You know those threads that say wibu to tie my toddler up....

[YoJesse]

Is it always a lighthearted rant or does it actually happen?
I've never done it myself but my STBXH did once. Earlier this year I came back from work and noticed balled up gaffer tape and some scissors on the couch and asked. He said he got pissed off because ds was moving around too much (he's three and energetic) and snapped. He said ds was not bothered and didn't tantrum or cry at all and just sat there happily and when I told him I was pissed off he said it was only for 5 minutes. His child therapist says he has disassociates in bad situations so I hope it wasn't that. My ex couldn't stop giggling when he told me what had happened even though I was obviously pissed off with him. so I'm wondering if It's just a parenting fail like that bloke who sent his kid to school in dungarees and nothing else or if it's always wrong.

As not to dripfeed it obviously isn't great in our case as STBXH had various addiction problems and his parenting was getting quite erratic by that point but in normal healthy households does this happen but just as a bit of a parenting fail?

BTW I'd never do it myself and he only sees his Dad in a contact centre.

Yes he's on cpp and it's hard to shake even though we're settled at my mum's.

I know about the freedom project but not sure it's for me.

I'm the proudest mum you could ever meet. I love my ds and want the best for him. Ix rather people think this was all bullshit than I didn't love him and want the best for him. It's been yet another wake up message that what I describe is apparently bad enough to be made up worthy. I never want to let him down and the only reason I'm not with dh is the real risk we'd be parted.vwhybcant people realise that????!

They will in time, but honestly Jesse if your judgement is so skewed that you wondered if this was normal, you've a very long way to go yourself.

You say your oh loves ds and would never hurt him, but gaffa taping him up so he couldn't move (presumably done in anger) would have been terrifying, that is hurting him.

I know you love your partner, but for whatever reason, he's not a good person, not right now.

I hope you and DS go from strength to strength, taking all help available, and that your oh gets sorted eventually.

Please do the freedom project, I think it will be revolutionary for you!!

This is horribly abusive and you need to report it. If you sit on this and one day DS spots some gaffa tape around somebody else and points to it and says 'dada tied me up with that once' it's going to be so much worse for you.

You know how in armed robberies victims are sometimes tied up with gaffa tape by an angry yelling man? And they are traumatised for decades to come? Your son was gaffa tape tied by an angry man, this is a highly traumatic, terrifying experience and your son needs to work through it with his therapist ASAP, not in ten years time when he is old enough to know how wrong this was. Being tied up and helpless, not knowing what is going to happen to you is terrifying. Adults are traumatised by this stuff. A three year old does not have the capacity to deal with it, he's bound to have shut down in order to cope. Christ. Part of my job involves providing therapy to adults who experienced things like this, it's the stuff 45 year old men sit and shake and cry as they recount the terror they experienced.

I've seen worse too OP, but that was abuse as well. The reason people can joke about tieing up their kids is because it is unthinkable to actually do it in a normal household.

I'm so glad your ex doesn't have unsupervised contact. You've done great getting your DC out of that environment. I hope you take pride in that, it will make so much difference to your kids' lives (and yours too!).

Thanks bastard I know you understand.

I'm hoping that he won't remember it as he's so little. He's had a lot of play therapy so things don't get bottled up.

It sounds like you genuinely realise now you may have under reacted at the time. I wouldn't beat yourself up forever as we all make mistakes. I stupidly used to leave my DC in the car alone in his car seat as a baby whiles I nipped in shops or did the school run. Right now I can see it was the most stupid thing to do, but because that was the norm when I was a child I did it myself. Was only when I found both DC hysterical crying once I realised this isn't right. Then my new DP said what If something happened to them or somebody broke into the car etc. It suddenly hit me how horrendously stupid I had been.

So Yea that was 1 of a few of my shit parenting moments. Yes totally unacceptable but ya know I've learnt and anyone that knows me knows I'm a brilliant mother, very protective, loving and do anything for my kids. Yet I still have made mistakes. But I learnt and I will not repeat them. Give yourself a break. What's done is done. You child is still so very young. You have the chance to create whatever childhood you wish for him, look forward not back.

So after gaffer taping your child, he had taken it off after a while and also left scissors lying on the couch?

Are you actually saying that the only reason you're not with your DH is that you'd be separated from your son (due to child protection issues)? If my husband had done something so awful to our toddler, I wouldn't want to be with him at all. I think most people would have the same response.

I know from your previous threads that there were substance abuse issues, but that seems like a very odd response to all the things your DH has done in the past.