I'm petrified of working for a female boss.

[earlyrise]

I recently accepted a new job and my line manager changed from male to female after I signed the contract. To put it bluntly - I'm gutted.

Despite being relatively young, I'm a skilled professional with nearly 20 years' experience in my (male-dominated) field and have risen to a good level within my career at a fairly good pace. I have a solid reputation among my peers as being diligent, reliable, popular and most importantly able to deliver. I'm a boss too and I really try to be aware of my attitude and behaviour with my team and I think I've done pretty well on this one.

Despite my success, I feel I've suffered at the hands of the female bosses who have appeared in my life. Without fail, when it's time to re-structure (which happens every six months these days) I've either been demoted or let go pretty soon (once three times in two years by the same boss). Despite this I've never received any negative feedback and they've always provided fantastic references once I was gone.

Over the years, I've tried all the tactics - be quiet, be friendly, not challenge, be more visible, be less visible, not complain, do extra work, wear flat shoes, give compliments, promote her among her peers, not be too confident, be less good, not promote my achievements etc...but nothing seemed to work for any of them. I gave up on my career and left my job to be unemployed.

When I reflect on my experiences over the last 20 years, there seems to be a pattern. The male bosses in my career, in comparison have mentored, promoted and supported me and done everything in their power to sponsor my success. It's been a different world and was able to be myself.

Is there anything I can do to make it better this time? I'm so scared.

[Want2bSupermum]

Oh and if anyone dared to demote me so many times I would be out of there and in another job so fast this wouldn't be a concern.

[Cherry321]

Im a senior manager with a large team and work in a highly competitive, predominantly male corporate structure.

Do you think that your different tactics and changes of approach make you look like youre playing games and make your bosses question your authenticity? They migt wonder if youre genuine and this might cause trust issues?

[BigChocFrenzy]

I'm petrified of working for a BME boss / Catholic boss
Sounds just as silly.

If you start off with a prejudice against your boss, they'll notice it.
So will others around them.

If it affects your work, how you interact with the boss, especially in front of other people, then no wonder they jump at the chance to get rid of you

[TheSnorkMaidenReturns]

Just another voice to add I'm female and a great boss. Only two people ever (obviously) thought otherwise - excuse me while I wipe my halo - and they were over-entitled young male Oxford graduates who didn't understand they needed to do the boring shitty stuff at the start of their careers. To be fair, last time I came across both of them they were still arrogant wankers.
I'm not super brilliant at what I do (I'm good, and sometimes very good but only occasionally amazing) but I am very good at looking after and out for my people.
Don't judge a boss by the cover!

[Boundaries]

It's interesting, OP, that you talk about your future boss's gender but not yours.

Do you behave as an employee as you do because you're a woman? Unless you're a man....


YABU, btw.

[Lunar1]

Do you have any female friends?

[DiegeticMuch]

You're either a troll, or you're very silly.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Your thread moved so fast OP that perhaps some posters missed that you've posted that your were BU. Good for you, enjoy your new job.

[StrongTeaHotShower]

I work in a very woman centred job so all my bosses have been women. Some great some terrifying, some friendly and so on. They were all different as people tend to be.

[TheFreaksShallInheritTheEarth]

I thought this OP would improve and be make more sense or be more reasonable as I read through it. I was wrong.
It sounds like you've never even met this woman - you don't talk about her in an individual or personal way at least - but just assume she'll be an awful boss because she's a woman? You must be a shit boss too, then?

What sexist, misogynist crap. YABVVVVVVVU

[garlicandsapphire]

Maybe women bosses spot you've got a problem with women...

[earlyrise]

Thanks LyingWitchInTheWardrobe.

I posted the original post to get some honest feedback and that I did. I've also been called lots of names. I didn't mean to offend anyone or come across as a bigot or all the other things I've been called.

I like the feedback I received overall. The problem is mine. I see that I've probably come across both in this post and in my jobs as rather insincere, weird and having a negative and biased attitude. All of which I can and will work on.

[mydietstartsmonday]

I am a female boss and I am fab to work for!

[Brokenbiscuit]

Fair enough, OP. Good luck with the new job.Your new boss might turn out to be fantastic, or she might not. Whichever it is, it won't be because of her gender!

[BerylStreep]

I'm a woman boss and I like to think I am good to work for.

Based on your OP alone, I think some of your previous issues may be because you might be overthinking things. I'm pretty sure none of my team are stressing over whether they are promoting / not promoting, wearing flats, offering compliments. What they all do, is concentrate on doing their job to a high standard. That pleases me, and what I concentrate on is making sure that they know what they are supposed to be doing, and making sure I support them to do their job.

It's not supposed to be difficult.

[Lorelei76]

I can't understand how you have a list of "tactics" to work with a woman either. The mind boggles.

[Vvlgari]

early There is often a tendency among men to believe that female bosses are all mental, irrational and unreasonable.

This is essentially what a lot of men appear to believe about women in general, but when a woman has a position of power, especially over them, this translates loosely into 'women make bad managers because they are all mental, irrational, unreasonable and PMT obvs'.

If you work in a male dominated environment, it's not a huge surprise that you've been subverted by this opinion. The men are petrified of a female manager so therefore you should be too, right? Especially if you're attractive because obviously she will hate you if you're prettier and will stamp you down to asset herself.

Except they are petrified and hate her for different reasons as men so the only valid reason they can give why you should hate her too is that she will discriminate against you on the basis of your looks.

[TheDowagerCuntess]

Good luck in the new role

[wewereonabreak1]

twiglets

I never said I'd be looking out for it...

I said I'd spot it straight away....that is different. I wouldn't turn down a job on the basis that the manager was female and I always try to see the best in people....unless they're total dicks like the woman I've mentioned previously.

Let me see...
(This list is not exhaustive)

• allowing some women in the team to have flexible working and not others based on who was their friend
  
• making life very very difficult for one member of the team in the early stages of her pregnancy by asking her to change scan dates repeatedly even when they knew she had a history of a particular genetic disease in the family and was keen to make sure all was ok
  
• banning us from "non essential" chat so no "good morning how are you?" (Im not even making this up)
  
• having team nights out and not inviting the people who weren't in their clique
  
• sitting on tinder while the rest of us were slogging away and being very open about it
  

I wish I could say I've made them up but I've just not experienced that kind of behaviour from a man (that's not to say I never will) This is also in a seemingly professional and very well known organisation.

I've since moved to a new place and it is better and I'm sure there are millions of awesome female
Bosses. I've just not worked for one yet.

I've said before though that these are my experiences and if anyone wants to flame me then go for it because it won't change what's happened in the past.

[Secretmetalfan]

Tbh I can see where you are coming from. I much prefer working for male bosses. Every woman I've ever worked for has been a complete two faced bitch, either jealousy over family life or thinking the only way to succeed is being overly aggressive. I know it's not PC and will get flamed but generally male bosses are much more understanding of family life, more honest and supportive and less bitchy. Not saying there aren't shit male bosses but as women still have to work much harder to get to the top I find there is often a more aggressive single mindedness with women bosses.again this is general and I can think of rare exceptions but I would not work for a woman unless I knew her very well

[nooka]

Secreetmetalfan, presuming you are female would you like someone to comment about you like that? To assume that you will be bitchy and generally crap just because you are female? Seems to me you are fairly close to saying that women shouldn't be managers at all.

Some people are bad managers. Some are bad people. But as women I really think we should try and challenge stereotyping and bias because this sort of thinking affects all of us, it means we all are less likely to be promoted and more likely to be denigrated. Often for behaviours that wouldn't even be noticed if they were exhibited by a man.

For the record I've had good and bad bosses, male and female, and I suspect been described as both a good and bad boss myself. You can't please everyone.

[OliviaStabler]

If you go in with the attitude you have, you won't get off on the right foot and it will sour the relationship.

Go in there, be professional, work hard, do your job and be polite and respectful to everyone, no matter their sex.

[VladmirsPoutine]

OP, fair play to you. Your experiences are not invalid and they are yours.
I'd say don't sweat it too much. Don't generalise. I have had fantastic male and female bosses. Equally I've had some bad ones of both genders. You need to work with an individual to figure out how they tick.

This is not a gender issue but a person issue. If new boss turns out to be awful it is not because she is a woman but because she doesn't have the necessary skills to manage.

[EllyMayClampett]

It shows a lot of humility to take all this fe