School runs arent that difficult?

[Mildinsanity]

AIBU?
My DP and I work full time with a 1.5hr commute eith way so DCs dad comes and does the childcare/ school runs etc.

End of last term I recieved a letter from the school saying the DCs are repeatedly late in and if it continues they will make a report to the welfare people.

I spoke to DCs dad and he apologised and said it wont happen again and he'll ensure they get there on time.

Which brings us to today, I have a very rare day off work (own buisness so DP and I schedules are usually jam packed to try and make ends meet) and DCs dad says he will still do the school run.
He arrives at 7am as usual and gets the kids up so I can try and get some rest.
8.50 and they have only just left (school starts at 8.50 and its a 10 minute walk).

Now it could be they are having a particulary bad morning but I dont believe thats the case.

I went downstairs to hurry them up at 8.30 because I know they should be ready and leaving and they werent even dressed ready, I hurried them to get dressed as they were apparently ignoring their dad but he didnt seem all that bothered to encorage them as he was outside with a fag.

If this is what it is like everyday no wonder they are late, he just doesnt seem bothered and says they wont listen to him.
I think its his job as a parent (he doesnt work btw) to make them listen and ensure they leave on time.

AIBU to think it doesnt take nearly 2 hours to get 4 DCs (3,6,7,8) ready for school?

[ScaredFuture99]

YANBU
Dcs get up at 7.00am and are arriving at school for 8.50am everyday. In the middle of that we also fit doing the reading for about 20mins and the dcs still manage to play on their tablet/ds for nearly half an hour.

It looks like he lacks structure, aka an idea of when they should be ready with clothes on by xx time, shoes on by xx time etc...

But TBH, if it is now at the level where the school wants to call the welfare officer, then I think that either your ex needs to pull his socks up big time or you need a different arrangement (childminder/b'fast club in the am, dcs at dad every other weekend and him paying maintenance, which will cover at least some of the cost for childcare).
It is not good for your dcs to arrive late everyday like this.

[MargotLovedTom]

Also he contributes nothing financially as he's not interested in getting a job. But the OP should think about paying him to look after his own children?

[Manumission]

So he can't be arsed to have them on the weekend but he can be arsed to get up at 6am M-F to do the school run from someone else's house? Are we supposed to believe that he's lazy and/or a disinterested father?

[Mummyoflittledragon]

If ex were actually working, he'd have to contribute something. So no shut creek and paddles there.

He sounds like a waste of space dad. Someone upthread suggested getting your dad to do drop off and ex to do pick up. Would that work? Or would he not feed them?

[MargotLovedTom]

This thread is very fast moving!

[Sallystyle]

YANBU

I had to get five ready for school. We have probably been late once in all those years and that was due to sleeping through an alarm.

It really isn't that difficult. I am not an organised person by nature, but if you want to get kids to school on time you need to learn to be.

Some of the responses on here are pretty sad. Pay him to take his kids to school? I can't believe I actually just read that.

[SatsukiKusakabe]

It's not a case of should - it's needs must. The kids can't continue being late and they are both ultimately responsible. It's shit, but there it is.

[MargotLovedTom]

Yes we are supposed to believe he's lazy when he can't even do that bit properly, quite frankly.

[ScaredFuture99]

Btw I would also have a word with the school to make them aware of the morning arrangements.
It is normal that they let you know that they are late everyday but the person that really needs to be put on the spot his the DAD. Not the OP.

Because calling the OP means that she is the one to have a chat with the father and very littl changes. Why should it?
Having the school talking to him and singing the welfare officer to him rather than the OP might have much more effect.

[Manumission]

The whole thing sounds weird and wonky.

I'd hire a morning childminder or book breakfast club AND negotiate a proper contact schedule with the ex.

[iknowimcoming]

Could you try an ultimatum of either he gets them there on time everyday without fail, or he needs to earn some cash to pay for someone who can?

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Well maybe he he has just enough in the way of Brains that he's figured out that Pissing about fir an hour and a half and smoking his cigarettes is a fairly small price to pay for free weekends and not having to pay whilst still being able to puff his chest out to his mates claiming he's a good dad....

He's got a good deal really

[JenLindleyShitMom]

what's the worst that will happen? Could it be something serious, a stern talking-to? What happens in these situations?

Educational welfare officer will calm to arrange a visit. (OP would be wise to direct EWO in to her EXp) EWO will visit, discuss the issue (lateness) ask what the obstacles to attending on time are and discuss what can be done to address these obstacles. The ex will either shape up based on that visit or will continue to shit the parenting bed every morning. If he continues the EWO will likely want to talk with OP about changing the arrangement at which point OP will have to or face court action. Depressingly. Because a lazy bastard won't shift his arse for his own DC.

[Mildinsanity]

He doesnt want them weekends, He can see them whenever he wants we have open contact and he suggested doing the school runs to help out so I can work as he saw the financial shit I was in previously.

I know the situation is tempoary but obviously child welfare wont see that.
Im not paying a parent to actually parent.

The school run was his decision so he can see his kids then do what he wants the rest of the time he didnt contribute previously no, and he has no plans to either.

We are amicble most of the time and yes its weird. He can see DCs whenever he likes and often comes over for dinner or whatever when he feels like it (he lives in a bedsit so cannot have them at his)
No DP dont mind he understands the kids relationship with their dad is a priority for me and in fact most of the time we all get on great... and no I dont care for peoples opinions on that.

[icelollycraving]

I am really surprised at a lot of the answers. Surely their dad would rather have contact at his home over a weekend for example. I think coming to do mornings is great. The mechanics just aren't working. If I was doing school run everyday & then doing it so you could sleep in? I suspect there is more resentment there than you think.
You slept in until 830 whilst knowing he's not doing what is expected. So there is a possibility of the children & you getting into shit with the school. The mornings must be really stressful for the dc.

[MargotLovedTom]

Also Manumission I don't know why you're making a big deal of him going to someone else's house to do this. It's his children's house and doing this for them is the only way he can contribute to their upbringing right now.

[supermoon100]

I think it is a crazy situation. You are living apart from the children's father for what ever reason and yet you expect him to come into your house and do family chores as if you still lived together? Your problem is your working hours. You make choices in life and yours means you have to stay in a job that makes family life particularly difficult. This is what needs to change, not relying on what seems like a depressed ex partner for help. I am speaking from experience here.

[icelollycraving]

X post about weekends & his flat.

[Manumission]

Just seems very unusual to me Margot and it isn't working anyway.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Oh yes the poor depressed ex who's so over worked getting his own Damn kids ready fir school while the mum and new partner work to provide all the things he doesn't and ferrying to all parties and foot ball clubs and swimming and cooking and cleaning while he gets to stay home all depressed

[JenLindleyShitMom]

Surely their dad would rather have contact at his home over a weekend for example

Sure, wouldn't we all love to just have the easiest part of the week to do our parenting whole someone else does the shit work? Doesn't work like that when you're a parent though.

[ChocChocPorridge]

takes us just over an hour to get 2 kids out of the door (breakfast, make lunches, get everyone washed and dressed, sometimes reading/homework)

There's not always time for me to squeeze in a cup of coffee though - but mine are young, so I have to dress one and broken record the other one (extremely distractible)

He needs to have some alarms - I know for instance that everyone needs to be eating breakfast at 7:30, I know that we need to be putting shoes on at 8:20 or by the time we get that done and down to the car we'll be late.

[JenLindleyShitMom]

Have we been invaded? Lots of new names with interesting posts.

[diddl]

"Well OP said he doesn't have them at the weekends so this is the only time he sees them"

Maybe he uses the school run as "contact time" iyswim & doesn't just get on & get the kids ready.

Sounds as if the arrangement needs to stop though if he doesn't get his act together.

Perhaps if he realises he would have to pay someone else to do it if he can't then he might find that he is able to?

[Mildinsanity]

well yes supermoon I guess I couly not work at all claim benefits and live rent free

Fuck me for trying to give my kids a good (eventually) life.

Fuck me for thinking that a child has 2 parents and it shouldnt all fall onto 1 person.

Fuck me for thinking getting 4 kids to school on time isnt that difficult obviously the fact I did it by myself for near 4 years previously doesnt mean I know anything.

Thank you to the helpful posters but I leaving the thread now.

Yes Im flouncing