You know those threads that say wibu to tie my toddler up....

[YoJesse]

Is it always a lighthearted rant or does it actually happen?
I've never done it myself but my STBXH did once. Earlier this year I came back from work and noticed balled up gaffer tape and some scissors on the couch and asked. He said he got pissed off because ds was moving around too much (he's three and energetic) and snapped. He said ds was not bothered and didn't tantrum or cry at all and just sat there happily and when I told him I was pissed off he said it was only for 5 minutes. His child therapist says he has disassociates in bad situations so I hope it wasn't that. My ex couldn't stop giggling when he told me what had happened even though I was obviously pissed off with him. so I'm wondering if It's just a parenting fail like that bloke who sent his kid to school in dungarees and nothing else or if it's always wrong.

As not to dripfeed it obviously isn't great in our case as STBXH had various addiction problems and his parenting was getting quite erratic by that point but in normal healthy households does this happen but just as a bit of a parenting fail?

BTW I'd never do it myself and he only sees his Dad in a contact centre.

A lot of your posts don't sound good jesse

He is gas lighting you if you ended up feeling like the one who was overreacting. To be honest, it's also not good if your family think this kind of thing is funny.

You sound like you need more support. Is there anyone you can talk to?

No, it's not a parenting fail, it's abuse

This

This is all in the past. we're not together anymore and we have lots in input From hv etc. Ds is doing great.

Bloody hell.

I do hope you are 100% sure nothing like that is happening at this time.

Did you mention it to the HV?

I'm too scared to mention to my hv because they'll ask why I let it happen. I'm not going to tell anyone in rl.

Why are you protecting him! What he did was abuse. Emotional and physical abuse. Why on earth would you keep quiet about something like that?

You didn't "let" it happen.
He was responsible for it.
But you are responsible for safe guarding your child from there and to report it.

This is so horrible. You should tell your HV so both you and DS can get the help you will need to deal with this. You wouldn't want your son to perpetuate his Dads behaviour as an adult would you?

I used to occasionally lose my rag completely with DS1 and strap him into the pram just to make him Fucking Stop MOVING. I figured that as a temporary measure it was better than letting myself get angry enough to thump him (which I never did, let the record show). DH did once have to dissuade me from restraining him in the car with a suitcase strap (he kept opening his door/wriggling out of straps/unlocking the seatbelt/hitting his brother; gentle distraction/screaming at him wasn't working and I'd Had Enough).

So no, it's not normal but is the sign of a parent struggling in most cases I would say.

I'm not protecting him. It's almost irrelevant now anyway. I'm much better at safeguarding him now I'm sober/clean but I still feel guilty sometimes.

My biggest fear right now is my son copying our actions and following in our footsteps. I don't see what good can come out of reporting it now.

As long as you can guarantee he'll never ever have unsupervised access then I guess you're right.

This information could only help to ensure that though?

The blokes a grade A abusive bastard.

Well done for getting out Jesse

If I knew you and thought his actually happened I'd be reporting your ex to social services.

Your ex sounds like a fucking psycho - tying a child up? WTAF!!!

And sorry but I am a little concerned that you needed to ask whether this was normal?!?!

YoJesse, please do not let this man have unsupervised contact, let whoever is sorting out contact know this event happened also let the HV know. Please look after that little boy, you are his voice, you need to keep him safe

Not normal, how would he like it if someone did that to him!!! Do people forget that toddlers are just little people and they have feelings and emotions too. You post has made me cry for your DS, glad that he only gets access in a contact centre.

Using gaffa tape to restrain a child is abuse. This is a very upsetting post.

That's just awful. And the fact that you had to ask what you did is really worrying.

A Nanny my Nana had once tethered the DC to the radiator as apparently they were driving her mad, my Nana didn't even bat an eyelid - according to her she was the best Nanny she ever had?!

Yojesse, I remember you. He is an awful, horrible and abusive man. You need to report this so you can build a picture for SS so they can block contact between him and your ds. They won't blame you.

The state he's sadly in at the moment ss won't even consider unsupervised contact. But he's not horrible and abusive. He's ill. He really has it in him to be a good dad and he loves his son.
I can't believe the past situation I walked in on is unbelievable to some people. I don't want to go into details but I've lived and seen a lot worse. It seemed fucked up to me at the time because I'd just started engaging with ss and also seeking support on here.

I've really grown up a lot and upped my threshold for what's acceptable. I promise.

I don't want to block contact between them. Just for it to be supervised. He'll learn to love who his Dad really is in time.

I'm sorry if the op read as upsetting. It was a bit of an unsettled time but ds is doing great. He's really flourishing and happy now

I get that you don't want to block a relationship between your ds and his father. But your ex really really needs to comprehend that this kind of behaviour is beyond wrong.

Until he fully understands how damaging it is, he really shouldn't be allowed to be near your child.

YoJesse

Is your child currently on a child protection plan?

Have you done any parenting courses? The freedom programme?