Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not give money or presents to any staff at my child's school

267 replies

definetlynotbored · 01/10/2016 09:21

I refuse to contribute to staff donations, presents for teachers, staff birthdays etc etc etc.

If others want to do it thats fine. But the day I spend my money buying a present for my child's teacher (who gets paid to teach him) is the day I am in a grave.

It's completely and utterly unnecessary. Would be seen as highly inappropriate in my culture and is just silly.

I would be the first person to help anyone out in a crisis, but I don't give presents or money to class donations/teachers presents and never will and I'm not a mean person...honestly!

I'm not the only one surely? Grin.

OP posts:
SnookieSnooks · 01/10/2016 11:43

I know how you feel OP. I find the end of year presentation sessions to teachers with expensive gifts make me cringe with embarrassment. I have even seen one teacher burst into tears (it was her last day in that school). I do, however, like to say a proper 'thank you' now and again when I think the teacher had gone above and beyond. E.g. 'Thank you for doing x. It was a great idea. It really helped my DC with y and will make a big difference when DC does z.'

arethereanyleftatall · 01/10/2016 11:43

I'm the opposite, I give lots.
The reason I do is because my kids teachers have all been amazing. They go above and beyond for the children. I think they deserve a present or a hand made card.
I'm a swim teacher and I get lots of cards, chocolates bd flowers at the end of term. I put my all in to teach in and this makes me feel appreciated. It isn't the cost of the gift, but the thought.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/10/2016 11:46

I was talking mainly about teaching my child gratitude. How I choose to show my gratitude is my business. You seem very uptight about this subject. I am perplexed about the eye rolling.

Aeroflotgirl · 01/10/2016 11:52

Each to their own, who's rocked your boat! I do because I want to, and because my dc have SN, and the teachers and TA have really helped them, and they are doing so well now because of the help and effort they put in. You do sound a bit of a misery though.

Cherrysoup · 01/10/2016 12:08

Never worked at a school where parents were asked to contribute to staff presents, that's weird.

LikelyLama · 01/10/2016 12:09

The OP isn't being misearable though. She just doesn't want to give a present to a teacher. I don't give to every charity that asks me for money? That doesn't make me mean.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/10/2016 12:16

Lama I think it's the ops abrasive attitude, which makes her sound miserable, not the choices she's making. She took my post personally when I was merely stating what I do with my child and was not meant to be in some way a criticism of her choices. We are all different and if she didn't want a range of answers, she should have kept her fingers off the keyboard.

justgivemeamo · 01/10/2016 12:17

Would be seen as highly inappropriate in my culture and is just silly.

^^what culture is that then?

Do as you wish

TeacherBob · 01/10/2016 12:18

What an interesting thread, with so many aspects.

So from a teachers point of view, here goes...

As a teacher, I never expect presents from anyone.

That said, I LOVE getting presents. Not because it is a present, but because the thought behind it says 'we think you did a good job'.
I especially love getting personal bits, like a cup painted by the child etc.

Because it says 'you looked after my baby for a year, and I trusted you'.
And be assured, just about every teacher knows when a parent buys something because they feel obligated. We would rather you just didn't bother. We know.

Now, as for the 'it is your job and you get paid for it' argument.

This is pretty much bullshit :p

Plenty of people get 'tipped' doing their job. Why is that right and a present to say thank you wrong?

I had my wage slip, it shows I am paid for 32.5 hours a week.

I get to work at 7am and I leave at 6pm every weekday without fail. Most teachers do a minimum of 7.30am-5.30. And get around 30 mins lunch (whilst making resources, setting up lessons etc).
That is a minimum of 10.5 hours a day I do. 52.5 hours a week. 20 hours over what I am paid for. Then I work evenings, as just about every teacher does. And at least a sunday. As a lot do. You can add another 10 hours minimum for weekend and evenings.
We get all the holidays though right? Big nope there too!

If we dare to do any training, we get slammed (inset days should be taken in what little holiday we get right, instead of actual work times?).

And the pressure, my God the pressure. Ofsted, the government, senior leadership, time, lack of money etc etc. And the parents! Every parent assumes they know better than the teacher these days, and feel they have the right to tell you how to run your classroom (seriously, spend 5 minutes on these forums to see complaint after complaint thread).

So, no, we don't get paid for what we do.

It isn't a job. It is a lifestyle. And not particularly a good one. The time with the children is great, it is why we do it. But sadly that is getting to be a smaller and smaller percentage of the time.

Teaching is being dumbed down. The government introduced 'teach first' to rush through top graduates into teaching jobs. I know a lot of them personally (more than 15). Two currently stick at it. The rest are gone. There reasons are either 1) work is too stressful or 2) we don't get paid what we are worth.

If we dare to do anything like strike, to try and secure the profession for years to come, we get hammered again, but parents and the government.

I love my job. And I WON'T change it for the world.

But let's not pretend it is just a job.

I have your babies for a year. For that year they are my babies too and I share every pain they go through, every job, every success and failure.

But it is fine, it is just a job right?

TeacherBob · 01/10/2016 12:21

Oops to my spelling though :p

And I am talking about gifts for about £1/£2

The thought really does count

2cats2many · 01/10/2016 12:21

Do whatever you want but I know that my children's teachers go above and beyond their JD and I like to show to show that I've noticed and am grateful by making a point of thanking them and buying them a gift/ contributing to a collection.

I was helping out a PTA event in school last night and there were teacher still working in their classrooms at 7.30 in the evening.

GingerbreadLatteToGo · 01/10/2016 12:24

My eyes rolled back so far they touched my brain!

That shouldn't be a problem, a collision with something very small & very soft rarely does much damage.

Willow2016 · 01/10/2016 12:32

You give if you want to and think your teacher has done a great job, done more for your child than was expected of them or whatever, or you dont end of.

Its not compulsory, who gives a toss what anyone else thinks? Your choice you dont have to justify it but you also dont have to complain about those who don't do as you do.

We always give a little gift to the teacher and ta as they also do out of school clubs (unpaid in their own time) and do other things not in their paid time. I dont spend a fortune, its just a personal token gift and card that we think would be appreciated, (not a mug!) to say thanks. Many parents at our school do, we dont have a collection unless someone is leaving. We also give in a box of chocs/biccies for the whole school staff (small school everyone knows every teacher, ta, cook, and cleaners etc)

We also give sons martial arts teacher a small gift, they put in hours after their own work several days a week, offer lifts to grading, competitions etc and it is all appreciated.

To us thats what Xmas is all about, appreciating the people who are important in your life.

oblada · 01/10/2016 12:37

Teacherbob - this could be said of many jobs you know! Teaching is a great career but there are a lot of other jobs/workers where exactly the same could be written in their own context. A lot of ppl go above and beyond the call of duty. But again in any profession you will also find the dutiful 9-5 clock watching guy. Teaching is not special in that way.

But I think you and others (and the op!) have hit the nail on the head - parents shouldn't feel obliged to buy presents and a heartfelt thank you would be much better in my view. It's free, it comes from the heart, it doesn't discriminate in terms of class or social status, it doesn't end up in the landfill, and it can be given to anyone who deserves it regardless of the job/profession and it means something. I am all for that. But presents, no.

Gazelda · 01/10/2016 12:38

TeacherBob. Most parents appreciate their DC's teachers. Please don't generalise that all parents are a pain in the arse.

Your post doesn't do a great deal to warm people to teachers - it reads (to me) as though you are a martyr, yours is a better and more important profession than others and that you work harder than others.

I'm sure you're a great teacher, I'm sure you have added a huge amount to the babies in your class/es. But please don't belittle parents. Most of us know how much effort teachers put in, how vital they are to the future of our children and the country, how difficult the profession has become, and how undervalued you must feel.

formerbabe · 01/10/2016 12:43

I always buy the teachers a gift at Christmas and the end of term. I think it's fine if you don't, although I think a card expressing your appreciation is a nice gesture at least.

acasualobserver · 01/10/2016 12:44

But please don't belittle parents. Most of us know how much effort teachers put in, how vital they are to the future of our children and the country, how difficult the profession has become, and how undervalued you must feel.

Reading the teacher threads on Mumsnet does not bear this out.

WildIrishRose1 · 01/10/2016 12:49

It isn't a job. It is a lifestyle. And not particularly a good one. The time with the children is great, it is why we do it. But sadly that is getting to be a smaller and smaller percentage of the time.

^^ This, with knobs on!

intheknickersoftime · 01/10/2016 12:50

I don't know why people get their knickers in such a knot about this. A box of maltesers and a handwritten card that shows your appreciation goes a long way. I've done this even when I've been completely skint. Everyone likes maltesers and everyone likes a bit of appreciation so you can't go wrong Grin

oblada · 01/10/2016 12:51

What job is only a job though?? That's just silly! The same could be said of many professions. It depends on ppl actually more than the job!

chinlo · 01/10/2016 12:55

I never knew this was a thing at all. Never happened when I was at school.

I wouldn't do it either. Maybe at primary when they have just one teacher for the whole year, I suppose. Not at secondary school though. Too many teachers!

LuluNTutu · 01/10/2016 12:56

Seems a bit odd to be so militant about it. A good teacher can make a huge impact on the course of a child's life; I would want to say a special thank you if someone had gone 'above and beyond' for my child.

intheknickersoftime · 01/10/2016 12:58

It's not a thing at secondary school afaik. I have two at secondary and one at primary. I just do for class teacher. If you start with TAs and dinner ladies I would be buying a lot of maltesers!

soimpressed · 01/10/2016 13:01

I don't expect a present. I don't feel obliged to give a small gift to my pupils every term but I still do it.

There is so little money for things in schools now that I also spent over £100 last year on basic resources such as pencils and whiteboard pens.

Why do you feel the need to start a thread that is designed to stir up bad feeling towards teachers?

Gwenhwyfar · 01/10/2016 13:05

" I don't get presents for doing my job!"

Really? No bosses every bring in any chocolates or anything. Not even something small for Christmas or a paid-for Christmas party?