Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be upset by SIL's behaviour

303 replies

RedRoosterLondon · 01/10/2016 23:58

I lost my dad six months ago. He wasn't wealthy but he did own a house. As we live in London he put in our (my sister and myself) names to minimise inheritance tax when he died.

Because he had used a good solicitor things and had a simple will went through quickly, so we were able to sell the house a few weeks ago.

My sister in law has asked for a loan for 300k - to rescue her failing business. I refused and have been called every name under the sun, because she knows I have iit.

My husband wants me to help her. AIBU to say no.

OP posts:
MarklahMarklah · 02/10/2016 10:58

YANBU.
Your Dad left the money to you. End of story as far as anyone else in the family is concerned.
As has been said by many, it would be an unwise move to loan such a huge sum to a business that is not doing well.

magoria · 02/10/2016 11:40

Before you invest anything ask to see the last 2 or 3 years accounts.

Whilst your 'financial advisor' is giving them the once over to see if this is a viable proposition get the money sorted and secure for your DC.

Once your 'financial advisor' has giving them the once over, sorry it is too late. Money is tied up...

arethereanyleftatall · 02/10/2016 11:42

Wait a minute people.

Fine and sensible not to give it to a failing business, of course not.

But it's often mooted on mn, that as soon as you become a family, it's our money not individuals.

So, any decision is a joint decision. Still no to a failing business of course.

Also, we don't know many back details. Maybe the dh has been subbing the op for years. Maybe not, we don't know.

AmberLynne · 02/10/2016 11:47

I'm standing by the opinion that it's best nipped it in the bud with SIL. Any glimmer of hope, perceived or otherwise, will be pounced on by the SIL who might well be a chancer but to even get a business into 300k worth of debt, must have some kind of chops on her.

In my opinion it's a waste of time and energy to even begin discussions. Don't even give her the faintest crack of hope.

What kind of person even asks for someone's inheritance?! The kind who thinks they own you if you give them even a millimetre of ground.

Really. Best not engage.

IckleWicklePumperNickle · 02/10/2016 11:55

Absolutely not. Your DH has a cheek to say you have too. You'll never see the money again.

bloodyteenagers · 02/10/2016 12:24

Even with a joint decision, there will always be someone that has to compromise. There is no way that the op should compromise. the moment the sil starting calling her all the names under the sun, was the moment he should have stepped up and defended her, not also say she should hand it over.

I would be interested to know if the sil coincidentally needs the full inheritance amount. Was there any mention of the business being in trouble before you inherited. Do you have children with your dh?

Goingtobeawesome · 02/10/2016 12:29

This would piss me off big time. I've only received one lot of inheritance and won't receive anymore. It was £2k and tbh I'm not sure where it is but DH would not have even thought it wasn't shared money and wouldn't tell me what to do.

eddielizzard · 02/10/2016 14:14

what would your dad say?

'oh yes i worked really hard my whole life so i could give it to my son-il's dsis to save her almost bankrupt business! because i'm sure she's really good at it, even though she's already clearly fucked it up. yes! that's a great business investment!'

i think it's shocking he thinks you should tbh.

My2favboys · 02/10/2016 14:19

thank gooddness you're wise enough to say no freaking way 🖒

rollonthesummer · 02/10/2016 14:35

What an unreasonable DH!

Has the op come back!

Cleo22 · 02/10/2016 14:39

Before you do anything else get an accountant to check how much capital gains tax is payable on the sale of the property. You may not have £300K to lend.

I would not lend anything to a failing company unless there is a VERY good reason why it is failing and there is a VERY good reason why everything has now changed and it is now going to be a success.

I would avoid this business completely but if you do go ahead - what are the assets she can give you a charge over as a guarantee for the loan. If it is her property are you ready to evict her to sell her property and repay your loan.

AVOID!

QuackDuckQuack · 02/10/2016 14:41

There won't be capital gains of any significance because the value it was inherited at will be very close to the sales price given the quick turn around.

EweAreHere · 02/10/2016 15:05

Don't do it, don't do it, don't do it.

And it is your money, not your DH's, unless you tell him it's his, too.

Keep it separate so he can't offer it to his sister.

You also have a DH problem if he's pressing you to do this. Watch your back and your bank accounts!

TaliDiNozzo · 02/10/2016 15:08

No fucking way would SIL see any of that money if I were you.

DP and I had a similar situation although on a smaller scale. He inherited money when his dad passed away (before we were together) and his BIL wanted to borrow some of it approx 2 years ago. It was an amount in the region of about £45k he was after and DP said no (I backed him, FWIW). His BIL was very arsey about it, but DP has no regrets. That money is for our future and our DCs and I don't believe we would ever have seen it again.

user1468518769 · 02/10/2016 15:56

Don't do it. That money was hard earned by your dad. It's not there to loan out and possibly never get back.

Discobabe · 02/10/2016 16:06

Yanbu! Don't do it!!

DesignedForLife · 02/10/2016 16:23

Is she mad? Who one earth expects someone to give them that much money. Very very strange.

RedSauceAndJellyJuice · 02/10/2016 16:45

A resounding no then Grin

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/10/2016 17:33

No sign of the op. Perhaps her dh and sil bumped her off for the cash. 🤑😱

Seriously I hope she's ok. This sort of disagreement can wreck families.

GROWLEY · 03/10/2016 13:43

Don't even go there. Where theres a will there is 500 relatives. If business is failing the last thing you're going to do is hand over a large amount of money.

IceIceIce · 03/10/2016 14:44

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO AND FUCKING NO.

(Haven't RTFT yet).

awesomeness · 03/10/2016 17:37

i'd be suspicious as to why your DH is so insistent, does he have a financial stake in this 'business' and anything that failing and in for 300k, from my experience is already failed and there's high court orders to collect

plus £300k.....no way

and it's YOUR money!!!

your OH is pressuring you when you just lost your father, maybe question his motives and what you mean to him as clearly he has no problem with upsetting you

ThatWhiteElephant · 03/10/2016 17:42

That's a shit load of money, no yanbu.
I would be saying no too. And as others have said, put it away in your name only if your dh wants to help her out. That is your inheritance for you to spend how you wish.

Sparklyglitter · 03/10/2016 17:45

Sorry no way!

Laineymc7 · 03/10/2016 17:46

No way that is a crazy amount of money. Your dad left it to you and your sister not her. If she needed a few grand or something reasonable then fine. She could never pay you that amount of money back plus her behaviour and the business already failing are massive warning signs!. Keep you money and do something with it that makes you happy. I'm sure that's what you dad would have wanted. X

Swipe left for the next trending thread