel for the weekend as a special treat i a fav place.Then the golf lads invited him on a luxury 2 day golf break.He spent more than we wouldve on a hotel.I just have the one day off now .I hoped he would make an effort as its not everyday your 50.
i have seen he has been to the supermarket and bought a card....after almost 30yrs together i would expect more tbh.Would this be good enough for you? am i ungrateful and expecting too much:(

OP posts:
Carrados · 06/10/2016 22:54

YADNBU. Your 'D'H should be treating you on your birthday.

IminaPickle · 06/10/2016 22:57

Is the golf weekend the weekend you were going away? Sad
I'd make a stand over this- just because he's choosing to go on the golf weekend doesn't mean you shouldn't have the birthday weekend too.
Flowers

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp · 06/10/2016 23:02

How do you know there's not 'more' to go with the card?

IMO cards are dated and a waste

Boogers · 06/10/2016 23:09

You know the threads where women are advised to sod the husband and go on a spa weekend? Well this is one of those times where that advice is spot on.

You're 50, he's behaving like an inconsiderate arse.

Do you have anything else planned for your birthday? Dinner with friends maybe?

TheCraicDealer · 06/10/2016 23:14

Fuck the card, the real issue is him dumping you on your 50th birthday weekend for a golf trip. What did you do for his?

daisychain01 · 06/10/2016 23:16

How does he treat you the rest of the year?

If he's an arse on the other 364 days, then YABVVU for not LTBing him decades ago!

Im the world's finest judgey-Mcjudgeypants about the effort that goes into a card or present. You can't disguise a last minute panic buy from the petrol station. No excuse accepted, there is at least 51 weeks' notice to get organised!

Chasingsquirrels · 06/10/2016 23:17

I don't understand what is wrong with buying a card from a supermarket?
Is the issue that you expect he hasn't hot anything else for you?

daisychain01 · 06/10/2016 23:21

Because it smacks of convenience, can't be arsed and being bereft of any imagination.

BackforGood · 06/10/2016 23:25

Tbh, i don't mind where my cards come from - is that a thing now? Confused

The real issue is offering you a weekend away, then standing you up to spend the time with his ates.

BackforGood · 06/10/2016 23:25

*mates

GiddyOnZackHunt · 06/10/2016 23:30

I'm guessing if he was a decent husband then a supermarket card would be just fine.

WatchingFromTheWings · 06/10/2016 23:35

I don't mind shop bought cards, though I make cards myself. Maybe he has something else planned? I think it's very unfair of him to book a weekend with the lads in place of your weekend away. How about booking a spa day for you and s friend(s)? He pays, of course (as your birthday present).

FlyingElbows · 06/10/2016 23:36

It was my 40th birthday yesterday. Mr Elbows didn't even remember let alone get a crappy supermarket card! It's a good job I'm not arsed about birthdays. If however he'd gone on a golf weekend I'd have hit him with his bloody golf clubs.

Original poster
whatisforteamum · 06/10/2016 23:54

He came home today...exhausted and my birthdays fri.My point is we NEVER spend £200 like that as as ive worked the last few days of double shifts there are chores to do,Admittedly he has just mopped the floor and washed up,I tried to ask him and he became v angry and after walking off went to bed and shut his eyes saying he cant do this anymore.He is a manchild who sulks.
On his 50th we had small dcs one had a school trip to be dropped on and i made a champagne bottle cake as we still had a mortgage.
I think he has put his mates before me once too often TBH.:(

OP posts:
Original poster
whatisforteamum · 06/10/2016 23:55

Happy belated 40th flying elbows :)

OP posts:
thehugemanatee · 06/10/2016 23:59

I'm not sure I understand the card thing. Isn't a card a card no matter where it's bought? Is there some reason buying from a card shop is better than a supermarket? I always buy cards from the supermarket. It's convenient.

I don't think the card is the issue here though, it's the weekend away. He should have booked a hotel for you on a different day if he wanted to go golfing, not gone golfing instead of the hotel

AgentProvocateur · 07/10/2016 00:00

I thought you meant a supermarket card as in a pre-loaded Asda card!

Original poster
whatisforteamum · 07/10/2016 00:04

ha ha Agent that is probably the present :) I buy cards inexpensively however i do this in advance for people especially big birthdays.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 07/10/2016 00:09

Its not the fact that he got the card from a supermarket at all is it? I have found some great cards in supermarkets.

Its the fact that that is all he could be arsed to do. The fact that he doesnt give a toss that its your birthday and would rather spend a hell of a lot more money on himself. And the fact that when you call him on it he has a childish fucking tantrum.

Will you still be with him for your next birthday? Please say that you wont.

Scarydinosaurs · 07/10/2016 00:10

Sorry I can't follow this at all. Could you please answer the questions so it makes sense?

  1. Are you still going away for your birthday?
  2. Why does the golf weekend matter? How doesn't this impact your birthday?
  3. Why does the supermarket card matter if that is where you buy them too?
  4. I don't understand what you did for his birthday- school trip? Champagne cake? Could you explain?
Original poster
whatisforteamum · 07/10/2016 00:15

I doubt it bogeyface
,He lay still with his eyes shut and when i asked if he wanted his own life just doing his own thing he said he was going to sleep which is what he does on all conversations or arguements..very frustrating.
I always thought we would do things together when the dcs were leaving home.

OP posts:
Original poster
whatisforteamum · 07/10/2016 00:21

1
no trip for me a day out if i like.
2 the golf trip takes energy time and money we could ve both enjoyed
3 i dont dash out and buy cards i read the words and choose them for the person
4 i made a lovely cake for us and the dcs to enjoy and spend the day with him.Unfortunately the school trip for ds was running late and we were unable to go to london and return for pick up (not my fault)

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 07/10/2016 00:26

The old "I want to do what I want and you are not allowed to tell me that I am being a selfish arse"

The worse thing is with men like this is that they think that you are leaving them over your birthday, and not the years of shit you have put up with before this.

I suggest you tell him that on his return from the golf trip, he neednt bother coming home.

Bogeyface · 07/10/2016 00:40

*worst

Original poster
whatisforteamum · 07/10/2016 04:17

That is spot on bogeyface :)

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