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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Adult niece and nephew fallout, who is BU me or Dsis

132 replies

rabbit12345 · 03/10/2016 13:29

Just really want everyone's take on this as not sure if I have been U or not.

Nephew just gone off to uni. I text him two days before he went wishing him good luck. I then text him a week and a half later to see if he was enjoying it and he ignored me and then I saw he had deleted me from FB. Today I learn that he is very upset with this as he was waiting to hear from me on the day he went. I do not have an excuse why I did not call. We were supposed to be giving him a lift but then he said he had made other plans and we said ok have a good luck and have a great time so in my head I had already wished him luck.

I am mortified and had I known he as waiting for my call then of course I would have contacted him. i would never intentionally hurt him. The fact is I do not really see much of him and he never texts me or anything like that. When we go round he stays up in his room. When he comes to me for family events he brings a book. I love him to pieces but although we see each other often, we are not close. I have never analysed it, just accepted it and the fact is I never considered that he would be bothered if he heard from me or not at that particular time. Having said that I have always been there when they needed me and I would have liked to think he knew I was always there for him no matter what.

My take on it is this... I have also 6 weeks ago taken a huge step in my life. Nephew didn't contact me and I didn't expect him to. Although I am sorry to hear he is upset I have said that as he is now an adult, going forward I am more than happy to make a bigger effort but it is unfair of him to expect it from me if he is unwilling to do the same. I am not saying he should do the same but just that it is unfair of him to expect me to behave one way when he does not. (bit of background also is that we have repeatedly had the "he is an adult and can make his own choices" remarks from my sister so I have responded to this as I would to any adult with these demands)

My sisters response is that as the aunt I am still the adult in this relationship and that he has every reason to be upset with me. That I should not expect the same from him and I am completely in the wrong here.

So passing to MN jury. What do you think?

OP posts:

SestraClone · 03/10/2016 14:39

This is just outright weird.

ToastDemon · 03/10/2016 14:39

Your sister is an arsehole and she's raised a pair of arseholes.
Tell the lot of them to get fucked.

Agree with PP who said you sound like you're the scapegoat in your family dynamic.

Hullygully · 03/10/2016 14:40

he is clearly insane

goodness how sad

SestraClone · 03/10/2016 14:42

You have a very strange family dynamic, I can't get my head round this.

Sancia · 03/10/2016 14:46

What a nob XD Like he's telling his mates he's upset because "my aunt who I don't really have a lot of contact wtih didn't text me the day I left for Uni."

Maybe he's just deleting family off his Facebook so he can make it look 'cooler' for prospective new mates.

Forget him, he sounds like a complete weirdo.

PickAChew · 03/10/2016 14:46

He's being a twerp and your sister IBU in expecting you to fuss over him when he's, quite honestly, so bloody rude.

Leave him to it.

KatharinaRosalie · 03/10/2016 14:48

They are all extremely sensitive special snowflakes who imagine the world revolves around them. Wow. an 18-year old young man throwing a tantrum about the timing of his aunt's phone call? Doesn't he have a life?

CatNip2 · 03/10/2016 14:53

WTAF! OP, you have done nothing wrong. We are a close family but when one of the nephews or nieces got their GCSE, A-Level results and then moved to Uni etc, they either got a FB message, or a text or a comment on their Instgram. No more was given, no more was expected.

You nephew doesn't sound stable to me.

What exactly is your sister so furious about? Sheesh! If my kids got a daily text off their Auntie they would block them too, but for being overly involved in their lives!

CatNip2 · 03/10/2016 14:55

So to summarise, I think the MN jury has a unanimous verdict!

Rrross1ges · 03/10/2016 14:58

Jesus christ on a bike! Pity the person he ends up married to.

PickAChew · 03/10/2016 14:58

And I would hope that a few years at university would give him chance to develop some social skills, away from his mother's paranoid apron strings, but from what you've said about his sister, evidently not.

You've done everything you reasonably can to be a good aunt. Sod 'em.

Manumission · 03/10/2016 14:59

Biggest day of his life?

Let me guess, he has those every year or so? (Vaccinations, potty training, first day at nursery, last day at nursery etc??) And the whole family are expected to awkwardly get involved every time?

I'm not sure you are helping yourself by buying into the drama and hyperbole, TBH.

Goingtobeawesome · 03/10/2016 15:02

Didn't need to read your whole OP to know that you've done nothing wrong and he is an adult having a toddler tantrum. I'd be tempted to ask both of them what they wanted, make them feel as uncomfortable as you have upset.

Manumission · 03/10/2016 15:04

For once, I really hope the subjects of this thread are reading it.

Their lives are going to be hell if they don't snap out of the familial narcissism nonsense, FAST.

hellsbells99 · 03/10/2016 15:05

Actually I think it is your sister that is more in the wrong and has created the drama. My DD has just gone off to uni and was very jittery about it - it is a huge step for them. She commented that my niece/her cousin, who she is normally close to, had not even text and wished her luck. I just replied that xx had a lot on a plate at the moment with working and a young child and she will have just forgotten that DD was going as life is not all about DD! DD obviously accepted this and said yes she had better message her cousin and ask how the little one was.
Yes, you are the adult but so is your sister!

ZippyNeedsFeeding · 03/10/2016 15:06

Could he be sulking because he was expecting a cash gift? My nephews and nieces all called round to see us (and other relatives) just before they went of to uni, in the hope of getting some cash. The more obvious ones went away disappointed.

Goingtobeawesome · 03/10/2016 15:07

Mummyoflittledragon - you really shouldn't have asked someone else to send the parcel and I wouldn't be sending more in future. Gifts should not be expected and they behaved appallingly. I hope you're feeling better now.

GreatFuckability · 03/10/2016 15:10

They're all insane. Bonkers.

MitzyLeFrouf · 03/10/2016 15:12

Revoke their sister and nephew status. I'd be too embarrassed to claim them as family.

SuperFlyHigh · 03/10/2016 15:17

big big drama and I'd ignore it.

so he thinks only HE has a life?!

You did text him etc

SuperFlyHigh · 03/10/2016 15:19

just read the niece's reply she sounds nuts too.

I think its down to your DSis enabling this special snowflake behaviour for both of them.

PikachuSayBoo · 03/10/2016 15:19

They're whipping each other into a frenzy over this. They're totally pathetic. I would ignore them.

PenguindreamsofDraco · 03/10/2016 15:21

This is just bonkers, no 18yo boy surely thinks like this?

Email them separately - without all the angst and breast beating you've included here (mortified WTF?) and be breezy and matter of fact. This has to be driven by your sister.

LondonYogaSuz · 03/10/2016 15:22

I'm betting all three of them will be nicer to you, say by mid December expectation of Christmas presents

cozietoesie · 03/10/2016 15:24

You cynic, London.

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