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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want a supermarket card for my 50th

71 replies

whatisforteamum · 06/10/2016 22:49

Plenty of times my dh has bought cards from garages and on my 30th he whizzed out first thing and bought one before i got up.
Recently he has been a bit better.He said we could go to a hotel for the weekend as a special treat i a fav place.Then the golf lads invited him on a luxury 2 day golf break.He spent more than we wouldve on a hotel.I just have the one day off now .I hoped he would make an effort as its not everyday your 50.
i have seen he has been to the supermarket and bought a card....after almost 30yrs together i would expect more tbh.Would this be good enough for you? am i ungrateful and expecting too much:(

OP posts:
OlennasWimple · 07/10/2016 04:39

Thing is, he was crap for your 30th, you're still with him, not sure why you are expecting him to have suddenly changed 20 years on... Does he know how much the birthday holiday meant to you?

phillipp · 07/10/2016 05:11

Quite honestly I don't think the issue is where the card came from. Or it shouldn't be. Cards from supermarkets are the same as cards from anywhere. Supermarkets do lovely cards.

The issue is (or should be) that instead of taking you away as promised, he is ditching you for your friends.

I am really hoping the golf weekend is some sort of crap surprise and he isn't really going.

I don't really get the bit about his birthday though either. Couldn't you have done something for his 50th another day?

Can you go away a different weekend for your birthday? It's still shit that he ditched you for his friends. But birthday celebrations don't have to happen on the actual day.

seven201 · 07/10/2016 05:23

I'm still a little confused.

Is the golf weekend the same weekend as your birthday?
Or is it that the golf weekend is expensive therefore taking away money that would have been spent on your birthday?
When is your birthday?
Are you sure he's not actually planned a nice day out for you?

I think the birthday card is a red herring - nothing wrong with buying a card from a supermarket close to the day! He should get your some kind of present though - but maybe the day trip is that present. I too originally thought he'd got you a voucher for your 50th. I always have to chose my presents from my husband - otherwise he gets stressed and would buy me something I'd hate. Some people are just crap at presents! This year we gave each other nothing as we needed a new washing machine...

SlottedSpoon · 07/10/2016 06:06

It's not about where the card is from or whether it's expensive, it's about the lack of thought that has gone into your birthdays and the fact that he just going through the motions as some sort of half hearted afterthought, rushing out on the morning to buy it instead of genuinely wanting to make you feel special and loved, and celebrated.

That could not be more different than my DH and I feel for you. I think it's a shit way to treat your life partner and to go off on a golf trip on a weekend that should have been all about you just adds insult to injury. I'd be feeling very taken for granted indeed.

Happy 50th Birthday. Flowers Wine Cake

SlottedSpoon · 07/10/2016 06:08

Oh ok not sure whether the golf weekend is the same weekend, but the point is that he is spending money that could have been spent on a weekend with his wife. If they can't afford to do both then he is being selfish and greedy.

MuffyTheUmpireSlayer · 07/10/2016 06:16

YABU to be bothered about where the card has come from. YANBU to expect more on your birthday, to not be ditched for a golfing trip and to be able to have a conversation about it! What an inconsiderate arse, I'd be fuming.

Happy birthday! CakeFlowers

greenfolder · 07/10/2016 06:22

Yabu to expect more from him.he has clearly been an arse for years
Why put up with it? Say what you want to do and arrange it.
Eg. My Dh. What shall we do for our anniversary? A meal?
Me no, it's our 25th. It's special. Let's go away for a week. Here I've booked it.

It's my 50th in 2 years. I am going to new York to celebrate. He is welcome to come.

user1474781546 · 07/10/2016 06:46

I think the bigger picture is more important than your birthday OP.

IminaPickle · 07/10/2016 06:51

Happy Birthday whatis
Flowers

HyacinthFuckit · 07/10/2016 07:06

Focus on the golf dumping not the card. A lot of people find the concept of cards holding any meaning at all to be completely ridiculous, and I must say if DH objected to a supermarket card because it hadn't involved enough thought I'd think he was being a silly precious tit. Not so with reneging on your plans to play golf. You're 100% right to feel hurt and angry there. Make your argument where it's strongest. Ignoring your attempts to discuss it is particularly worrying.

Witchend · 07/10/2016 07:11

Supermarket cards are expensive. We'd get cards from the card factory and expect to pay less than half the supermarket price.

booklooker · 07/10/2016 07:15

I am still confused as to whether the golf weekend is over your birthday.

Thattimeofyearagain · 07/10/2016 07:21

My dh used to be like that ( hence my user name)
It took a telling off from my stepmil to get his head out of his arse.
Tell him, your dc and the world. Shame him.
Birthday wishes from me Flowers

TheNaze73 · 07/10/2016 07:54

Op, I think a lot of us are still confused??

Is the gold weekend, the same weekend as your birthday? xx

TheNaze73 · 07/10/2016 07:54

Golf not gold Shock

BabyGanoush · 07/10/2016 07:59

I think the golf weekend is a different weekend, but it is about the principle, of how much money is spent?

Original poster
whatisforteamum · 07/10/2016 08:04

Thank you all :) I think the fact i hardly see him (only 2 days a month max ) as i work shifts he could ve prioritised me.Other birthdays are just cards and cake mostly.He has been increasing his golf days ,I dont think he will be up to much today as he will be exhausted from 2 days walking around,
Last weekend he told me he wont feel sorry for me that my DF has a bad infection that hospitalised him for 9 days and he has now had a month as he isnt dead yet,Adnittedly DF has been ill over the last couple of yrs and is now terminal :(

OP posts:
Sugarlightly · 07/10/2016 08:08

I thought you were on about a gift card!

RavioliOnToast · 07/10/2016 08:09

He sounds like a first class cunt! Get yourself a brilliant birthday present and dump the fucker.

You deserve more than that! Happy birthday. (Belated) WineCakeFlowersChocolate

RavioliOnToast · 07/10/2016 08:09

Is it belated? Anyway, happy birthday Grin

booklooker · 07/10/2016 08:10

Serious attempt at a drip feed OP

Topseyt · 07/10/2016 08:14

Well your last post about his opinion regarding your Dad says it all really. I would have slung someone out of my house for saying anything like that. I couldn't have born to look at them again.

He is a stupid, selfie, greedy arsewipe.

Topseyt · 07/10/2016 08:15

*selfish.

Anniegetyourgun · 07/10/2016 08:17

he became v angry and after walking off went to bed and shut his eyes saying he cant do this anymore

Can't do what any more? Sounds like he does exactly as he pleases. You were promised a weekend away for a landmark birthday; what you got was: a card. He still gets the trip. It's not even his birthday. Perhaps what he meant was he can't do mopping the floor any more as it doesn't let him off the hook Hmm

Original poster
whatisforteamum · 07/10/2016 08:17

The golf was weds thursday in a fantastic place he promised to take me to,The prices are sky high,however the golf team were offered a deal so about £200 quid.
He tires easily and knew i was working from 930 until 1030pm both days so not much time for chores either,I am currently doing the washing while he sleeps as it beggars belief why a grown man cant just say i think we should legally separate or live our own lives.
EVERY conversation he doesnt like he shuts his eyes and fakes sleep,OUr DC cant believe it,He is 56!
I just wish someone would bother with me as i am chuffed to be 50 and otherwise feel much younger :)

OP posts: