Leaving OH in charge without proper briefing

[poupeedecire]

Name changed for this.

I went to a (work-related) workshop this afternoon/evening, leaving first a babysitter, then DH in charge of the DC. Whereas I previously fed the DC their dinner before I went out, DC1 asked today to eat with DH. I called DH to ask if that was ok, and he said he would prepare some pasta.
I forgot, however, to mention that DC2 would also be included in this, as well as the fact that I had put some fish in the oven for him. I asked the babysitter to put the fish in the fridge until DH was home.

Now, during the workshop I cannot use my phone at all. When it finished (it takes a little under 2 hours), I found 10 text messages and two missed calls on my phone, in which he asked me what to feed the DC/what the deal was with the fish/why I'm not answering. So I tried to call him immediately - he didn't pick up. Then I sent him a text message explaining the situation (fish was left in the fridge by babysitter/I cannot use my phone) - and got 5 messages back complaining that I hadn't given a proper briefing, not mentioned the fish to him or that both DC would be hungry, and he cannot rely on the babysitter's testimonial that the fish was fresh.

Whilst I admit that I forgot to mention the fish - does something like this warrant such a reaction? He hasn't spoken to me either since I came home.
I thought he can feed his DC? I really don't know any more whether IABU.

You're not supposed to go out - you're supposed to be skivvying at home 24/7 do his great male mind can be free to contemplate life's higher questions, like whether to break wind or blow his nose first.
I'd tell him to go fuck himself, personally, but a matter for you of course

A parent shouldn't need a "briefing". FFS. He needs to grow up.

I'm shocked that he couldn't manage to feed a 7 and 8 year old without a 'briefing'. I thought that they were babies and maybe this was the first time that he's been in sole charge.

Yes, clumsy, that would have been nice!!

DH does microwaving, putting frozen things in the oven - ing, can boil pasta and fry an egg.
Rice is a challenge.

I've been a SAHM until very recently.

How can you bear to have sex with him?????? Eugh, what a complete baby! How does he hold down a job if he can't even work something like this out? Ah! Because it's not that he can't it's that he can't be arsed.

This kind of thread makes me so happy im not married anymore (sorry op)
Its the constant deferrance to you as if youre their mum & then the silent treatment when the million balls youve been juggling come down.
I'm freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
not helpful sorry

A proper briefing? My DH works away a lot so I do the majority of the child-rearing and it wouldn't even enter my head to give him a briefing before I left.

I'd give him a one-off briefing - if you are the adult in sole charge at breakfast then they need fed. if you are the adult in sole charge at lunchtime then they need fed. if you are the adult in sole charge at dinner then they need fed. That should cover him for the foreseeable.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable.

Well exactly op it would have been nice and I don't think you should have to put up with anything less . i don't know sometimes whether I'm biased because my ex was emotionally abusive and maybe jump on stuff to quick but I see stuff so often on here that rings alarm bells for me such as when you said there is no point arguing Itl still end up being your fault . It makes me sad . I didn't realise at the time that I deserved better than that but I bloody know better now !!

you know your relationship better than a random on here but if this kind of sulking and everything being your fault happens a lot you don't have to put up with it you know

He doesnt eat leftovers?

What do you do with the rest of a chicken? Bin it?
I'd be telling him eat it or starve, what a waste of money, is he too good for leftovers then? Damm sure he wouldnt be getting something special made for him after I had been working all day, looking after kids and running a house too. Does he do anything at all at home?

Get tough poupee he isnt a toddler! Tell him to grow a pair and parent his kids for a change.

This is one of those horrible threads that starts out as an "Am I BU" about something really small, but once you've read the whole post you realise the problem is much much bigger (usually about 11 stone, 6 foot, and emotionally about 12 years old). Makes my heart sink.

I deal with this occasionally, but always am so unpleasant I think DH generally remembers, like Pavlov's dog, if he does something this pathetic, it hurts afterwards. But I am quite a cow.

Dude's been a parent for 8 YEARS and can't look after his own kids for TWO HOURS? Wow. No, YANBU. Not at all.

He should be utterly mortified with himself.

Thank you, clumsy.

It's just helpful to put a situation like to to total strangers, just to see if I lost my sense of proportion!

Parenting is so unbalanced it's unreal. DH went out for a birthday with younger friends and came in around 4am. The next night he was still really exhausted and our 8mo DD is regressing at the moment. He was huffing when he did 1 (out of 4) of DDs awakenings. Now if I were to go out until 4am (I wouldn't because I'm not stupid) I would fully expect to have to be a 100% parent. Not sign off duty until suitable rested . Get a fucking grip!

Poup
Yeh of course well I think it's a resounding -no! You haven't

You were a SAHM until very recently. To me, this is key. Has he been supportive of your return to work? Or has he been opposed to it and acting out in these kinds of childish ways?

WTAF I'm amazed you didn't hand his arse to him. The DC could have 'briefed' him themselves, probably along the lines of can we have pizza!!
The more I read Mumsnet the more I realise I've got a good one.
As to wont eat leftovers I'm afraid I'd treat that in the same way I do my kids and vegetables either hide them as what they don't know won't kill them or suck it up - eat it/don't eat it but you're getting nothing else.

Why was he so hung up over the fish? Why didn't he just ignore the fish and just give them both the pasta?
Are you normally a bit dictatorial about the food the kids eat or something? Its so bizarre.

He has been opposed to me going out in the evening to see friends, I'd say - cause I got messages on a few occasions (texts) telling me to come home, since he cannot sleep if I'm not there, in case he doesn't hear the DC if they wake up. Yes, I know.

During the first 5 years of being a SAHM, I hardly went out (twice all in all), and had hardly any contact with other adults. Things improved when the younger DC went to nursery in the mornings, and I felt like a freshly released prisoner when both were in school for full days!!!

I would be pissed off at him for trying to interrupt my very important meeting/workshop with a non-urgent question. Perhaps you should bombard him with questions when he is at work, complaining at a lack of briefing on what bin day entails, or lack of step by step instructions on how to fill car with petrol.

Is he a kid or a man?

I don't think I'm dictatorial about what the kids eat - one of them is fussy, however.

He sounds either (1) controlling and knows exactly what the fuck he is doing or (2) completely and utterly incompetent and needy.

I seriously don't know which is worse.

I work the odd evening, DH puts dc to bed and yes, I do lay out the pjs but I'm fairly sure the dc he would find clean ones if I hadn't...
If I have to go out before tea I prep something and leave him a timings list. I just want the evening to go smoothly and not come in to a lot of moaning.

I know, I know but I do every meal as he always does (necessary) stuff after he comes in, up to tea time. (Painting windows last week, for instance) and if he had to start from scratch they'd still be sat there when I came in. Sure it grates to cook every meal but it's not like he's sat on his arse doing nothing.

I really think you need to out more and normalise this strange experience of being a parent for him.