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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Adult niece and nephew fallout, who is BU me or Dsis

132 replies

rabbit12345 · 03/10/2016 13:29

Just really want everyone's take on this as not sure if I have been U or not.

Nephew just gone off to uni. I text him two days before he went wishing him good luck. I then text him a week and a half later to see if he was enjoying it and he ignored me and then I saw he had deleted me from FB. Today I learn that he is very upset with this as he was waiting to hear from me on the day he went. I do not have an excuse why I did not call. We were supposed to be giving him a lift but then he said he had made other plans and we said ok have a good luck and have a great time so in my head I had already wished him luck.

I am mortified and had I known he as waiting for my call then of course I would have contacted him. i would never intentionally hurt him. The fact is I do not really see much of him and he never texts me or anything like that. When we go round he stays up in his room. When he comes to me for family events he brings a book. I love him to pieces but although we see each other often, we are not close. I have never analysed it, just accepted it and the fact is I never considered that he would be bothered if he heard from me or not at that particular time. Having said that I have always been there when they needed me and I would have liked to think he knew I was always there for him no matter what.

My take on it is this... I have also 6 weeks ago taken a huge step in my life. Nephew didn't contact me and I didn't expect him to. Although I am sorry to hear he is upset I have said that as he is now an adult, going forward I am more than happy to make a bigger effort but it is unfair of him to expect it from me if he is unwilling to do the same. I am not saying he should do the same but just that it is unfair of him to expect me to behave one way when he does not. (bit of background also is that we have repeatedly had the "he is an adult and can make his own choices" remarks from my sister so I have responded to this as I would to any adult with these demands)

My sisters response is that as the aunt I am still the adult in this relationship and that he has every reason to be upset with me. That I should not expect the same from him and I am completely in the wrong here.

So passing to MN jury. What do you think?

OP posts:

WhereYouLeftIt · 03/10/2016 15:27

Your sister is a self-absorbed bitch, and needs to be kept at bargepole arm's length. As does her demonspawn.

OP, I'm guessing that if you put your mind to it you could come up with lots of examples of batshit behaviour of theirs, and it will mostly involve you being manipulated into making amends for some perceived transgression. THEY ARE AT IT. You have never caused any upset; your sister just gets her jollies making you jump through hoops and she has trained her offspring to disrespect you. So, fuck the lot of them. Your life will be the better without their swivel-eyed shenanigans and trumped-up upset. Keep your distance.

FrancisCrawford · 03/10/2016 15:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BadToTheBone · 03/10/2016 15:31

A bunch of drama queens. Bizarre behaviour from adults.

diddl · 03/10/2016 15:32

Leaving aside the not contacting him on the correct day re Uni-is it basically a fact of you falling out with their mother & them now wanting nothing to do with you?

NoMoreGrimble · 03/10/2016 15:37

Wow I feel as if I am reading something from my own family. Sadly people like these 2 really do exist. My own sister and her eldest DD would most definitely behave like this. DSIS is 70 and DN is 39. They won't change but how we react towards them now has. It's taken me many, many years to get to the place of "treat people as they treat you".

roundaboutthetown · 03/10/2016 15:37

Oh, ffs, they all sound unhinged. You're his Aunt, not his mother.

KC225 · 03/10/2016 15:38

Your Nephew and Neice are behaving like babies and your sister is stirring the pot. If she has issues with you she should not be dragging her grown up kids into it. Back off now, you have done nothing wrong, wait for them to cool down and DO NOT SEND sweets.

Are they always this nuts?

annandale · 03/10/2016 15:40

YEP?

What's that when it's at home?

Sounds like an episode of Desperate Housewives written by Harold Pinter.

Do any of them watch/listen to the sort of soap where who opened the last tin of soup can be made to last about three episodes complete with slow burn exits through convenient doorways and stares into the middle distance?

Just ignore them all and carry on with the normal level of contact you would want to give. You've been an exceptionally nice aunt. I have eight aunts and they are/were fabulous (not all still with us) but not a dicky bird going off to university because - get this - they would have assumed that I was about to have the most exciting time of my life and would have precisely 0 time to worry about whether aunt 3 had written me a letter or a postcard.

CousinCharlotte · 03/10/2016 15:44

Christ, what a bunch of bonkers drama lamas, ignore them all.

liquidrevolution · 03/10/2016 15:46

these members of your family are batshit.

HTH

DixieWishbone · 03/10/2016 15:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Notonthestairs · 03/10/2016 15:57

They are all twats. Sorry Op, they must be very hard work to be related to. And yes, come mid December I suspect they'll decide that it can all blow over in order to have a lovely family Christmas (and so that you can buy them enormous guilt gifts as you'll be so relieved to have them back in your life.)
They owe you an apology.

YelloDraw · 03/10/2016 16:01

He sounds like a right drama queen nd your sister is a bitch. Leave them to it.

Pettywoman · 03/10/2016 16:16

This is your sister's doing. She's been saying 'ooh you'd think auntie rabbit would call, it's as if she doesn't care, blah blah blah' nipping their ears and they're too immature to see reality and are loyal to her.

She's the one behind the shitstorm but I'd just ignore the lot of them. I can't be arsed with anyone who behaves like that.

flippinada · 03/10/2016 16:24

You haven't done anything wrong and it all sounds very tiresome and irritating. I would just leave them all to their silly manufactured drama.

It seems like your sister is at the centre of all this - is she prone to this type of behaviour?

Salmotrutta · 03/10/2016 16:25

Now that I see the niece is also behaving like a stroppy teen I can safely say they all sound like self-absorbed drama-llamas.

How exhausting they must be to deal with.

GabsAlot · 03/10/2016 16:27

i dont know why your sister has it in for you but i agree with pp that shes making this worse

you ddnt text him but had previously said good luck-what does he want a parade?

the three of them need a good smack and a reality check

OlennasWimple · 03/10/2016 16:31

Do you have time and space in your life for this sort of ridiculous behaviour, OP? They are bonkers....

Mummyoflittledragon · 03/10/2016 16:34

Goingtobeawesome. Thank you for your kind words. I'm a bit better. Never that well.

AmysTiara · 03/10/2016 16:36

They all sound really really odd. Bin them all op.

flippinada · 03/10/2016 16:40

On re-reading has any of this come directly from your nephew as in, aunty rabbit, I'm upset you didn't call me?

I honestly can't conceive of any 18 year old on their way to uni being remotely bothered by this. It sounds very much like your sister is stirring the pot for her own bonkers reasons.

MissMargie · 03/10/2016 16:43

You have allowed yourself to be inveigled into being the troublesome member of the family, the selfish and tricky one who doesn't pull her weight or 'care' for her rellies like everyone else does.

You can let this continue and be regularly chastised or you can get a life with nice friends or family who are normal and leave them to get on with it.

I know which I would choose.

Manumission · 03/10/2016 16:43

Sounds like an episode of Desperate Housewives written by Harold Pinter.

RortyCrankle · 03/10/2016 16:57

Totally infantile and bizarre behaviour from your sister and both her DC. I would say nothing further, block them and let them stew in their own stupidity.

AIIBU rarely gives a 100% verdict in favour of the OP - I hope it's a comfort to know that you have been pronounced to be totally reasonable

Original poster

rabbit12345 · 03/10/2016 17:35

I was prepared for a good kicking.

I am glad to know I am not BU though and will very much be standing my ground.

OP posts:

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