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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Does anyone add their childs' teacher on Facebook?

159 replies

tigercub50 · 30/09/2016 23:06

I am friends with a lovely TA from a class my DD used to be in but not sure about adding teachers. Also her teacher this year is young & male so guessing I have probably answered my own question lol. Just wanted to start a debate about Facebook generally. It can be such a sensitive thing & I have inadvertently offended people before

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 30/09/2016 23:28

God no

Why would you want people as FB friends when they're not actually your friends anyway?

It would be very unprofessional of them to accept.

DustyCropHopper · 30/09/2016 23:36

I have a couple of the LSAs from my children's schools but one I have known for years (prior to her working at the school) and she added me and another that is also the parent of dc3's friend and she added me to arrange a get together for the children. I would not add a teacher or even add an LSA, as I would think it could make them feel uncomfortable and it would be wrong.

Topseyt · 30/09/2016 23:37

No, no and no again.

It is a professional relationship only and shouldn't become overly familiar. Few teachers would accept a Facebook request from parents. Totally inappropriate.

MrsBungle · 30/09/2016 23:38

No! My dd's teacher is good friends with a few of my friends. We meet socially quite a lot due to this. I would never add her on Facebook and make her feel u ncomfortable.

Notso · 30/09/2016 23:43

I've got several of the TA's and Teachers as Facebook friends but I used to work with lots of them and went to school with another so they were friends before they taught my DC.
I wouldn't friend request a Teacher otherwise.

FlyingElbows · 30/09/2016 23:44

Why would you do that? You're not their friend. It's a totally inappropriate intrusion on a teacher's private life.

TheNaze73 · 30/09/2016 23:46

YABU. What a bizarre question

eightbluebirds · 30/09/2016 23:46

No. Most teachers I know have slightly altered their name on FB so they specifically can't be found be nosy parents/students (I know you're not trying to be nosy in this case!) but yes, unprofessional.

TattiePants · 30/09/2016 23:46

I'm on a couple of facebook / whatsapp groups with a few teachers at my DC's school including DS's current teacher but only because we are all part of the PTA. We often meet in the pub for our meetings so pretty relaxed relationship but I still wouldn't send them a friends request.

SE13Mummy · 30/09/2016 23:53

No! Any time I've received friend requests from pupils' parents, I've blocked them. I spend 6 hours a day with your 8-yr-old; I don't need Facebook to tell me about what your family do at the weekend...

That said, because I teach very locally to my home, one of my DC was in the class of a former colleague that I'm good friends with in real life. That teacher is on my Facebook because she has been for years and the school know we are good friends.

WorraLiberty · 30/09/2016 23:55

Out of interest OP, do you also try to add bus drivers/newsagents/supermarket cashiers/your dentist/doctor etc?

If not, why not?

lazydog · 30/09/2016 23:56

Yes, but I guess it's very different here to the norm. We live in a small villlage in Canada, where everyone knows everyone and it's common to see your kids' teachers socially as well as in their professional capacity. The kids would probably hate it (their parents being friends with their teachers) if they'd ever known any different, but they're so used to it that it doesn't even register...

LittleBearPad · 30/09/2016 23:56

What a really odd thing to do. You are not friends with them. They are not friends with you. Why would either of you want to watch each other's lives on Facebook

mouthandfoot · 01/10/2016 00:00

God no. Leave the teachers to have a private life out of school. They are people not just your child's teacher. You don't own them.

DullUserName · 01/10/2016 00:07

All the schools I taught in had clear IT use requirements that all staff signed. Being 'friends' with a parent is not acceptable.

One school tried to prohibit all staff from any contact with parents via social media, until it was pointed out that, being a small village, many were relatives or genuine friends. There has to be some common sense...

... but no teacher should accept a friend request from a pupil's parent.

LouisvilleLlama · 01/10/2016 00:12

When we were year 10/11 we added teachers but social media and Facebook was pretty new then so no official etiquette. I don't think it's appropriate, but then a couple students went out for a meal with other students at that age also, so it isn't a Bastian of proper etiquette

MidniteScribbler · 01/10/2016 00:16

Good grief, why would they want you to be able to see their personal lives? Fuck off with your "friend" requests. I'm not your friend, and I have no intention of being one. Parents expect teachers to be the model of professionalism, then go and blur the lines by expecting to know what they are doing 24/7.

MrsHam13 · 01/10/2016 00:26

Absolutely no way!!!

BackforGood · 01/10/2016 00:34

I'm very surprised that the TA has accepted your request - totally outside of all the advice and guidelines.

bloodyteenagers · 01/10/2016 00:42

Fuck no. I'm not your mate. I help educate your child. That's it. Same with I don't give out my personal phone number or email address.

A lot of local authorities it's also against their e-safety policies. My borough it's gross misconduct and more are adopting this stance.

Original poster

tigercub50 · 01/10/2016 07:50

In my defence, I haven't sent a friend request - it was just to start a general debate on Facebook really, as I think it can be a good thing but also sometimes a curse. The TA doesn't teach my DD now so that's why she is FB friends with me. I sometimes add people then think I perhaps shouldn't have. I added someone I work with because I thought it would be handy for swapping shifts on the checkout but she declined (which is fair enough) & then was a bit funny with me. When I added her, I did explain that it was work related

OP posts:

MidniteScribbler · 01/10/2016 08:00

Would you add your doctor? The woman down the road who sold you a bottle of milk? The taxi driver who dropped you home last week? If no, why would you think that your child's teacher is a "friend"?

phillipp · 01/10/2016 08:03

No, I would never have any staff from my kids school on my Facebook. Never, wether they taught my kids or not.

One member of staff who worked for me left and started working at my sons school. We became good Friends when she worked for me and are still good friends. I didn't have Facebook when she worked for me. When I got Facebook I didn't add her. She knows why and agrees it's the best way.

isittimeforcoffee · 01/10/2016 08:08

I used to work at my son's school, so was good friends with a lot of the staff and have them as friends on Facebook. My son is now being taught by one of them and she has explained that she has had to defriend me for this year because teachers cannot be friends with parents. I've had former pupils request me and I always reject them.

switswoo81 · 01/10/2016 08:13

We always include information in our pack for new entrants that please do not request teachers as friends as refusal often offends. However I live locally and loads of parents are in the same private slimming world group as me. Am very boring on Facebook though.

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