to not give money or presents to any staff at my child's school

[definetlynotbored]

I refuse to contribute to staff donations, presents for teachers, staff birthdays etc etc etc.

If others want to do it thats fine. But the day I spend my money buying a present for my child's teacher (who gets paid to teach him) is the day I am in a grave.

It's completely and utterly unnecessary. Would be seen as highly inappropriate in my culture and is just silly.

I would be the first person to help anyone out in a crisis, but I don't give presents or money to class donations/teachers presents and never will and I'm not a mean person...honestly!

I'm not the only one surely? .

Presents for the teacher is a relatively new thing. It certainly never happened when I was at school.

Depends on the area I guess: my mum was a teacher 30 years ago and came home with a big box of gifts every Christmas and summer. But when I started teaching 14 years ago in a school with a different background, only one or two parents gave gifts.

I don't give teachers a present, my dc do though. They make things (we sew lots of bags) or choose something they think their teacher might like. Ok maybe the teacher would prefer a £10 John Lewis voucher but they want to give something personal.

You sound mean, OP. Not because you don't give teachers gifts, which is completely your choice but because part of your reasoning is that it would be highly inappropriate in my culture.

In my opinion, it's highly inappropriate to live or travel somewhere and not try and embrace the social niceties of the host culture.

Unguents are creams and lotions and things! One of my favourite words, because it is an ugly word for supposedly pretty things!

What's "your culture"

Who cares, OP? So don't give anything.

Some people like to give a present or a card to say thank you, but if you don't then just refuse.

I'm generally the parent organising class collections. Thst doesn't make me a bad person, it just means that I'm the one who tends to be at both drop off and pick up every day so it's easier for me. I organise it by circulating a note in plenty of time which emphasises that it's optional, that I realise many parents prefer to do their own thing, and that I don't keep tabs on who's contributed.
And I genuinely don't keep tabs. If someone gives me cash, I put it in an envelope and forget about it until a few days before when I tot it up to decide what to purchase (usually vouchers). We all do our own cards. Some children/parents prefer to bring flowers from their garden, or bake a cake, or volunteer to help clear up the classroom at the end of term.
speaking personally, I encourage my DD to make a thoughtful card and write something inside it. I make a point of thanking the teacher and TA, I hope they know how much I appreciate the impact they are having on helping me to shape my child's future.
That's why I give a gift, I equally respect other parents who show their appreciation in other ways or don't believe either way is appropriate.

I have bought presents for a couple of teachers at my children's school and I did this precisely because it was not necessary.
DS had three teachers who were absolutely superb and excellent role models and I gave them restaurant vouchers.
I don't think teachers expect gifts and I think it is fine not to participate in class collections. I volunteer at my dd's school (have done for over 7 years) and I appreciate it when I get a card with a class photo. This year one of teachers took me out to dinner to thank me for helping with reading for the last two years. It was a lovely gesture :) especially as it was not necessary.

This isn't a discussion on whether we think teachers do their job brilliantly, whether they go above and beyond etc. It's completely irrelevant.

I think we should all say thank you. It's polite, its kind and it shows appreciation. That's not what the post is discussing.

The point of my post is that, that thank you does not need to be in the form of a present and there is nothing wrong with not giving a present to a teacher. You can give a card, say thank you in person etc. But there is no need to give a present to a teacher. From my experience teachers would much rather a heartfelt thank you or a handmade thank you card. There seems to be a tradition in primary schools to give presents and I think its unnecessary.

Teachers don't work harder than other workers (how offensive to say so) all professions have workers who go above and beyond what is expected of them. I am a Social Worker. I have always cared about those I'm working with, but never ever wanted a gift from them. It is unnecessary.

If someone wants to give a gift thats fine. They can.

But no one should ever ever feel the need to give one. Should never feel pressurised to give one. Should never be asked to give to a communal collection and should never be called 'miserable' for not giving one. To me thats just utterly wrong.

I would welcome a scheme where schools asked parents not to give gifts and to donate to charity if they wanted to give something.

I agree pp but op seemed to be implying teachers didn't deserve any recognition because they were 'only doing their job'.

Yanbu. As a teacher I don't expect gifts (especially as I'm in secondary), but I have received occasional gifts particularly from 6th formers but it tends to be from the kids themselves and given because they appreciate the extra mile we sometimes go. I've been quite touched by some of the gifts and messages. So, I think you are completely correct that you don't have to give a gift but for a genuine reason it will be appreciated.
However,, just a message in a card does the job!

I teach (secondary, so no present culture). Last Christmas, it was too manic for me to get a present for DS's teacher, so I sent a message expressing my gratitude for the work that she and her team put into settling DS into school. In the summer, as their present, I bought a small item that I find very useful in the classroom that all the team will benefit from.

Creating a culture of minimum donations isn't good, and I don't want to deluge the teacher and TAs with excessive amounts of chocolate/ wine/ smellies, but teachers and support staff deserve gratitude for the effort that they put into their job. The actual hours a teacher works is typically double their contracted time. For the level of qualification necessary for the job, the hourly rate of pay for the hours actually worked is fairly low. (I know that this is not the same league as NMW jobs, but the responsibility and levels of scruitiny are very high. I'm sure that others will be able to cite other jobs and professions in comparison and fair enough, that's beyond my experience for comparison). Teaching conditions are also being significantly undermined by the academies system. Few schools will have the budgets to enhance terms and conditions, many are undercutting the national agreements.

One of the key characteristics of teaching is the relationship between the teacher and pupils. There's so many posts on here about the consequences where that is poor, and the importance of a good relationship deserves recognition.

I agree OP, no one should feel under pressure to give a gift. It starts to add up and when you're skint it is very stressful, especially at Christmas.

I think a small token gift is fine. I think these parents who compete to buy the best gift for their child's teacher are only doing it for the recognition and to be honest are quite fucking sad

I disagree that there is an expectation from teachers with regard to gifts. However, sadly, I see an increasing trend in a default negative position of a minority of parents with regard to teachers. I have heard of parents complaining about teachers, including a parent who demanded the sacking of a teacher who pointed out to their DC that eating a sandwich was not allowed in the classroom during a lesson. These very same parents, however, never said thank you, even when the teacher had spent MANY hours helping their child over the years. This trait was passed on to their DC, unsurprisingly. I realise that this is one example, but it an indication of a level of distrust which is creeping in between parents and teachers, along with the implicit view that teachers should consider themselves fortunate to be a job at all! A simple thank you for hard work and dedication, something which is present is an overwhelming number of teachers, is a polite and civilised way to behave.

YANBU I don't think anyone should be obliged to buy a gift for a teacher, however lots of parents want to buy a to show their appreciation and there is nothing wrong with that either! I'm a nurse and when I worked on a ward we often got chocolates at Christmas from patients relatives. We don't expect these but do appreciate them! I don't see how gifts for teachers are any different.

Our primary school in UK did a collection, A fiver was suggested but some of the wealthier parents put in more. I told a struggling single mum was told we have more than enough and to just sign the card. It was split between Teacher, TA'S and PGCE student. We got them John Lewis vouchers and all wrote a lovely letter to parents and children saying how they had spent them.

I don't think there should be any pressure to contribute of you don't want to but no need to be uppity and mean spirited about other people contributing.

Having worked voluntary in schools and nurseries, I think it's nice when parents get them something at Christmas and the end of the year. However I do not feel it is compulsory.
Some parents like to, others do not

I appreciate your point OP when you later wrote that you do say thank you, but your initial post came across as aggressive in its tone and read as combative. A pity. Still, it did encourage discussion...

Why not look at it another way, which is that young children love giving presents, and their teacher is probably the one adult outside their family who they have the most contact with and might like to give a present to? I think it's a nice thing, but then I would never give anything expensive, just a handmade card and a token gift of something - a Christmas decoration, something small but quirky, some pencils or stationery, or even something for the classroom. I know my daughter absolutely loves giving presents and is itching to make her nursery workers some kind of pine-cone related craft object!

I'm a kind person and actually a generous person. Just don't feel it's necessary at all to give teachers presents

That reads a bit oddly. Look I get that obligated gift giving is a bit weird but you seem to have drawn a very firm line where one isn't necessary.

Has a teacher ever made a real difference to your child, inspired them, challenged them, helped them through a tough time. People give presents to express gratitude for help received.

I think it's weird to say "I'm generous but I don't give presents to teachers". A generous person would, I think, give presents out of general generosity of spirit.

The fact that it's unfair on poorer parents is a red herring unless you are one of those parents.

Dd and I make presents. These are appreciated much more, I understand from her school, than the standard booze or chocolates, which are given in their dozen. A hand made card is also nice. For me, it's about teaching my child to appreciate and thank others as well as to show my appreciation for helping to educate my child. Teaching is a tough job. There are other tough jobs for sure.

If a person is feeling undervalued in their job and chooses not to show gratitude to others, this perpetuates the cycle. Better to show gratitude even when you receive none and you are likely to get gratitude from the recipient teacher.

So in some people's eyes if you don't give a teacher a gift you don't appreciate them, are not as generous person and are not teaching your children to be thankful for things.

My eyes rolled back so far they touched my brain!

The thing is, is that traditionally egregious gifts is not really part of our culture either. When I was a kid I would buy something small for my teacher out of my pocket money. I think this is what it should be.

I say thank you to teachers in other ways. By actually using those two words and acting in a way that is grateful and respectful.

I have seen parents behave absolutely appallingly to teachers at my son's school and then at the end of the year think it is all salvageable by buying a really expensive class gift. I am sure the teacher still thinks they are not very nice people. I am not anti class gifts but am anti-class gifts but am anti the nonsense that goes around it. I just wish that it was a more relaxed affair.

I show I'm grateful and thankful in many ways and every single day towards my son's teachers. I don't need a gift for that.

The teachers always compliment my Son on his manners and behaviour.