I'm petrified of working for a female boss.

[earlyrise]

I recently accepted a new job and my line manager changed from male to female after I signed the contract. To put it bluntly - I'm gutted.

Despite being relatively young, I'm a skilled professional with nearly 20 years' experience in my (male-dominated) field and have risen to a good level within my career at a fairly good pace. I have a solid reputation among my peers as being diligent, reliable, popular and most importantly able to deliver. I'm a boss too and I really try to be aware of my attitude and behaviour with my team and I think I've done pretty well on this one.

Despite my success, I feel I've suffered at the hands of the female bosses who have appeared in my life. Without fail, when it's time to re-structure (which happens every six months these days) I've either been demoted or let go pretty soon (once three times in two years by the same boss). Despite this I've never received any negative feedback and they've always provided fantastic references once I was gone.

Over the years, I've tried all the tactics - be quiet, be friendly, not challenge, be more visible, be less visible, not complain, do extra work, wear flat shoes, give compliments, promote her among her peers, not be too confident, be less good, not promote my achievements etc...but nothing seemed to work for any of them. I gave up on my career and left my job to be unemployed.

When I reflect on my experiences over the last 20 years, there seems to be a pattern. The male bosses in my career, in comparison have mentored, promoted and supported me and done everything in their power to sponsor my success. It's been a different world and was able to be myself.

Is there anything I can do to make it better this time? I'm so scared.

[EllyMayClampett]

Sorry iPhone!

[BabooshkaKate]

I've only ever been fired by male bosses

OP are you friendly and natural with your boys and awkward and fake with the females? Because I'd fire you too. This attitude seeps out no matter how well you think you're hiding it.

[EllyMayClampett]

As I was saying, it shows a lot of humility to take the feedback on board. As others have said, there is no way to know what your new boss will be like until you start interacting. It's a two way street and you have the best chance of creating a productive relationship if you don't self sabotage yourself by expecting the worst. I hope it goes well.

[PurpleDaisies]

Why all the biscuits babooshka? Have you not read the thread? The op has fully accepted they were unreasonable ago.

[cdtaylornats]

Best boss I ever worked with was female.

[Enidblyton1]

Hope this one will be the one to disprove your stereotype! Go in with positive thoughts. Otherwise you might give off negative vibes and it will be a self fulfilling prophecy!!

[EdmundCleverClogs]

Desperate to get into the Daily Mail, OP?

[Trills]

Thank you for coming back and admitting that you were unreasonable :)

Good luck in your job.

I hope that your relationship with your new boss will break the previous pattern.

[BombadierFritz]

this reminded me of an article I read about how minority discriminated against groups (eg women in male dominated workplaces) can discriminate against others from their group
www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2016/06/queen-bee/488144/

[BombadierFritz]

or is it the maledominated workplace enforcing an unofficial quota - one woman in management only at a time?

[BerylStreep]

To come on to a predominantly female site like MN to complain about not wanting to work for a woman boss does suggest a lack of emotional intelligence.

[olives106]

I can't believe some of these posts. Or perhaps I can. It's exactly how sexism or any other bigotry works.

Men are seen as individual human beings with complex lives and personalities. It is understood that some men are good bosses and some are bad bosses. If someone has experienced a bad male boss they but his badness down to his personality, or lack of skills, or just him being an idiot. They expect their next male boss to be different.

Women are understood as a homogenous mass. Any one woman can stand for the whole lot of us, as we are not complex individuals with our own lives and personalities. So if someone gets a bad female boss they out her failings down to the 'fact' that women as a class are just bad bosses.

This also works with any other disadvantaged group. One lazy or incompetent white worker is one lazy or incompetent white worker. One lazy or incompetent black worker is all black people are lazy and incompetent. One gossipy gay man is all gay men gossip. And so on.

Some people here really need to raise their consciousness a bit. I really hope those posts denigrating women who, shock horror, rise to boss level in the workplace, were written by men. It would sadden me immensely to think that women can put themselves down like this. Though I know it happens.

[Fortnum]

Is your previous success when working for Men really because you are so good at your job, or is it because you can use your femininity to manipulate them ? Are you terrified because this wont be possible anymore. Lets be honest here....

[TheFreaksShallInheritTheEarth]

Excellent post, olives , I'm sure we've all seen examples of the phenomenon you describe.

A (moronic) colleague had an incompetent doctor, whose mistake could have cost said colleague his arm. Dr happened to be Pakistani. Therefore colleague now hates all Pakistanis I asked him which group of people he'd hate if he'd had an incompetent Dr who was white, Scotttish male like him. He had no answer.

SIL was mugged in Paris. Attacker was black. You can guess the rest.

[RestlessTraveller]

I thin you're getting a hard time here op. I too share your experiences, and I don't think it's got anything to do with how attractive or not I am, so enough with the patronising 'head tilt'. I have had a number of bosses both male and female, and most of the (albeit very few) issues I have had have all been with female bosses.

BUT I also don't make the assumption that all women are like that and certainly
wouldn't let the prospect of working with another women "terrify" me. Give her a chance, she might surprise you.

[Crazycatladyloz82]

I am a female boss and every person I have ever managed still keeps in touch years later and I consider all of them friends. They come visit regularly and went on to progress hugely in their careers, I hope my encouragement and skills development that I spent a lot of time on helped in this. I have had 3 male bosses who have stood on my shoulders, taken credit for everything and are utter fools. Awful bosses come in all forms!

[LuluLozenge]

This list of "female behaviour" ...

"- allowing some women in the team to have flexible working and not others based on who was their friend

• making life very very difficult for one member of the team in the early stages of her pregnancy by asking her to change scan dates repeatedly even when they knew she had a history of a particular genetic disease in the family and was keen to make sure all was ok
  
• banning us from "non essential" chat so no "good morning how are you?" (Im not even making this up)
  
• having team nights out and not inviting the people who weren't in their clique
  
• sitting on tinder while the rest of us were slogging away and being very open about it"
  

Seriously? That is not limited to women. I had a boss who sent an email round forbidding people to comment on his tie! I have had a slacker boss who sat on his arse and looked at hotornot.com all day. When I was pregnant, my boss told me I was allowed two ante natal appointments only.

You are making the classic mistake of making these women represent ALL women, while men get the luxury of being individuals. Another poster explained it much better than me.

There have been a number of qualitative studies showing there is little difference between male and female bosses. The only difference is in the way they're described. A man is seen as assertive, a woman aggressive, that kind of thing.

I can't believe anyone would have expectations of the people they work for based on their genitals. How depressing and dispiriting.

[mudandmayhem01]

Women who don't like having a female boss, have internalised misogyny. Do you think you make a poor boss yourself due to femaleness or does only apply to other women?.

[LokisUnderpants]

From someone currently battling gender bias at work I'm saddened that you're perpetuating an already shitty way of treating women.

Replace Female with black or Muslim - would it be ok to say what you said???

[MyPeriodFeatures]

Perhaps try dying your hair if the 'not wearing heels' and other stuff doesn't work.

[wewereonabreak1]

lulu how Many times would you like me to repeat myself? I've stated
That it's possible to experience that behaviour from a man but I haven't sadly this was all from a team of female "leaders"

I'm well aware that there are some amazing female bosses.

[whattheseithakasmean]

Well, why pick on the fact they were all female as their distinguishing characteristic? If all your bad bosses were white, would you point out their whiteness in moaning about them? If they all happened to be able bodied, would you say 'all the behaviour I didn't like was from able bodied bosses'? No, you wouldn't, because that would be ridiculous. So why have you jumped upon 1 characteristic to criticise your bosses? Why is the fact they are female in the slightest bit relevant to their behaviour as a boss?

I'll give you a clue. It isn't. Unless you are a sexist bigot.

[TwigletsMakeMeViolent]

"I'm well aware that there are some amazing female bosses."

So what you're saying is there are some amazing female bosses and some crap female bosses. It's almost as if ... I dunno ... women are people too, with faults and strengths? And not deserving of being pigeonholed?

[paxillin]

I've had a really fabulous female boss. And a really shit one. Bit like the male bosses I've had.

[wewereonabreak1]

twiglets

Well yeah...where have I said women aren't people?

Also, we can go round in circles....none of this changes my experiences.