AIBU to be upset by SIL's behaviour

[RedRoosterLondon]

I lost my dad six months ago. He wasn't wealthy but he did own a house. As we live in London he put in our (my sister and myself) names to minimise inheritance tax when he died.

Because he had used a good solicitor things and had a simple will went through quickly, so we were able to sell the house a few weeks ago.

My sister in law has asked for a loan for 300k - to rescue her failing business. I refused and have been called every name under the sun, because she knows I have iit.

My husband wants me to help her. AIBU to say no.

No way. My husband inherited - I think of it as his money. No way do I have a moral claim on it. The children maybe, but I don't.

Nor does your husband, or his flaming sister. If the business was sound she'd get a loan from a bank.

I'm not sure it's a good idea to even entertain the idea, even as a tactic.

Best not engage with the notion at all. No from the start, end of discussion.

I'd buy a house with it in the children's names with you and the solicitor/bank as trustees.

Yanbu, no way I would lend more than £200 to family.

blueturtle has a good approach. Asking SIL for access to certified accounts for the business at present, along with her business plan (to include notional repayment schedule for the £300k) should be enough to stop this nonsense.

A thousand times NO. Do not lend!!! There's a reason her business is tanking. Good money after bad springs to mind.

And how dare your husband lean on you to bail her out. I'm not sure I wholeheartedly agree on the 'our money'. Your Dad won't have bought and maintained that house thinking 'ooooh hopefully one day this will save some woman's business related to my daughters future husband who she hasn't even met yet!!!!'

Your husband is a bit of a Grade A shit for not being grateful that his children's futures are somewhat assured and wanting to protect that.

You are going to fall out with your SIL, either now when you won't lend her the money, or later when she fails to repay it. The only real difference between the two is that you'd be £300k down after the second.

See a solicitor and get it out in something absolutely air tight like a trust. Get good advice though for tax reasons. Breaking trusts is expensive.

Winchester

OP says the children are from her first children.

OP, when the business goes tits up, you won't see your money or your SIL ever again.

*marriage not children!

Trust or buy a property with your DC and your names on deeds. Do you have any DC with charming "D" H?

Not saying I know much about it but worked for solicitors as legal sec for past 6 or so years so though not common we see all sorts of cases re money and money from wills.

I'd go back to your fathers very good solicitor and make sure that money was totally safe. Shut them both down, tell them the decision is final and never to speak of it again
This x a million.

Very fishy

In this specific scenario, this is so different. Yes, on one level it is "our" money, but ONLY if it was going to be used for you as a couple or your children, not so that your fathers money can be used to prop up his son in laws sisters nearly bankrupt business

^^ this.

Poor you op, I really feel for you - having to deal with this abuse and fall out - when you have lost your DF awful, brash rude behaviour.

if my DB was doing this to my DH I would be seeing him in a whole new - grasping wicked light and telling him to never ever darken my door again.

Its hideous.

I'm guessing sil has a loooooong history of throwing tantrums and getting what she wants.

Obviously you say no.

Asking SIL for access to certified accounts for the business at present, along with her business plan (to include notional repayment schedule for the £300k) should be enough to stop this nonsense

It may stop the nonsense but it also encourages more talk and interaction and indeed HOPE for the SIL on this subject.

This issue needs to be put to bed with no more discussion or hopes raising. So I wouldnt go down this route.

No. Fucking. Way.

I wouldn't 'lend' that amount of money to anybody. You'd never see a penny of it again.

Tell your 'D'H to fuck himself - I'd be very suspicious of his motives here -get some good financial advice about getting (at least a portion of it) put into trust for your DC so he can't get his mits on it.

The only issue with getting it out of ops name is that the DH can work onthe DC later - its been done before and will be done again!

Lend your dad a few grand etc...

She has some nerve asking to borrow 300k for her failing business!
You are not being unreasonable, she is being unreasonable.
Under no circumstances lend her your money. You don't even need to give a reason! It's your money, your choice what you do with it. Gambling it on her business would be far too risky.

here may be tax to pay on U.K. Based trusts. Get advice. Get independent trustees (hence solicitors) so they can't be badgered by dh/sil. Get it drawn up so only your children have access when they hit 18/21/25/30 (one or all of the above a client of mine set his so on each milestone birthday his kids get £20k).

Trust fund should be managed so as to protect and enhance. Maybe invest a chunk in High dividend paying stocks (get advice for this).

That's what I would do.

This. Get a solicitor and financial advisor involved. If she asks for money, you can tell her it is out of your hands. She can send information about her business as an investment opportunity to the FA to be considered along with other investment possibilities.

Offer to lend her £10,000/20,000 to pay a decent accountant to negotiate a CVA or an administration with her creditors and help her put together a new business plan to avoid it happening again.

Tell her and more importantly your "D"H that you will never lent 1p more of it again.

Though on reflection probably best to tell her and DH to sod off.

No, no, and no again.

Over the years I have heard of SO many cases of loans to friends/family that were never repaid and came to be the cause of a huge amount of bad feeling or actual estrangement.

And £300k is an awful lot of money.

If you don't need it for yourself, then that sort of cash would be a huge help to your children later on.

She should go to the bank for a loan. The bank won't lend? Why is that do you think? If a bank see her as poor prospect of being repaid so should you.

Your father has left you a precious nest egg, do not fritter it away because you have been guilt-tripped. Stand firm.

I suspect that SIL wants no-strings-attached "gift" of 300k to piss up against the wall, not a loan that has to be paid back.

I think it show your DH's priorities - he would rather keep is sister happy than you.

Im so sorry for your loss.

Yanbu at all op. That kind of money could get your dc on the housing ladder easily and give them real security. Vs a failed business, and it is failed if she needs so much money (which I doubt).

Maybe bookmark a small amount for yourself? In case your dh behaves badly and you end up needing some security.