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Original poster

Adult niece and nephew fallout, who is BU me or Dsis

132 replies

rabbit12345 · 03/10/2016 13:29

Just really want everyone's take on this as not sure if I have been U or not.

Nephew just gone off to uni. I text him two days before he went wishing him good luck. I then text him a week and a half later to see if he was enjoying it and he ignored me and then I saw he had deleted me from FB. Today I learn that he is very upset with this as he was waiting to hear from me on the day he went. I do not have an excuse why I did not call. We were supposed to be giving him a lift but then he said he had made other plans and we said ok have a good luck and have a great time so in my head I had already wished him luck.

I am mortified and had I known he as waiting for my call then of course I would have contacted him. i would never intentionally hurt him. The fact is I do not really see much of him and he never texts me or anything like that. When we go round he stays up in his room. When he comes to me for family events he brings a book. I love him to pieces but although we see each other often, we are not close. I have never analysed it, just accepted it and the fact is I never considered that he would be bothered if he heard from me or not at that particular time. Having said that I have always been there when they needed me and I would have liked to think he knew I was always there for him no matter what.

My take on it is this... I have also 6 weeks ago taken a huge step in my life. Nephew didn't contact me and I didn't expect him to. Although I am sorry to hear he is upset I have said that as he is now an adult, going forward I am more than happy to make a bigger effort but it is unfair of him to expect it from me if he is unwilling to do the same. I am not saying he should do the same but just that it is unfair of him to expect me to behave one way when he does not. (bit of background also is that we have repeatedly had the "he is an adult and can make his own choices" remarks from my sister so I have responded to this as I would to any adult with these demands)

My sisters response is that as the aunt I am still the adult in this relationship and that he has every reason to be upset with me. That I should not expect the same from him and I am completely in the wrong here.

So passing to MN jury. What do you think?

OP posts:
Autumnandlovingit · 03/10/2016 18:08

I think this sounds like its come mainly from your sis than nephew and he's jumped along the OTT bandwagon for a ride. I'd also be very concerned that he's got time to ride a bandwagon when he should be having fun at uni.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 03/10/2016 18:10

The whole lot of them need to catch a grip of themselves.

mummyto2monkeys · 03/10/2016 18:38

Oh look Mummy narcissist has created two teen narcissists! Your sister is definitely warping the minds of her son and daughter and they are now officially adult narcissists themselves. I'm guessing your sister has previous for this kind of self entitled behaviour? I am also guessing that previous to your nephew starting uni you had a good relationship with your niece and nephew? Good enough for your sister to be jealous of your relationship with them? Or possibly she realises that you are sane and perfectly aware of her horrendous behaviour, and therefore you could possibly influence her children negatively? Could she be angry that you offered to drive your nephew and think you are trying to play the Mum role (I know its asbsurd but in the mind of a narcissist do not discount this possibility)? She could be trying to destroy your relationship with both your nephew and niece to secure her own controlling role?

To be honest, I would suggest your nephew and niece ask their friends for their opinions on the situation. My guess is they will be laughed at! If they continue I would say that when they are ready to apologise for their unreasonable behaviour you will be there, but you don't need to deal with two adults throwing tantrums (three including your sister, who sounds so crazy I would go completely nc with her)

FleurThomas · 03/10/2016 22:27

It's not unreasonable to expect an 18 year old to behave like the adult he is. His mum should stop making excuses for him and you should just go NC with him if that's what he wants.

SeaEagleFeather · 04/10/2016 15:35

Your nephew got upset because you and your sister had words over a few things recently? I guess it would depend how serious those words were. In some situations you could understand your sister's grown up child getting upset with his aunt; in other cases it could be totally overblown.

However, if you have a track record of avoiding your aunt and being upset with her on top of that record, then you really can't get offended if she doesn't text you ... especially if you've turned down her offer of a lift to uni and she's already given you a box of stuff.

I could actually see your neice being upset at being blocked, it would have been better to say 'I can't talk now Im at work, I'll ring you tonight" and then not picking up any calls. If she kept calling then block her. But to block her straight off was curt and if she was already upset with you it would make it worse.

I suspect that your sister has misrepresented what your nephew is doing / saying / caring about though. What normal nephew gets bent out of shape becuase his aunt didn't text him? Why on earth should he be furious? And why, exactly, should he be all sociable with everyone else except you? Things don't add up here and the best solution seems to be to step away. Otherwise you'll just get sucked into more drama.

SeaEagleFeather · 04/10/2016 15:36

Your nephew got upset because you and your sister had words over a few things recently? I guess it would depend how serious those words were. In some situations you could understand your sister's grown up child getting upset with his aunt; in other cases it could be totally overblown.

However, if you have a track record of avoiding your aunt and being upset with her on top of that record, then you really can't get offended if she doesn't text you ... especially if you've turned down her offer of a lift to uni and she's already given you a box of stuff.

I could actually see your neice being upset at being blocked, it would have been better to say 'I can't talk now Im at work, I'll ring you tonight" and then not picking up any calls. If she kept calling then block her. But to block her straight off was curt and if she was already upset with you it would make it worse.

I suspect that your sister has misrepresented what your nephew is doing / saying / caring about though. What normal nephew gets bent out of shape becuase his aunt didn't text him? Why on earth should he be furious? And why, exactly, should he be all sociable with everyone else except you? And if he has a problem with you, why the hell not raise it directly with you?

Things don't add up here and the best solution seems to be to step away. Otherwise you'll just get sucked into more drama.

SeaEagleFeather · 04/10/2016 15:36

sorry double post

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