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Original poster

Adult niece and nephew fallout, who is BU me or Dsis

132 replies

rabbit12345 · 03/10/2016 13:29

Just really want everyone's take on this as not sure if I have been U or not.

Nephew just gone off to uni. I text him two days before he went wishing him good luck. I then text him a week and a half later to see if he was enjoying it and he ignored me and then I saw he had deleted me from FB. Today I learn that he is very upset with this as he was waiting to hear from me on the day he went. I do not have an excuse why I did not call. We were supposed to be giving him a lift but then he said he had made other plans and we said ok have a good luck and have a great time so in my head I had already wished him luck.

I am mortified and had I known he as waiting for my call then of course I would have contacted him. i would never intentionally hurt him. The fact is I do not really see much of him and he never texts me or anything like that. When we go round he stays up in his room. When he comes to me for family events he brings a book. I love him to pieces but although we see each other often, we are not close. I have never analysed it, just accepted it and the fact is I never considered that he would be bothered if he heard from me or not at that particular time. Having said that I have always been there when they needed me and I would have liked to think he knew I was always there for him no matter what.

My take on it is this... I have also 6 weeks ago taken a huge step in my life. Nephew didn't contact me and I didn't expect him to. Although I am sorry to hear he is upset I have said that as he is now an adult, going forward I am more than happy to make a bigger effort but it is unfair of him to expect it from me if he is unwilling to do the same. I am not saying he should do the same but just that it is unfair of him to expect me to behave one way when he does not. (bit of background also is that we have repeatedly had the "he is an adult and can make his own choices" remarks from my sister so I have responded to this as I would to any adult with these demands)

My sisters response is that as the aunt I am still the adult in this relationship and that he has every reason to be upset with me. That I should not expect the same from him and I am completely in the wrong here.

So passing to MN jury. What do you think?

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 03/10/2016 13:49

Good grief!

I don't know who is behaving worse - your nephew or your sister!

Ridiculous - especially since you did text him to wish him luck!

I couldn't be bothered with all that drama over nothing Grin

ArcheryAnnie · 03/10/2016 13:50

He's an adult man, but he's also behaving like a weird, weird baby who is having a tantrum because - despite offering him a lift and texting him with your best wishes - you didn't magically call him when he was expecting you to.

He needs to grow up. You need to make yourself a cup of tea and reassure yourself that you have done nothing wrong at all.

Mummyoflittledragon · 03/10/2016 13:52

I am so confused. They both sound as if they've got anger issues or something and are trying to blame you. You sound lovely TBH.

I would go quiet and let them sort themselves out. No point in flogging a dead horse. You've made your feelings known and I would not chase them to appease the situation.

Is there a strange dynamic going on in your family or is this new?

ArcheryAnnie · 03/10/2016 13:53

Oh, and ffs don't send him a parcel of sweeties, as another MNer has suggested - unless you also include a pacifier and a bottle of gripe water.

coconutpie · 03/10/2016 13:54

So by your sister's logic, in 20 years time her 38 year old son will still be allowed to behave like a spoiled brat towards his aunt simply because she's more of an adult than he is? Fuck that.

YANBU. Nephew is being ridiculous and your sister even more so.

CockacidalManiac · 03/10/2016 13:55

He's a big fucking jessie

serin · 03/10/2016 13:55

Is he studying Drama?

cozietoesie · 03/10/2016 13:56

It sounds to me as if the sister is weighing in on this for some reason. Just ignore the pair of them and treat things as you would have done in any case.

FRETGNIKCUF · 03/10/2016 13:56

clearly he's super bright and off to university following primary school....

coconutpie · 03/10/2016 13:56

DO NOT SEND HIM A PARCEL OF STUFF!!!

What a crazy suggestion - he's the one being the twat. HE should be sending a pressie to his aunt for behaving like a brat.

Bestthingever · 03/10/2016 13:57

Is he studying drama?
Exactly

AmeliaJack · 03/10/2016 13:58

This us incredibly precious and over dramatic.

An 18yo who stays in his room when you visit is upset because you didn't call on the day he left for Uni?

That's beyond weird.

I would refuse to indulge such nonsense. I'd send presents etc exactly as you would normally (to keep the moral high ground) and wait for him to make the first move otherwise.

Sounds like a tantrum to me.

PerspicaciaTick · 03/10/2016 14:00

OP - sorry, I forgot momentarily that I was posting on MN. I should have said "burn your bridges and refuse to speak to either of them again".

Original poster
rabbit12345 · 03/10/2016 14:00

I think there is strange dynamics in my family where this is what is expected from you but it is not always returned.

My dsis says that I am wrong and that he is very family orientated and it is just me that he is different with. I never knew that. I never knew there was a problem. I just assumed he is a teenager who goes out late and sleeps all day. I never thought he might be avoiding me on our visits or anything like that.

I did him an emergency box for him to take to uni with a list of why I was putting bits in and it was full with alcohol, flip flops, screwdrivers, tea bags,condoms etc. I do feel like I acknowledged that this was a big move for him.

OP posts:
slightlypeevedwombat · 03/10/2016 14:00

do not send him anything

he needs to grow the fuck up as does your DS - seriously!

" Today I learn that he is very upset with this as he was waiting to hear from me on the day he went."
was he incapable of messaging you then???

DixieWishbone · 03/10/2016 14:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Witchend · 03/10/2016 14:00

I'm amused. I've just found while tidying a small pile of cards saying "Well done in your exams-enjoy uni!" They're from 2 out of 4 of my aunt/uncles and one of my godparents.

My thought: Wasn't that nice of them to send those.

Did I think any the less of the ones who didn't send? Not at all.
I'm certain that I didn't get any other communication from them before going.

I suspect the "photos on the newsfeed" idea may well be correct too.

cozietoesie · 03/10/2016 14:01

People often don't know 'how' to get themselves out of a situation that's happened. He may, for example, have unfriended you at 'someone else's' suggestion and not know just how to recover things.

I'd be completely normal with him - but ignore your sister.

slightlypeevedwombat · 03/10/2016 14:01

btw - where is the niece here from the title??

DoItTooJulia · 03/10/2016 14:02

You could send RADA membership in the parcel?

MuffyTheUmpireSlayer · 03/10/2016 14:05

Oh Jesus, they sound like a nightmare. Even if you were to clear this one up, it'd only be a matter of time before they stopped speaking to you over something else. Good luck to him in the adult world!

PrivatePike · 03/10/2016 14:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 · 03/10/2016 14:08

He has deleted you so you can't see what he gets up to a uni.

He will grow up eventually
Maybe....

cozietoesie · 03/10/2016 14:08

Think positively, Muffy. Maybe going to university might give him some perspective and weaken the strings?

AdaLovelacesCat · 03/10/2016 14:10

they all sound like a bunch of attention seeking drama queens to be honest.
Do people really act like that?

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