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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does anyone add their childs' teacher on Facebook?

159 replies

tigercub50 · 30/09/2016 23:06

I am friends with a lovely TA from a class my DD used to be in but not sure about adding teachers. Also her teacher this year is young & male so guessing I have probably answered my own question lol. Just wanted to start a debate about Facebook generally. It can be such a sensitive thing & I have inadvertently offended people before

OP posts:
Twatty · 01/10/2016 08:13

This thread has made me chuckle.

I agree with what everyone had said. It just reminded me of a village I lived in. More than half the teachers and all the TA where local to the village or surrounding villages, 4 of the teachers came from the same family.
Most of the parents were FB with at least 2 or more teachers and TA.

I wasn't, as I found it weird. But then I wasn't local with a turn up nose

BoboBunnyH0p · 01/10/2016 08:13

Most teachers won't accept a request. I'm friends with one of my kids previous teachers now but that's only because we did her wedding photography and she has now left the school.

PrincessHairyMclary · 01/10/2016 08:15

Absolutely not unless you are friends outside of school.

NapQueen · 01/10/2016 08:17

God no id never send a friend request. She is entitled to her own privacy!

I wouldnt even follow her on Pinterest, which is a lot more open, as it would just seem weird.

Zippidydoodah · 01/10/2016 08:18

Noooooooo!!

Mind you, I have rtft and I think you get the idea now! Grin

PrincessHairyMclary · 01/10/2016 08:22

As far as other people go I never send friend requests. I might accept them if colleagues send them to me but my newsfeed is generally filled with pictures of DD for family members to see and I do t assume they want to see them or my left wing views.

kimlo · 01/10/2016 08:24

Im an eyp and our policy is that they recomend that you aren't friends with current parents unless its someone you know well anyway. We can have patents who have left the setting.

Phalenopsisgirl · 01/10/2016 08:26

If you are friends outside of her work then it's fine but friend requesting teachers just because you know them through school is intrusive and inappropriate.

Shesgotelectricboobs · 01/10/2016 08:26

Sister is a teacher. One of the mums a few years ago saw her in the school holidays on a Friday night having drinks with me and some friends. And made a complaint to her school about her behaviour being unprofessional. Apparently she shouldn't have a life outside of school.

RoastieToastieReastie · 01/10/2016 08:27

I am a teacher. We were told at a recent inset on child protection that it is totally inappropriate to friend on Facebook parents of a current student.

UsernameHistory · 01/10/2016 08:29

I'm a head and don't bother having a fake name but would never post anything inappropriate I'm friends with some parents and are therefore Facebook friends with them too. I wouldn't accept a friend request if I didn;'t know them outside of my job.

I would love to know what people mean (teachers and other posters) when they say it wouldn't be allowed to 'friend' a parent. Do you have to unfriend someone if their child joins your school?

TheHuntingOfTheSarky · 01/10/2016 08:33

I have one of our school's TAs on my Facebook but she is also a mum at the school of a girl in my daughter's year. She was TA to my daughter's class last year but not this year, and we added each other only after the end of last year.

I think there's a difference between a TA and a teacher though - about 50% of the TAs at this school are also mums or dads of current pupils.

Caipira · 01/10/2016 08:33

No it's not the done thing. I have all of my primary DC's on Facebook but that's because one has a child in one of my DC's class, one is an old friend of the family and the other is a colleague (she has two jobs). We also live in a very small town/rural community where everyone knows everyone else. I did not have teachers on FB in London. I did know people who did though, I found it odd.

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark · 01/10/2016 08:38

My cousin, let's call her Vera Grin has a FB chockablocka full of parents and splashes photos of the kids (it's a nursery attached to a school) all over her FB. I've always wondered what the school would say if she was "found out". (I don't live in the UK and there are currently, no such rules and regs for teachers afaik)

I've never worked out if she works in admin, or is actually a nursery teacher. I guess either way, what she does on FB is wrong. (to read her posts you'd think she was the Minister for Education tbh!) Her posts are full of "Oh I love working in frontline education Hmm

kaitlinktm · 01/10/2016 08:38

(Secondary) - we weren't allowed to friend even past pupils (until they were much older anyway) because they might have siblings, cousins or friends of friends who were still at the school. You tend not to get the same requests from parents though.

I use my own name as I am mostly retired now, but even so I have declined and blocked a couple of requests from pupils (both past and currently at the school which I left 2 years ago).

I didn't have FB at all until I had left full-time teaching - too much of a minefield and I have known teachers who have been dismissed as a result of their use of it.

trafalgargal · 01/10/2016 08:40

It's just common sense, unless they are personal friends why would you want or need teachers, TAs, doctor, dentist, etc on your Facebook. When I was a TA some of my year 7 and 8s looked for me to add me and were disappointed not to find me (my FB name isn't and has never been the name I'm known by at work although is instantly recognisable to anyone knows me socially as it combines my first name and nickname).

I have FB friends who I first met over 30 years ago and they vary from friends to ex workmates (very few current as a matter of personal choice) to acquaintances but never customers or service users.

wigglesrock · 01/10/2016 08:40

No, it created a horrible row in one of my kids years. The teacher was friends on FB with a couple of parents because she had a child in the same class. There was a birthday party, kids weren't invited, a parent chose to add a passive aggressive FB post, peoples privacy settings were poor- the whole ugly mess was played out in 10 mins on FB for most people in the school to see.

glamorousgrandmother · 01/10/2016 08:41

Teachers are not allowed to have parents as friends on Facebook - can be difficult in a small community where they are friends in real life.

Zame · 01/10/2016 08:42

Someone adding me on Facebook to talk about work stuff and shift swapping etc would really fuck me off to be honest

ReginaBlitz · 01/10/2016 08:43

I think it's inappropriate, but the local village gossip, loudmouth shockingly has a couple on her Facebook, one was the deputy head! Wtf.. the person is actually vile, spreads rumours, gossips everyone knows what she is like yet these teachers chose to be on her Facebook! I remember once an incident happened at school and she plastered it over Facebook the deputy head had to message her to remove it. I e deleted this person a long time ago as realised what she was like, but it's so unprofessional. The funny thing was one of the teachers was my sons friends mum and she used to take my son to an event every week, I messaged her once via Facebook to check something and she blanked me! Yet has the village gossip on there go figure.

trafalgargal · 01/10/2016 08:45

I worked at a school that was in a very insular area , it was amazing to me just how many of both pupils and staff were related, banning FB friends wouldn't have worked.

Twatty · 01/10/2016 08:45

phale There were people adding teachers and TAs just because they saw them around the village or in the pub, not actual frends previously or even after.

The teachers and Ta didn't seem to mind, but then other children's behavior, attutudes and characters, were also discussed, openly outside of the school setting to other parents too.

I found it unprofessional and damb right wrong. But it was like living on another planet. If I mentioned it to anyone I was made to feel like I was the one in the wrong.

I was just glad when we moved.

Hoppinggreen · 01/10/2016 08:46

I had a friend who got a job at the DC school and she had to block me from her FB. I was also friends with my DS cm before she even became a cm but when he started go to her she explained that she would have to block me.
It's a total no no as far as I'm concerned

Original poster
tigercub50 · 01/10/2016 08:51

Zame I see where you're coming from but actually another couple of the girls thought it was a good idea - you can't really talk on the checkouts & there isn't anywhere in work to write down what swaps you want. Obviously I wouldn't take the nick & constantly message. Not sure why the girl was off with me as she could just have deleted my request & left it at that. It wasn't as if I had never spoken to her - we had worked together quite a few times

OP posts:
definetlynotbored · 01/10/2016 08:51

I'm a social worker and you do get the odd person you work with adding you. I work with Learning Disabilities so they often don't understand social norms. Pretty much all social workers use their first and middle name on Facebook so they can't be found by any service users.

I went to a small private school where a lot of the teachers were friends with the children's parents. But unless you're genuinely friends (meet up outside of work) then don't add them. It's odd.

I also find giving teachers presents an odd concept aswell. But that's just me.