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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not give money or presents to any staff at my child's school

267 replies

definetlynotbored · 01/10/2016 09:21

I refuse to contribute to staff donations, presents for teachers, staff birthdays etc etc etc.

If others want to do it thats fine. But the day I spend my money buying a present for my child's teacher (who gets paid to teach him) is the day I am in a grave.

It's completely and utterly unnecessary. Would be seen as highly inappropriate in my culture and is just silly.

I would be the first person to help anyone out in a crisis, but I don't give presents or money to class donations/teachers presents and never will and I'm not a mean person...honestly!

I'm not the only one surely? Grin.

OP posts:
MrsHathaway · 01/10/2016 16:49

Whatever That's a pretty rare example compared to the zillion times I've read "I put into the class collection because it's one less thing to think about".

oblada · 01/10/2016 17:13

To the pp about bosses bringing in choccies or organising a Xmas party - well it very much depends, many don't I expect. In any event it is different the parents do not employ the teachers. I don't expect gifts from my clients for the service I provide.
And teacherbob - you do not know what other jobs entail unless you've done them. I used to work for the CAB and represent clients at tribunal. I was on 20k and used to work regularly from 7am and evenings and week-ends to get the job done. I loved it though. Having said that when I did win a big case I did sometimes get choccies/flowers or a thank you card. But not as a Xmas thing. It was for going above and beyond on a particular case. And a thank you card was more than enough :)

TeacherBob · 01/10/2016 18:29

So it is ok for you to get a present for winning a big case as a thank you, but not for a teacher to get a present as a thank you for working their arses off?

Ragwort · 01/10/2016 18:40

You are not doing yourself, or other teachers, any favours TeacherBob by coming across as such a martyr. Why don't you leave teaching and take up a different profession as you clearly don't think anyone other than teachers is capable of working hard in a meaningful job.

Chocolate makes a good point - of course saying 'thank you' and showing appreciation is important to lots of people we meet in life - but that doesn't have to mean shoving a box of maltesers in the teacher's hand at the end of term. Grin.

a7mints · 01/10/2016 18:56

I think eventually teachers will be taxed on an assumed level of benefits in kind.

Wayfarersonbaby · 01/10/2016 23:00

I think eventually teachers will be taxed on an assumed level of benefits in kind.

I doubt that the Revenue are that interested in primary school children's £5 gifts of Boots toiletries, chocs and mugs to their teachers Hmm

Gwenhwyfar · 01/10/2016 23:07

"To the pp about bosses bringing in choccies or organising a Xmas party"

Most private sector places provide a Christmas party or at least a lunch don't they?
I thought it was only the public sector that didn't provide this.

TeacherBob · 01/10/2016 23:08

Thanks for the job advice Ragwort, but I love my job and am pretty amazing it, so will have to decline.

This whole thread is:
some people> teachers don't deserve gifts, its just a job
teacher> its not just a job because (enter reasons)
some people> omg you are such martyrs

A massive thanks to all those supporting teachers

clumsyduck · 01/10/2016 23:16

Iv not come across this having to give gifts though ? I have given a small gift for ds teacher and teaching assistants at the end of term the last two years ( his first years in school ) just something small both years . Yes they get paid for it but just wanted to thank them really ds has come on leaps and bounds since starting school in no small part thanks to the amazing teachers he's had who I feel went the extra mile with him and supported him for example the times he was upset etc .

No one is forced to though or is looked down on for not doing so

Blueskyrain · 01/10/2016 23:23

Bob, it IS just a job. A very worthwhile job, but it is by no means unique or unusual in terms of us demands. Not to the extent claimed anyway. Most people do things that aren't in their job description. Many if those week e do so for hours a day. Most, unlike teachers, don't have shorter 'official' hours and long holidays to partially compensate for it.

You work hard, so do many of uswho don't regularly receive as much as a thank you, let alone gifts.

ilovesooty · 01/10/2016 23:24

Most private sector places provide a Christmas party or at least a lunch don't they? I thought it was only the public sector that didn't provide this

The voluntary sector doesn't either (in the case of my employer anyway)

Gwenhwyfar · 01/10/2016 23:25

ilovesooty - all the non-profit places I've worked for have provided a Christmas lunch and also free tea and coffee at the office, both things the public sector doesn't provide.

Gwenhwyfar · 01/10/2016 23:27

"it is by no means unique or unusual in terms of us demands. Not to the extent claimed anyway. Most people do things that aren't in their job description. Many if those week e do so for hours a day. Most, unlike teachers, don't have shorter 'official' hours and long holidays to partially compensate for it. "

Not sure I agree with that. Most people who work long, unpaid overtime are in highly paid professions. As an admin worker I certainly wouldn't do any overtime and wouldn't take work home except in an emergency.
I don't think you can compare with lawyer, doctor, etc.

Blueskyrain · 01/10/2016 23:33

A lawyer (criminal law anyway) may well be on less than a teacher, for far more hours...

Highly skilled does not always equate with well paid.

ilovesooty · 01/10/2016 23:37

Gwenhwyfar we do get free tea and coffee.

nicp123 · 01/10/2016 23:37

I organised a 'democratic' vote at my children's schools at the beginning of Year 7 sending a slip for parents: "Please tick: YES or NO for contributions towards flowers and cards for the teaching staff this year".
The anonymous results: 95% of parents responded YES.
However, when the contributions were collected only 70% of parents actually bothered paying.

Iggi999 · 01/10/2016 23:38

What teacher has ever asked for a present? They must have to practise their "overjoyed" face when given another smelly candle or body shop set (unless of course that happens to be what they really love).

987flowers · 02/10/2016 00:02

I think eventually teachers will be taxed on an assumed level of benefits in kind

Presents must vary greatly, I think I'm safe with the chocolates and candles I receive!

I wasn't going to chip in but I think, like other teachers have said, no teacher expects a present so please don't feel guilty not buying one! I'm always greatful if I'm given a gift but a thoughtful email goes just as far. I like to say thank you and I give a lot of reviews on trip advisor etc when things have gone well as I know how much it means to me when someone says thank you!

intheknickersoftime · 02/10/2016 07:45

I can't see how teacher gifts can ever be considered a benefit in kind. They don't ask for them and it's not part of their contract. That is a key measure which hmrc use to decide whether to tax. This is forever being trotted out on Mumsnet and is just a load of old cobblers.

KERALA1 · 02/10/2016 08:00

Odd thread. Don't contribute no one cares it's optional.

I also think class collections are great. Teachers work very hard ( not one myself but parents and sister were/are) and get few if any perks. Clubbing together to get a decent treat is a nice idea. I organised a collection last year left envelope in school office so people could donate or not anonymously. Think the "pressure" to donate is in people's heads.

reup · 02/10/2016 08:27

Re the tax thing. Friends have had head teachers that have banned or given an upper limit for monetary/vouchers gifts for teacher (one also banned parents clubbing together), siting that sort of tax thing. I think one made one classteacher (a colleague dubbed her in for getting a cash present when the parents ignored the head) spend it on her classroom- as if she hadn't bought a ton of stuff anyway. I think one head was just jealous as no one ever bought her a gift - she was hated by parents and teachers alike! (She told one group of stressed Y6s that if they didn't do well in their SATS they would never get good jobs!). In her first year at the school half the teachers left and that continued almost every year of her headship!

MrsHathaway · 02/10/2016 08:33

Ours has a limit set by the LA but it's to avoid "undue influence" ie bribery.

reup · 02/10/2016 09:22

That's so odd because often it's the end of term and the reports are written!

intheknickersoftime · 02/10/2016 09:48

Nicp, I am coming to the end of Primary years and am a bit cynical, but parents like yourself who organise things with the best of intentions and ask all parents opinions always have to endure a lack of support from a significant minority who make life difficult. If those parents who said they were happy to pay, don't pay then it makes a mockery of what you were trying to do and wastes everyones time. Like that lady on the other thread who had to put up with horrid pta woman trying to misappropriate a child's collection she had organised. Best of intentions, an attempt to do something heartfelt, scuppered by some gossipy know if all school gate queenbee.

oblada · 02/10/2016 10:00

TeacherBob - "So it is ok for you to get a present for winning a big case as a thank you, but not for a teacher to get a present as a thank you for working their arses off?"

You are not getting my point. I disagree with the automatic gift offering idea to teacher at xmas/end of year. I have said from the beginning that I would consider doing something for an exceptional job, at the end of the year or at any other time, to recognise a particular teacher that I particularly valued. I do not think this will be an every year/twice of year kind of thing - hence the "exceptional" idea...

Even when I lost cases I still worked my ass off :) lol

The point I was making is I dont expect gifts from my clients for xmas but I would have no problem with a thank you card for a particular tough case of course just as I would do to a teacher or any profession if someone has gone really above and beyond. I did not thank the laywers who dealt with my house purchase because they just did their job. If we had had to fight hell and back with the other side and they had really supported me throughout I would have given a thank you card/box of chocs THEN!

And thinking of gifts: in the CAB I was not actually allowed to keep any for myself (flowers/choccies - all for the office - no issue with that though, fine by me) due to a potential conflict of interest/breach of professional boundaries... So yes a thank you card is more than enough :)
And it should be deserved. Not just for being a teacher and not just because of your premise that all teachers work their ass off no matter what.