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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want a supermarket card for my 50th

71 replies

whatisforteamum · 06/10/2016 22:49

Plenty of times my dh has bought cards from garages and on my 30th he whizzed out first thing and bought one before i got up.
Recently he has been a bit better.He said we could go to a hotel for the weekend as a special treat i a fav place.Then the golf lads invited him on a luxury 2 day golf break.He spent more than we wouldve on a hotel.I just have the one day off now .I hoped he would make an effort as its not everyday your 50.
i have seen he has been to the supermarket and bought a card....after almost 30yrs together i would expect more tbh.Would this be good enough for you? am i ungrateful and expecting too much:(

OP posts:
guinnessgirl · 07/10/2016 08:20

This isn't about the card really, is it? The more you reveal, the more it becomes obvious that your husband is behaving like a hugely selfish man child and this is the final straw. I'm sorry, OP. I'll echo the PP who suggested you take yourself off for a spa day/weekend and bollocks to him. Perhaps while you're there you can wash him out of your hair too!

SugarMiceInTheRain · 07/10/2016 08:33

Happy Birthday OP. Cake Flowers

He sounds like a sulky manchild. If I were you I'd go out and enjoy yourself without him and his bad attitude. Any friends you can invite on a last minute weekend away? I'd be reconsidering my future with someone who consistently behaves like your DH - imagine being retired and him just pleasing himself and never doing things with or for you.... no thanks!

Squirmy65ghyg · 07/10/2016 08:35

Why don't you say "I'm leaving you"?

Original poster
whatisforteamum · 07/10/2016 08:37

Booklooker sorry no drip feed,My df and dm have battled stage 4 cancer,Dh had a heart attack in 2013,Life has been gloomy at times,
I think there is a pressure to do something special on big birthdays.
All i wanted was someone in my house to think ahead and perhaps treat me, Im am not trying to be a diva.He was cross i didnt put an anouncement about his 50 th in the local paper which would never occur to me.
I made it clear what i would like BOTH of us to do and he agreed until his mates messaged him about golf.

OP posts:
Original poster
whatisforteamum · 07/10/2016 08:40

I usually do take myself shopping on my birthday however for once something memorable would be lovely.Heaven knows what support he will be when df dies.I will be heartbroken,

OP posts:
slightlypeevedwombat · 07/10/2016 08:42

Is there anything good in this relationship? I don't mean to sound harsh, but I think this might be a time to reflect and think about the next 30 40 years.... do you see yourself happy with him?

Yourarejokingme · 07/10/2016 08:52

You do know you've enabled his behaviour for years.

idontlikealdi · 07/10/2016 09:06

The card isn't the real issue is it? The fact he is a massive twat is.

Arfarfanarf · 07/10/2016 09:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

coffeetasteslikeshit · 07/10/2016 09:22

I don't understand why you're still together, it sounds like he mentally checked out of this relationship a while ago, which, if you only see each two days a month, I imagine would be easy to do unless you both made an effort.
It sounds to me like the relationship is dead but you won't admit it and he won't end it because he's being looked after most of the time and just has to endure a few uncomfortable conversations every so often, which he can shut down by pretending to go to sleep.

coffeetasteslikeshit · 07/10/2016 09:24

And there's nothing wrong with a supermarket card, or even no card at all, if you're getting treated decently all year round. I couldn't give a shit about cards, but I really appreciate every cup of tea DH makes me and every bath he runs for me, or lie in offered etc.

Moonpuddle · 07/10/2016 09:29

A supermarket card wouldn't bother me at all and the gold might not bother me but it would depend on whether he was a nice guy the rest of the time and how you family does birthdays

We are very low key for birthdays and always have been. They are still special day but a supermarket card and an ice meal at home would be typical. It does t make them any less important.

Moonpuddle · 07/10/2016 09:29

Golf not gold

Agerbilatemycardigan · 07/10/2016 09:39

I know how you feel OP, and it's never just about the card is it?

Frankly, he just sounds like a selfish, grumpy, thoughtless arse, and the chance of him changing is pretty unlikely.

I was with someone like that for 18 years, and he actually thought I'd left him because of a cup of tea Hmm

You really need to think long and hard if you want to waste any more time on someone who makes you this unhappy. LTB in my case was the best thing I ever did.

Original poster
whatisforteamum · 07/10/2016 09:42

moonpuddle we are low key too.Money has been tight and why buy something just for the sake of it.I think he used to be very kind and caring now he only cares about him.He was just telling me what an amazing time he had at the hotel,
If only i could afford to live with my ds i wouldnt feel so lonely or unappreciated,The mortgage is paid though.

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 07/10/2016 09:52

You say you are angry at him "because he won't say lets legally separate or live separate lives" , well I'm beginning to fell a bit angry with you for not saying it. He is vile to you, very immature and selfish, don't tell me life without him wouldn't be a huge improvement.
This sound harsh I know, but it's YOUR life, and you are not happy with it.

BitOutOfPractice · 07/10/2016 09:56

Oh god he sounds vile OP. You know what you need to do.

Happy birthday anyway Thanks

BitOutOfPractice · 07/10/2016 09:57

If only i could afford to live with my ds i wouldnt feel so lonely or unappreciated,The mortgage is paid though.

Sell the house. Split the equity. Buy your own place

I know that sounds simplistic but it can be done

Starryeyed16 · 07/10/2016 10:03

LTB

Tracerezor11 · 07/10/2016 10:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Stormtreader · 07/10/2016 10:36

Did you ask him where YOUR announcement in the local paper was?

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