School runs arent that difficult?

[Mildinsanity]

AIBU?
My DP and I work full time with a 1.5hr commute eith way so DCs dad comes and does the childcare/ school runs etc.

End of last term I recieved a letter from the school saying the DCs are repeatedly late in and if it continues they will make a report to the welfare people.

I spoke to DCs dad and he apologised and said it wont happen again and he'll ensure they get there on time.

Which brings us to today, I have a very rare day off work (own buisness so DP and I schedules are usually jam packed to try and make ends meet) and DCs dad says he will still do the school run.
He arrives at 7am as usual and gets the kids up so I can try and get some rest.
8.50 and they have only just left (school starts at 8.50 and its a 10 minute walk).

Now it could be they are having a particulary bad morning but I dont believe thats the case.

I went downstairs to hurry them up at 8.30 because I know they should be ready and leaving and they werent even dressed ready, I hurried them to get dressed as they were apparently ignoring their dad but he didnt seem all that bothered to encorage them as he was outside with a fag.

If this is what it is like everyday no wonder they are late, he just doesnt seem bothered and says they wont listen to him.
I think its his job as a parent (he doesnt work btw) to make them listen and ensure they leave on time.

AIBU to think it doesnt take nearly 2 hours to get 4 DCs (3,6,7,8) ready for school?

[mothermother]

so because their father is incapble of doing literally ONE thing in his day OP should do it herself?! are you all mad?

[NothingIsOK]

Regular lateness is totally the fault of the adult doing the regular school run. It's nothing to do with kids faffing and it being hard to get out the door. I can't believe how many posters are making excuses for him.

It reminds me of when I had to get a lift as a student teacher and we were late into the staff meeting almost every day, with the driver blaming traffic. If it happens regularly, it's not the fault of circumstance, it's poor time management.

Poor kids, being late all the time when they are not the ones in control of getting there. Arsehole dad who doesn't see it as important to get them there on time, and therefore doesn't bother himself to fix it.

[SalemSaberhagen]

I'm the same Jen. The man doesn't even pay OP any money for the kids!

[lizardslounging]

Instead of being annoyed (I totally get this by the way I would be really cross that school had had to tell me this!). But - some people have organisational skills and some don't!

Can you give ExH a list,
Give the kids a list / visuals.

Help him to make it work, even if it is a pain in the arse? Don't mention the smoking.

[lalaloopyhead]

I think the more time you have the more faffing goes on. 4 days a week my dd goes to breakfast club and we are ready and out before 7.45. Friday is another matter, I take her to school where doors open at 8.35am - we are never late but it often gets to a situation of running around and shouting hurry!

I've changed our morning routine a bit as we were slipping, up and have breakfast and get dressed before anything else like watching tv or getting toys out. If their Dad is just waiting around for them to get ready I can see why it isn't working!

[BarbarianMum]

It takes me over an hour to get mine ready and out of the door and they are 10 and 8! 3, 6, 7 and 8 sounds like absolute hell tbh. That said it isn't impossible and they shouldn't be late every day.

[Seeline]

You wouldn't need to get them up at 6 - just wake them and start their breakfast - a 15minute headstart would give them the extra time that seems to be needed.

[smEGGontoast]

Yanbu. I get 5 (9, 8, 6, 4 and 1) breakfasted, ready and to school on time every day. They're at 2 different schools so it means leaving at 8. It's all about time management.

I wouldn't have him doing the job anymore if they're repeatedly late and you face welfare checks because of this.

[seminakedinsomebodyelsesroom]

I don't think you ABU. Regardless of whether the arrangements sound a bit unconventional to anyone else, the agreement is that your your DCs dad comes to your home and gets his kids ready for school each day. He isn't managing to do this in a way that gets them to school on time to such an extent that the school have flagged it as an issue.

It is bloody difficult to get kids ready for school in the mornings, I hate it and when I saw this thread I thought it was going to be similar to one I was thinking of posting about how stressful it is to get them out the door. It is stressful and hard work. But it is up to the parents to work with the kids to find a way to make it happen so they aren't late.

Maybe you all need to sit down with the kids and come up with a plan? As well as doing all the getting stuff ready the night before bit too.

I do agree that I might have been a bit annoyed to know that someone was lying in bed upstairs while I was trying to herd children in to uniforms etc though.

[JosephineMaynard]

We do get an awful lot of faffing from our DC in the morning, and that can really eat into time here, so I know it can be very hard getting DC to cooperate with leaving on time..... but.... if OP caught DCs dad stood outside having a fag rather than actively trying to get the DCs ready for school, then it really doesn't sound like he's trying very hard to make sure the DC get to school on time.

Regardless, I agree with pp that you need to find a way to make it easier for DCs dad, or find an alternate way of getting them to school on time because it sounds like it'll be you getting into trouble with the education welfare people if this continues, not the DCs dad.

[SatsukiKusakabe]

Four children is a lot to get sorted, and just from an objective viewpoint it sounds like a bit of a chaotic arrangement. I can see why you've made it, but he has to be up and out of his own place before 7, then get 4 children sorted, he doesn't live there - does he know where all their stuff is or is he completely reliant on them to be organised?

I think unfortunately if it is this unreliable then you either have to take a greater part in it yourself in terms of having everything ready to go, or setting a timetable for them to follow, or breakfast club or similar.

I was always the late one at school, had a huge impact on my ability to timekeep and organise myself as a teen and young adult. As a result, we have never been late despite living further away than I used to.

For the school to make a thing of it they must be persistently v late.

[JenLindleyShitMom]

I can't believe how many posters are making excuses for him.

I remember a thread a year or two back where a woman posted asking for help to get her morning routine sorted as she was always getting to school (with a couple of DC) 5 minutes after the bell had gone. She was torn apart for not having her shit together. Really horrible posts. Not one of them said "well maybe the kids are faffers"

[BarbarianMum]

I also have to say that I find the school run by far the hardest part of parenting. 95% of my shouting gets done bw 8am and 8.20 (with a 5% retainer for bedtime).

[MargotLovedTom]

Yes they are Jen, but as much as the OP can try and put a rocket up his arse, if he won't get them sorted in time then what can be done? OP is not able to be there at the same time as him to sort it out. He sounds a bit useless to say the least.

[IceRoadDucker]

I can't believe how many people are blaming the OP for her ex being useless.

YANBU. Does he know about the letters? Doesn't he care?

[SatsukiKusakabe]

Not excusing him btw, just dealing with the reality of it. He should be able to do it.

[gallicgirl]

I think it's a bit of both really.
You ex should be making more of an effort but equally some kids can faff until the cows come home.
I have a 5 year old and an 18 month old and we're often at school only by the skin of our teeth. The 5 year old is the type of kid who can get distracted walking up the stairs and is immune to bribery and threats.

[VladmirsPoutine]

This arrangement sounds bizarre, let alone the kids being late.

Anyway, a new arrangement needs to be organised. Have you had a frank discussion about the threat of Educational Welfare with your ex?

[blaeberry]

Your ex is a parent but then so are you. You are both responsible for ensuring your kids get to school on time. If he isn't managing for whatever reason then it is still your responsibility, You need to work together on this and if that means you have to get them dressed to get them there on time then that is what you have to do.

[NothingIsOK]

Stunned at the easy ride the dad is getting for being regularly unable to get kids out the door with an hour and a half to do clothes, hair and teeth.

Is it possible he's doing an intentionally shit job of it so that op will give up and find another way?

[Rollonbedtime7pm]

I have 3 and we live as close as you to the school. Yes there are days when i'm yelling to put shoes on for the millionth time but generally, the 2 bigger kids are fed and dressed by 8am and they then have 30 mins free time to play or watch TV while I eat and sort the baby out. Sometimes we are twiddling our thumbs at 8:15!

It only works because the kids know that they don't get their free time if they're not ready - the TV does not go on until they are fed and dressed. It's just getting them into a routine, like bedtimes.

We've never been late, even when I had newborn DD2 - it just isn't a habit of mine. I can see how you slip into it though. This morning I was walking back to the house after preschool (so 9:20) and there was a family who live behind us just sauntering up to school The start time is not just a suggestion!!

[JacquesHammer]

some people don't have organisational skills is such a cop out.

If you're that type of person it's essential to find a way to make it work. Not suggest other people leave him "crib sheets" etc

He's their father. He needs to get his shit together and do his role and be very fucking grateful the OP is allowing him to contribute in this way rather than paying maintenance.

Does he ever have them overnight OP?

[c3pu]

I'm a single dad to 2 boys, now 6 and 10 (been taking them to school from 4 & 8).

It's a cold day in hell that they're late in! We often cut it close, but I think it's only been one actual late day in the past 2 years when I've been taking them in.

Their mother, who is several orders of magnitude less firm/organised than I am, also manages to get them into school on time and she has a 20 minute walk from her house.

So I say YANBU... If he is consistently late getting them in, he is consistently doing it wrong and needs to be making some changes to how he does it.

Rule #1 in the mornings for me, is no TV/screen time or playtime until they have had their breakfast, got dressed and brushed their teeth, and any arguing/fighting results in a loss of screen time for the rest of the day. Sorts out 90% of the issues for me haha!