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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

You know those threads that say wibu to tie my toddler up....

60 replies

YoJesse · 01/10/2016 18:00

Is it always a lighthearted rant or does it actually happen?
I've never done it myself but my STBXH did once. Earlier this year I came back from work and noticed balled up gaffer tape and some scissors on the couch and asked. He said he got pissed off because ds was moving around too much (he's three and energetic) and snapped. He said ds was not bothered and didn't tantrum or cry at all and just sat there happily and when I told him I was pissed off he said it was only for 5 minutes. His child therapist says he has disassociates in bad situations so I hope it wasn't that. My ex couldn't stop giggling when he told me what had happened even though I was obviously pissed off with him. so I'm wondering if It's just a parenting fail like that bloke who sent his kid to school in dungarees and nothing else or if it's always wrong.

As not to dripfeed it obviously isn't great in our case as STBXH had various addiction problems and his parenting was getting quite erratic by that point but in normal healthy households does this happen but just as a bit of a parenting fail?

BTW I'd never do it myself and he only sees his Dad in a contact centre.

OP posts:

Ausernotanumber · 01/10/2016 18:00

Holy fuck that's awful.

CarcerDun · 01/10/2016 18:03

I'd be very concerned if anyone actually did that, sounds like he definitely needs supervised access to your DS.

UmbongoUnchainedInAPearTreeeee · 01/10/2016 18:03

No it does not!!! But worrying that you have to ask?!

Crystal15 · 01/10/2016 18:05

That's fucking awful. I wouldn't let him near my kids again. Actually made me feel a bit upset reading that

VimFuego101 · 01/10/2016 18:06

Um no, that's absolutely batshit. Is the contact center temporary, will he eventually get unsupervised access?

Ausernotanumber · 01/10/2016 18:07

I'm a bit worried you have to ask. Can you talk to your HV?

ElleBellyBeeblebrox · 01/10/2016 18:08

That's fucked up, and I am by no means a perfect parent. Also I don't think that sourcing gaffer tape and scissors and then using them constitutes "snapping", that's planned, as well as emotional and physical abuse.

FireSquirrel · 01/10/2016 18:08

Is this a wind up?!

No, it's not something people actually do. It is something that could get your kid put on a CPP or removed from you. I am worried that you don't seem to realise how serious it is. It's a world away from just a momentary lapse or error of judgement.

GlitteryFluff · 01/10/2016 18:08

Not acceptable. Ever.

PinkyOfPie · 01/10/2016 18:09

No, it's not a parenting fail, it's abuse

coffeetasteslikeshit · 01/10/2016 18:11

I tied my cousins up to keep them quiet once when I was about 12.... but no its not acceptable from a so called adult.

Original poster

YoJesse · 01/10/2016 18:11

Apparently stuff like this used to happen to us as kids (my dad's a drunk) and it's always told a a funny if a slightly story. Note he's an ex!

OP posts:

EsmesBees · 01/10/2016 18:15

This is something people say as a joke when they are nearing the end of their patience. It's not right OP but it sounds like you know that already.

gettingitwrongputingitright · 01/10/2016 18:17

Thats bang out of order. Of course nobody in their right mind does that

JellyBelli · 01/10/2016 18:21

Thats really not normal, appropriate or acceptable. Ask your or your childs counsellor about it, they can help you sort out some boundaries.

DXBMermaid · 01/10/2016 18:23

I was once tied up, well sort of. We were at a campsite, my brother was a baby and I kept running off. So my Mum tied me to a tree with a washing line. I was able to roam around and she was there, but I wasn't able to leave our little camp site.
I'm fine, I have a great relationship with my Mum. I wasn't upset when she did it, and it wasn't for very long. I completely understand that she got fed up if having to look for me with a newborn.

gettingitwrongputingitright · 01/10/2016 18:28

Is this a wind up along with the candles and toddler thread? Odd

Original poster

YoJesse · 01/10/2016 18:37

It happened once. I wasn't comfortable with it but certain behaviour was a bit more normal than it should have been at the time. He loves his ds but wasn't in a great state of mind.

Mermaids story was kind of how it could have been normal. FWIW it made me uncomfortable.

OP posts:

DustyOfSkye · 01/10/2016 18:38

WTAF???

No of course it's not fine. And I don't understand why you're not fucking furious with your ex. It's called child abuse.

Ausernotanumber · 01/10/2016 18:38

It should have made you a bit more than uncomfortable. To be honest it is really really terrible. Awful.

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 · 01/10/2016 18:39

I can see my kids doing this to my dh but not the other way around!

1DAD2KIDS · 01/10/2016 18:48

That don't sound right. I know that young children can be difficult when moving around. Especially if you need to keep them in one place as you do something hazardous etc. To a mild extent this happens all the time for a child's own safety and to make them more manageable. I am thinking toddler harnesses and wrist straps. Sometimes people briefly strap kids into a pram for a bit while they get stuff done. But this sound like an act done out of frustration/anger rather than for a short practical reason. Also the method used sounds really harsh. If it was my kids I would shit a brick. Personally I think that is very wrong and unlike Mermaids story sound like an act of anger and frustration rather than a practical function.

DesignedForLife · 01/10/2016 18:52

What? That's awful. Very glad he's your ex and doesn't have unsupervised contact. I think it needs to stay that way. That's not normal behaviour, and if it happened to you as a kid then that's abuse.

YouAreMyRain · 01/10/2016 19:06

That is awful and abusive.

I tied my toddler's reins to the railings on a harbour wall while I was crabbing with three older DC last summer. It was only for brief spells while dealing with the needs of the other DC and we did go for lots of walks along the harbour in between. He could move a few metres in either direction and he had more freedom than if he'd been strapped in a buggy, and it was only for safety while I needed my hands free. I felt bad doing that but I felt sick at the idea of him ending up in the harbour

Original poster

YoJesse · 01/10/2016 19:13

I think I know it's awful but at the time it felt just like a bit of a lapse of judgment. My ex was unwell obviously and both our judgement was a bit off kilter. He really loves ds and never physicaly hurt him.

The exact same didn't happen to me as a kid (don't want to say what sort of stuff did happen, not because it's bad but because it's now a family joke and would be a bit identifying).

It's actually good to hear I wasn't overreacting by being fucked off with him. At the end time I looked like the one who was overreacting and causing an argument.

OP posts:

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