to not give money or presents to any staff at my child's school

[definetlynotbored]

I refuse to contribute to staff donations, presents for teachers, staff birthdays etc etc etc.

If others want to do it thats fine. But the day I spend my money buying a present for my child's teacher (who gets paid to teach him) is the day I am in a grave.

It's completely and utterly unnecessary. Would be seen as highly inappropriate in my culture and is just silly.

I would be the first person to help anyone out in a crisis, but I don't give presents or money to class donations/teachers presents and never will and I'm not a mean person...honestly!

I'm not the only one surely? .

*Thanks for the job advice Ragwort, but I love my job and am pretty amazing it, so will have to decline.

This whole thread is:
some people> teachers don't deserve gifts, its just a job
teacher> its not just a job because (enter reasons)
some people> omg you are such martyrs

A massive thanks to all those supporting teachers*

TeacherBob again, maybe I've misunderstood your sentiment in which case I apologise, but a resent the tone in your last post.

I said earlier that I read your post as martyr-ish because you seem to say that teachers work harder, are more important, and are undervalued. But they do it because they want to. I did not say "you are such martyrs". I meant to convey the opinion that your posts come across like a martyr. I do not believe that all teachers are martyrs, nor do I think negatively of you for the work you do.

But you don't seem to be understanding anyone else's point that other professions are worthy, undervalued, underpaid, have few 'perks', work extraordinarily long hours for no extra reward etc. You seem to belittle any profession other than teaching. And you don't seem to have a very high opinion of the parents of your 'babies'.

As I have said before, I think teachers deserve far more thanks than they currently receive. I organise class collections. I encourage my child to make personal and heartfelt cards and notes. Please don't tar all parents and non-teachers as the enemy.

oblada
I wrote the same thing at the start of this thread.
I think we are agreeing with each other but maybe you missed the line of my earlier posts.
To sum it up:
I never expect presents and cards.
I love getting them because it shows people feel I have done a good job.
I dislike the idea of group buying because it isn't so personal.
My favourite ever thing was a home-made card.
(I have also worked with some damn awful lazy teachers who only deserve the sack and nothing more!).

Gazelda
That post you quoted was aimed at a specific post from Ragwort (why can you not quote posts on here like on other forums anyway!)

It isn't that I feel other professions are less worthy. It is just I am replying to specific posts.
If the post says 'teaching is just a job' I feel I can respond to that and say it isn't.
I cant really say 'teaching is more than a job and so is... and then list a whole load of other professions.
I haven't really commented on any other professions simply because I don't know what they do and what they get up to.
I can only comment on my profession from years of personal experience.
The OP gave his/her opinion, I gave mine.

That's all :)

I think you should raise the matter with the school governors. If it is a local authority school I believe there is a Code of Conduct for staff which foirbids the acceptance of gifts, with the exception of low value offerings such as a small box of chocolates when refusal may give offence. Giving teachers money is way over the top in my opinion.

I always give gifts to teachers(and teaching assistants) my son has had some lovely teaching staff and teachers don't just teach anymore they do so much more for which I am grateful and I like to show my appreciation.
But that's just me, not veveryone wants to give gifts and that's fine too.
Don't explain yourself to anyone it's your choice.

As a teacher I sometimes receive presents or cards from children at christmas and the end of year - I am always touched but would never expect them. I do a job I love doing and get paid for it. I can't say it isn't nice to hear that you're appreciated but that's just human nature. I think you need to let people do whatever they want and not judge them - the teacher most certainly won't be judging you. A home made card is a lovely gesture.

Many,many years ago,my dd brought a letter home from infant school to say they were collecting for the head cook who was retiring. I completely ignored it as I was fed up with letters asking for money/selling raffle tickets etc. And also dd came home for dinner every day so never had a school dinner. I forgot all about it. A few weeks later, dd came home and said she was going to be in the local paper. Turns out, the youngest (my dd) and the eldest child in the school had been chosen to present the gift and flowers to the retiring head cook! Ouch!

I think the crucial point is about showing appreciation to those who help us.

It isn't that some jobs are less worthy or the people in them work less hard, so are less deserving of gifts or appreciation. Some jobs bring the workers into contact with the public more than others. This simply means that those workers have more of a chance to have direct contact with the public and the public to be directly impacted (either positively, negatively or neutrally) by a specific individual.

I don't think the issue is whether teachers work harder than other workers, whether they are paid more or less or are more deserving. The issue is simply that our children spend many hours a week with them and therefore they do have a big impact on their lives. Yes, they are paid and should be doing a good job (and aren't in it for praise, thanks or presents) but isn't it just a human courtesy to show appreciation to those who deliver a service which impacts us?

Again, I think the key is showing appreciation. This can be through presents (and many people find this the easiest way - either individual or the whole class variety) or some other means. The key though is to make sure we do show appreciation. Just because someone is paid to do a job, doesn't mean we shouldn't thank them.

And I think this show I g appreciation should be extended beyond teachers. The focus is often on them and fortunately many people do think show that appreciation, but what about the other people who make a difference in our lives too - perhaps not so many hours per week impact, but who do make our lives better. I think of the voluntary Brownie/Scout leaders, the swimming teachers, the people who serve us in shops, the bin man etc.

It really isn't about having to give gifts and gifts in themselves miss the point....it's really about showing appreciation. So if you don't give gifts, that's fine.....but do you show appreciation?

When it comes to thinking about teachers who probably spend 30 hours a week with our kids, it isn't 'necessary' to give gifts or to show appreciation....because they will do their jobs regardless and yes they do get paid.....but what kind of a world do we live in, if someone can impact one of our family for 30 hours a week without us feeling some kind of acknowledgement is due - the fact they are paid, or that other people work hard too, is hardly the point.

I agree with you 100%. I never have donated and never will.

This is another new - ish thing from America. It's 18 years since I was at school but gifts for teachers were few and far between. Having my own children now if I felt compelled to give a teacher who I felt had gone above and beyond their role I definitely would, as I would in all walks of life. However, a teacher at my daughters preschool recently left (not retired) and they put in a letter home about donating to said teachers leaving gift I found it a little cheeky of them and feel it should be optional but not suggested. I hate it when people ask for money in their wedding invitations though so maybe I'm not the best person to ask

As a teacher and a parent I can say that I a) don't expect a gift from anyone but do b) buy gifts for all my children's teachers.

I have worked both public and private sector and can honestly say that it is my choice to work public but it has nothing to do with the 'compensations' as one person put it and everything to do with vocation. One thing to.m note though - I SPEND lots of money in the pursuit of teaching; every time there's a science experiment that needs tinfoil, cotton wool etc or an art activity that calls for sharpies or sequins, every time there's a snotty nose that needs blown or an tooth that needs an envelope - I buy all of those things. I buy things to make the class look nice and smelly stickers because the kids like them and I can honestly say that every teacher does the same.

I am paid to do my job and I'll reiterate, I expect nothing from any child.

But please be kind when you think of your child's teacher and remember that whilst I am paid to do my job, there are a hundred ways that I go the extra mile for your kids that are not in the job description or pay packet and a thank you (and I mean an actual spoken, not a gift thank you) fro you and your child is very, VERY much appreciated.

Ahh I see the milk of human kindness is running freely through MN tonight.... sigh

I think it's become overdone

When I was a kid I had a very special teacher and I myself bought her a present - from me - and we were not well off so it took effort - nearly all the kids bought her a present themselves - she was a very special teacher

This modern expectation that every teacher should be bought things is silly - buy something only if teacher has been exceptional - or your child wants to buy something

People gave presents to teachers 30 plus years ago, when I was a child in South London. It's nonsense to claim it's new and a US export, because it was well established then.

I give presents to staff who go above and beyond for my child. That can mean the school admin, the cover teacher, his SENCO and the class teacher. If people go the extra mile so my vulnerable child with complex needs is well cared for, I want to make it clear that I have noticed. That doesn't mean other parents should feel obligated - their kids may have had very different experiences.

I've never so far had a request for money for a teachers gift. If I did depending on how much was requested & if it was a teacher my children knew (& liked!) I probably would. But I would make the decision. I always give a small gift to my children's teachers and teaching assistants at the end of term as a token of appreciation. They spend a lot of time with your child and their work is not always made easy.

I don't understand why people that don't want to give have to export their feelings - I'm happy to give gifts, at Christmas because I love Christmas and feel the staff have extra work making the Christmas school stuff, and at the end of the year as a general thanks. I gave chocolates to the midwives that delivered dd2 as it could've been a disaster if they weren't so competent. Where's the harm in a bit of kindness? If I was hard up, I wouldn't do it and wouldn't feel bad about it as it's obvious when you don't have the money you just don't.

I understand that people don't like to be told they must contribute towards a class gift and also that people don't like feeling they have to give a gift.

Those pressures don't come from the teachers. They come from other parents.

To those who are so absolutely certain they will never ever ever give a gift to a teacher......I just wonder why. Is it because you are reacting against other people giving? Is it because you feel other parents have put you under pressure and you are reacting against that? Is it really because you think that if someone has received a wage, even if they have been exceptional and gone well above and beyond to make your child's experience at school a great one (and I accept that this won't be every teacher every year) that you cannot possibly conceive of feeling so pleased to see your child thriving so much, that you just might like to express that overwhelming sense of appreciation? I find the doggedness of some people about not ever giving rather bizarre. IT suggests to me that some people are never ever pleased by anything and never ever want to show gratitude to anyone.

Again, it's really not about the presents, but willingness to see the good that people do for others....the extra steps that people take to help others beyond what they needed to and which just make our lives better. It's having an appreciation that actually,nquite a lot of people, teachers sometimes and sometimes others too, do go the extra mile. There are lots of good people in this world.

I think cynicism has crept into lots of people and they find it hard to see good in anyone or anything. They feel everything they or their children receive, they are absolutely entitled to and is not worth acknowledging or being pleased about. They think that if they haven't been given a gift themselves, or been thanked themselves, then they won't do it for someone else.

I'd just say, remember that our children see our behaviour and attitudes. Dont we want them to grow up to be people who appreciate others and are willing to show gratitude, rather than marching round as if every single thing that happens in life is simply our due?

Our class rep collects for the TA and teacher.

TA lives in a house over double the value of my own home. But her child is in the same class as mine so I felt under pressure to contribute.

Used to drive me bonkers when I was doing it years ago. I was the class rep so was the one doing the asking - not quite sure how I ended up with that thankless job. Definitely wouldn't do it now!

What's it got to do with the value of her house?
We don't give to people because they are poor and need our help. We give to show appreciation.
Are you appreciative of the work of the TA - does she make a real difference to your child and you want to acknowledge that? If yes, then either give or show your appreciation in some other way. If you're not wanting to show appreciation to her because she hasn't impacted your child, then don't feel under pressure. It's fine to say 'thanks for organising this, but I don't want to get involved'. But don't think of your choice in terms of the value of that persons house!

I am usally the mum that organises the collection for my ds class teacher, we only do it for the end of year and yes I do suggest a £2 donation and I must say most of the other mums are really pleased to have one less thing to do or think about. we also have gone for very personalised presents such as this July it was the teachers first class at our school so we did a ceramic vase signed by each child in the class decorated with the school logo and the school year dates as a momentum everyone was really pleased with it it had to be better than thirty boxes of chocolates surly ?

I remember giving gifts in primary school..The one I remember most is my teacher went to have a baby and my mum knited her an outfit..so not american at all.

forgot to add that was in the late 70's

My oldest is 20, and have 2 primary age, and I would agree with pp that it was unusual to buy the teachers presents. I always think that lots of parents feel obliged to buy the teacher a present.. a good old dose of adult peer pressure. If I was a teacher I'd never know whose gifts were heartfelt and whose were genuine appreciation.

To teachers who spend their own money on materials for their classes, how can we as parents help with that? We don't know when you'll need glitter/cardboard tubes/tape/pens, but I can't be the only one who'd like to contribute to this kind of enrichment - far more, to be blunt, than I want to buy you coffee and cake or a John Lewis voucher. From what you've said most of you would rather have the resources too.

What's best? Is storage an issue? Can we pick up resources in The Works at random and drop them off at the beginning of term? Do those kind of places do gift cards? Are there things that are always useful - Pritt Sticks, sugar paper, odd rolls of wallpaper for board lining?