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AIBU?

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Original poster

Does anyone add their childs' teacher on Facebook?

159 replies

tigercub50 · 30/09/2016 23:06

I am friends with a lovely TA from a class my DD used to be in but not sure about adding teachers. Also her teacher this year is young & male so guessing I have probably answered my own question lol. Just wanted to start a debate about Facebook generally. It can be such a sensitive thing & I have inadvertently offended people before

OP posts:
HairySunshine · 01/10/2016 11:16

I'm an LTS at the school my dc attend. I have my fellow LTS and kitchen staff on FB but none of the teachers or TAs. I have multiple dc in school and they all come into contact with them at some point during the week and the acceptable use policy states that we can't be friends. Even without the acceptable use policy, they already know enough about what goes on at home from what the dc tell them, they don't need to see FB too.

LightTheLampNotTheRat · 01/10/2016 11:21

What about a teacher who has left the school? We got on well and I'd like to keep in touch - in fact we both said 'let's keep in touch' (special school and she was v closely involved in DC's life in a way most teachers aren't) - but I am uncertain about sending her a request and think it should probably come from her.

kaitlinktm · 01/10/2016 11:28

Lightthelamp I think the problem would be if you were also friends with people who had children still at the school - or even who knew people who had children at the school.

MyNewBearTotoro · 01/10/2016 11:54

I'm a teacher and school policy states nobody who works in the school should add students or parents apart from in unique circumstances (eg: parent & school staff are family members or already know each other outside of the school).

Definitely not okay for parents and teachers to add each other on Facebook if their only relationship to each other is through the child.

Aeroflotgirl · 01/10/2016 11:56

Yes my ds 4 was in a school attatched nursery, and now the teacher is no longer teaching ds nursery class, she has all her favourite mums on Facebook, like the queen bee one.

Original poster
tigercub50 · 01/10/2016 12:14

LittleBearPad - I go on Facebook a lot & private message friends so that's what I thought would be useful for work stuff. A lot of my friends tend to reply on FB more quickly than to a text these days

OP posts:
SarcasmMode · 01/10/2016 14:50

If it's someone who has left the school is not have a problem as long as they didn't.

DH teaches IT stuff to people 4 to mid 20s. I'm 26 so know some people he teaches/has taught in the last few years.

He won't accept them and that's quite right but I do. But that's the actual students and the ones 18+.

I have at least 5 of my ex teachers on FB. Media Studies teacher in College, Psychology teacher in College, Eng Lit teacher in College, Maths teacher in secondary and DT teacher in secondary.

I waited at least a year after leaving and believe at least half friended me first.

I also have a few friends mothers on my FB too. Might be a bit odd but there we go.

I think there is no harm requesting if child is no longer their but not to take it personally if they decline.

MidniteScribbler · 01/10/2016 16:09

Sister is a teacher. One of the mums a few years ago saw her in the school holidays on a Friday night having drinks with me and some friends. And made a complaint to her school about her behaviour being unprofessional. Apparently she shouldn't have a life outside of school.

And this is why parents shouldn't be friends with teachers on facebook. Many parents can't accept that their child's teacher doesn't lock themselves in a cupboard outside of teaching hours. They're not allowed to have their own life at all.

Drbint · 01/10/2016 16:22

No way. Nobody I've ever taught, nobody's parents, and none of my friends' children (all under 16). I use a different name on FB anyway but I get found and NO WAY would I accept.

One of my teacher friends adds students once they leave school. I think she's completely bats.

Scorbus · 01/10/2016 16:34

I teach in my DD's school so it was tricky when our academy chain tried to implement zero parents added to FB as it meant all my colleagues couldn't be friends with me and a lot of the TAs. Luckily our Principal sees sense and knows that we are very careful about what we put on FB. I never mention work at all on mine.

Pineapplemilkshake · 01/10/2016 16:45

Definitely not. I do have a couple of my old teachers as friends on FB but I left school 19 years ago and most have retired.

I've had a couple of my patients send me friend requests (GP). Obviously I have always rejected them - it's completely inappropriate, but mostly I don't want them knowing all sorts of details about my personal life/DC etc.

NellysKnickers · 01/10/2016 16:53

Most teachers I know have fake Facebook names so they can't be tracked down by pupils. .........or overbearing parents...

Sugarlightly · 01/10/2016 17:02

Slightly different but still related to teaching and social media. Friend is a primary school teacher and runs a Twitter account: Mr X, Teacher of Class X. He has allowed our friends (no children, early to mid twenties, male and female) to follow this Twitter account (private). I don't know exactly what is posted but I assume no photos of children, but probably information on the class activities. Is this appropriate?

manicinsomniac · 01/10/2016 22:59

Yes but only because they are also close friends and colleagues. I teach in the same school my kids attend/ed so lots of their teachers are among my best friends.

I wouldn't otherwise. A very longstanding friend (over 10 years) sent her daughter to the school I work in and I was able to keep her as a friend because the infant department is in a separate building. She moved her more locally for juniors but I would have had to defriend her if she'd stayed at the school.

PoldarksBreeches · 01/10/2016 23:06

Several of the alpha mums (I say that nicely) have teachers on their Facebook and even the bloody head teacher. I don't understand it at all.

IceIceIce · 01/10/2016 23:11

DH is a teacher. He has a fake Facebook name so pupils and parents can't find him.

OMG Thank you.

I have wondered if some do this because when I was about 17 I decided to see if any of my secondary teachers were on fb. Not to request any of them I was basically just being a nosey teenager.

A few are but the overwhelming majority were not and I had wondered if they use a differently spelled or totally different name to prevent stalking by strange 17 year old girls.

Shadowboy · 01/10/2016 23:15

No way. I'm a teacher. We also have a rule where I teach that students must have left at least 24 months ago before they can be added to a staff FB account. I have about 10 ex students on my FB - they are now about 23-26 years old! They added me because I teach subjects they are now working in /or are now also teachers so I have tried to support them in their employment. Some even have kids of their own now!

Shadowboy · 01/10/2016 23:18

I forgot to say though that I do run a FB page for our subject. I post links to articles/journals and iplayer videos that would help students with their studies. We also have a 'where in the world' quiz on there. Itch as worked really well and about 50% of the students have 'liked' it but they can't see our profiles and we can't see theirs.

MistressDeeCee · 02/10/2016 00:05

Why would you add the teacher if s/he isn't your friend or relative? It smacks of nosiness, wanting to peer into teachers thoughts and life outside school. No teacher in their right mind would accept, would they?

Glad to see some teachers have fake accounts. Good, stave off nosiness as much as possible

Amalfimamma · 02/10/2016 00:11

I am a teacher. I use a fake name on Facebook so I can't be found, well not so much fake as a particular spelling in a different language. I would not accept, nor do I add students or their parents.

I do have a few parents of ex students whom I know socially but other than that of I get a friend request from a current student or paren't I ignore for a few months then mass delete

ZebraOwl · 02/10/2016 02:40

Wargh nooooooo!

My teacher friends use fake names on FB & have everything locked down supertightly - often they don't use a picture of themselves as their profile picture, even, but one of a pet or similar.

I'm a Brownie Leader & don't accept requests from parents because [even] that would be inappropriate. Again, my profile is locked down, but that feature of FB that seems to [try to] connect you with anyone you've ever had any contact with means sometimes current & former Brownie parents appear in the "people you may know". Obviously it also happens in reverse & I've had a couple of parents send me friend requests as a result. I get on very well with lots of my Brownie parents but they don't need access to my private life; and there also shouldn't be any sense of favouritism. Obviously I'd NEVER add one of the Guides/Rangers should they stumble across my profile!

Find it quite shocking that a teacher would even contemplate being FB friends with a parent unless they were RL friends/family or similar; or living in a tiny village where everyone knows everyone as described by a PP. The mind boggles 😶

username22345 · 19/04/2017 03:48

What if they flirt inappropriately with you at school pick up? Is it ok then? What if the teacher creates a Facebook page with a fake name and tried to add you? Is it ok then? What if he really wants to fuck you? Is it ok then? What if it's no body's business but you and your child's teacher? Is it ok then?

CaulkheadNorth · 19/04/2017 04:03

Tigercub maybe you needed to have had a conversation with your colleague and suggested swapping shifts via Facebook before adding them?

I had a friend request recently from someone who was a friend of a friend and wanted to get to know more people. I politely declined...

MongerTruffle · 19/04/2017 04:09

her teacher this year is young & male so guessing I have probably answered my own question lol

Confused
londonrach · 19/04/2017 04:50

No. my uni lecturer only allowed me to add him after i left as he is my reference and way of keeping in touch. Before then no way. For a teacher no way.