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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving OH in charge without proper briefing

133 replies

poupeedecire · 03/10/2016 21:41

Name changed for this.

I went to a (work-related) workshop this afternoon/evening, leaving first a babysitter, then DH in charge of the DC. Whereas I previously fed the DC their dinner before I went out, DC1 asked today to eat with DH. I called DH to ask if that was ok, and he said he would prepare some pasta.
I forgot, however, to mention that DC2 would also be included in this, as well as the fact that I had put some fish in the oven for him. I asked the babysitter to put the fish in the fridge until DH was home.

Now, during the workshop I cannot use my phone at all. When it finished (it takes a little under 2 hours), I found 10 text messages and two missed calls on my phone, in which he asked me what to feed the DC/what the deal was with the fish/why I'm not answering. So I tried to call him immediately - he didn't pick up. Then I sent him a text message explaining the situation (fish was left in the fridge by babysitter/I cannot use my phone) - and got 5 messages back complaining that I hadn't given a proper briefing, not mentioned the fish to him or that both DC would be hungry, and he cannot rely on the babysitter's testimonial that the fish was fresh.

Whilst I admit that I forgot to mention the fish - does something like this warrant such a reaction? He hasn't spoken to me either since I came home.
I thought he can feed his DC? I really don't know any more whether IABU.

OP posts:
ScaredAboutTheFuture · 04/10/2016 06:44

Does he not feel embarrassed that he can't do something that you have managed effortlessly for 8 years?

Penfold007 · 04/10/2016 06:47

Proper briefing!!!!! Tell the lazy man to get on with parenting his own children.

Fizzer123 · 04/10/2016 06:58

I think he's trying to stop you from going out. He's making it hard for you, all the texts & missed calls, he's making you feel guilty for going out. Plus he's sulking at you (punishing you). It's much, much more than incompetence.
You need to decide if you are going to put your foot down now, continue with your workshops and tell him to stfu about it, or if you just allow him to continue to ridiculous sulk.

Chottie · 04/10/2016 07:04

Please!!!! give me strength..........

AnyFucker · 04/10/2016 07:13

How utterly pathetic

An example of if you do something so badly, no one expects it of you again

Take note, op. He is training you well.

WuTangFlan · 04/10/2016 07:18

Flowers OP, he sounds rubbish and so hard to live with.

Gileswithachainsaw · 04/10/2016 07:19

Good grief. The kids could frickin pour themselves a bowl of cereal or make some toast at that age. Wtf is so bloody hard for 2 hours.

And as for no left overs... well he'd starve here...

itlypocerka · 04/10/2016 07:32

He's being deliberately pathetic to make you avoid a situation like this again. No "briefing" is required - he is a parent and is capable of making reasonable decisions.

Unless you have form for yelling at him for not following plans you made but failed to communicate I guess?

ArmfulOfRoses · 04/10/2016 07:36

It isn't about him not being capable, it's about making it too hard for you to go out.

The only 'briefing' my dh ever has is if one of them has had medicine, so I let him know time and dose they last had any.

Footle · 04/10/2016 07:38

It's called Strategic Incompetence.

And re your nickname , the wax doll is him, not you.

Hissy · 04/10/2016 07:44

The thing I despise most is a parent who can't be bothered to make the effort. He resents your freedom and is punishing you for daring to live your life, when you parked it previously so he could live his.

I agree with everyone, get yourself out of that house more often and make him pick up his share of the parenting.

Does he ever take them out? Alone?

Hissy · 04/10/2016 07:45

The no leftovers is another link in that chain and ball he's shackled you with.

paulapantsdown · 04/10/2016 07:53

What a twit! I thought you were going to say the children were tiny babies! Is he that stupid that he couldn't just scramble an egg or something.

I can't bear these these pathetic men who behave like the extra child in the house. My DH is beyond useless with cooking, but he would be able to cobble together a meal without a bloody briefing!

LittleLionMansMummy · 04/10/2016 08:03

If he was unsure about the fish, common sense would dictate that he leaves it and gets everyone pasta instead. I used to think the home world would fall apart if I didn't leave instructions but fully admit I'm a bit of a control freak. Dh and ds cope just fine without me and he's certainly more than capable of feeding him in my absence, even if it's not a meal I'd necessarily choose. He still needs reminding about brushing teeth though He certainly wouldn't be bothering me at work or on a course.

redshoeblueshoe · 04/10/2016 08:12

engineersthumb - this isn't about man bashing. This is about a man who rings his wife because she has the audacity to go out. A woman who was barely allowed to leave the house. Constant texts and phone calls whilst at work. FFS - I've worked at a few places where you can't have your phone on.
This is about control.

Original poster
poupeedecire · 04/10/2016 09:04

The hob is a little bit too high up for the 8yo, but I agree: that's old enough to rustle up an easy dinner. i'll show him to use the oven!

Thanks y'all for letting me know that I'm not going crazy!!!!

OP posts:
DudeWheresMyVulva · 04/10/2016 09:12

Strategic incompetence. Yes. My DH is smart, a professional in a pretty highpowered job and yet he 'does not understand the system' of where DS's school uniform is.

Reader, we have one chest of drawers. One drawer is the school uniform drawer. We have 5 sets of uniform so I have to do just a single wash once a week.

He refuses to 'get it'.

He's bloody brilliant in ALL other ways though. :)

Original poster
poupeedecire · 04/10/2016 09:15

...and just one more thing: I am not a control freak, and I do let him get on with stuff without telling him what to do/what not to do.

He has looked after the DC on his own before - which is why I find this texting (and the 'I can't sleep unless you're here') so strange!

He has a thing about punishing me, though - I might take this to the relationship board, though...

OP posts:
engineersthumb · 04/10/2016 09:56

Redshoe it's a bit of a jump to say that this us controlling behavior based on one event! It's possible butore likley he was having a faf and a threw a tizzy.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 04/10/2016 11:48

'I can't sleep unless you're here' is controlling behaviour. As a pp pointed out, so is 'no leftovers' (because then you have to cook a full on meal).

Keep your eyes wide open OP and keep a hold of your job! You may need it...

BlackeyedSusan · 04/10/2016 12:04

the problem is much much bigger (usually about 11 stone, 6 foot, and emotionally about 12 years old).

you are wrong, Iborgia

he is only 5'10" and emotionally 10

RortyCrankle · 04/10/2016 12:57

When did you realise you are the only adult in your family and you have three children OP?

Seriously, your husband is utterly pathetic and it would turn me right off and kill any feelings I had for him.

Memoires · 04/10/2016 14:43

'No leftovers' is ridiculous. My dh does it and it is, it really is, born of a need to control. He will then complain that food gets thrown away; he would rather there was not enough than we waste a single Birds Eye Bloody Pea. So I deliberately cook more....

FurryLittleTwerp · 04/10/2016 23:30

My DH is deeply suspicious of leftovers as well - he thinks they are unsafe & will cause food-poisoning Hmm

Not if they're dealt with properly they won't.

He does no cooking / other housework at all, yet tries to dictate about my catering methods & also about my laundering skills I have O level Home Economics gradeA Hmm

AnyFucker · 05/10/2016 07:51

Deeply suspicious of leftovers ?

deeply suspicious of life

And a twat about other things too, it would seem. Why do you tolerate that, Furry ?

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