Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving OH in charge without proper briefing

133 replies

poupeedecire · 03/10/2016 21:41

Name changed for this.

I went to a (work-related) workshop this afternoon/evening, leaving first a babysitter, then DH in charge of the DC. Whereas I previously fed the DC their dinner before I went out, DC1 asked today to eat with DH. I called DH to ask if that was ok, and he said he would prepare some pasta.
I forgot, however, to mention that DC2 would also be included in this, as well as the fact that I had put some fish in the oven for him. I asked the babysitter to put the fish in the fridge until DH was home.

Now, during the workshop I cannot use my phone at all. When it finished (it takes a little under 2 hours), I found 10 text messages and two missed calls on my phone, in which he asked me what to feed the DC/what the deal was with the fish/why I'm not answering. So I tried to call him immediately - he didn't pick up. Then I sent him a text message explaining the situation (fish was left in the fridge by babysitter/I cannot use my phone) - and got 5 messages back complaining that I hadn't given a proper briefing, not mentioned the fish to him or that both DC would be hungry, and he cannot rely on the babysitter's testimonial that the fish was fresh.

Whilst I admit that I forgot to mention the fish - does something like this warrant such a reaction? He hasn't spoken to me either since I came home.
I thought he can feed his DC? I really don't know any more whether IABU.

OP posts:
katemess12 · 03/10/2016 22:00

Tell him he shouldn't need a briefing to deal with his own children.

And then go out more often and leave him to it.

CousinCharlotte · 03/10/2016 22:00

What is it with so many inept men on here Confused
Nice how he's turned it all around blaming you.

eightbluebirds · 03/10/2016 22:01

Seriously!? What a total child. That's ridiculous OP.

Original poster
poupeedecire · 03/10/2016 22:01

And yes, he used the word briefing as in "it would be helpful if you brief me properly before you go out"

OP posts:
NickyEds · 03/10/2016 22:01

At 7 and 8 the kids could have 'briefed him' in the fish situation! I take it he doesn't care for them alone very often?

Arfarfanarf · 03/10/2016 22:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Scroobius · 03/10/2016 22:04

My DH is excellent with food but when I went away for the weekend leaving him with dd I had to arrange outfits, make sure all hairbrush, bobbles etc were laid next to the clothes and sort out playdates so he didn't have to entertain her. She is 3. If he's still needing all that when she's 7 I think I might ltb.

Haffdonga · 03/10/2016 22:04

7 and 8!! OMG I thought you were going to say they were babies and your dh had never been left in sole care before.

FFS doesn't he have the capacity for independent thought?

FleurThomas · 03/10/2016 22:04

Worst case scenario for an unhousebroken dad who gives a fuck: he assumes all food in the house has gone off and takes kids to McDs. Your husband is an idiot.

Arfarfanarf · 03/10/2016 22:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Scroobius · 03/10/2016 22:05

*constantly entertain her

NapQueen · 03/10/2016 22:07

Does he think someone briefs you before anything new child or baby related can happen? Or is it the fact that you have a vagina which means you automatically know this stuff?

How have you got to having a 7 and 8yo and he still needs telling how to parent?

NapQueen · 03/10/2016 22:07

Scroob more fool you!

clumsyduck · 03/10/2016 22:08

I'm not suprised by your update op that he has form for behaving like this and turning it around on to you Classic arsehole behaviour . As I said upthread my ex would behave this way. Hence being my "ex"

That's why I jumped on the sulking part . Been inept is bad enough but blaming you for it and sulking is the real issue here

Somerville · 03/10/2016 22:10

I echo the shock that your DC are 7 and 8 years old and your husband Can't feed them pasta without help.

And he's got you thinking that you might be unreasonable to expect him to.

Is this a control thing? Curtailing your freedom by being purposefully pathetic and the punishing you for having gone out?

Or a lazy arse thing?

Because what you need to do about it depends on which of the above is the issue. And also, do you want to do something about it?

Dinosauratemypudding · 03/10/2016 22:10

That's what I was thinking napqueen

ollieplimsoles · 03/10/2016 22:12

Fuck me,

How terribly sad he couldn't even get it together to give his kids tea and leave you in peace.

Original poster
poupeedecire · 03/10/2016 22:12

So you wouldn't say then that I've been terribly irresponsible tonight.

I've actually started to entertain the idea of meal-planning and putting a weekly menu up on a blackboard in the kitchen so DH knows what to expect.

He also doesn't eat leftovers - nothing from the day before that's been sitting in the fridge.

OP posts:
Lorelei76 · 03/10/2016 22:12

WTF?
Can't parent his own kids? He should be ashamed of himself.

NataliaOsipova · 03/10/2016 22:12

Worst case scenario for an unhousebroken dad who gives a fuck: he assumes all food in the house has gone off and takes kids to McDs. Your husband is an idiot.

Even Mr Osipova, who is totally and utterly pretty hopeless at all things pertaining to the preparation of food, is in the OP's corner on this one. He agrees with FleurThomas (although he would have taken them down to the pub!). He couldn't just make them some pasta? Or a sandwich? Last time this happened to me, I came home to find DD2 dining on some slices of ham, a Babybel and a couple of breadsticks - but at least he'd shown some iniative!

NapQueen · 03/10/2016 22:13

I wouldn't meal plan.

I'd give him two nights a week which are his responsibility food wise. At least. As you both work it really ought to be 50 50.

queenofthepirates · 03/10/2016 22:14

He's not the CEO of a major railway company is he? Because that's exactly the kind of response I would have expected from them.

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 · 03/10/2016 22:15

So realistically you have 2 young children and a stroppy teenager?

bummyknocker · 03/10/2016 22:16

Doesn't eat leftovers! Does he cook?

clumsyduck · 03/10/2016 22:18

No poup you haven't

But forget your "behaviour" whatever the hell it is your supposed to have done wrong .What about his ?

Wouldn't it have been nice to come home to kids all sorted and him to ask about your workshop ? Does he even care? To busy sulking no doubt