To think this teachers response was a bit shit? Or perhaps I am being horrendously precious?

[Gallopingthundercunt]

Hugely identifying if the teacher is reading but what the hell.....

DS(12) wanted to start a club at school yesterday but (for reasons best known to himself) turned up at the wrong time. He immediately went to find the teacher running the club and apologised to her, asking her whether he would still be allowed to take part. She told him that part of the requirements for the club were that he was punctual and reliable, since he had been neither then he couldn't

When DS got home he was in tears over the incident. In fairness, my DSDad (his grandad) died unexpectedly last week so I feel his response may be slightly coloured by emotion. We discussed what had happened and he accepted that he was in the wrong to turn up late and that the teacher has every right to refuse him entry to the club.

I then emailed the teacher to explain the situation (as I have above) and ask whether she would reconsider, given the circumstances and how upset DS was. For the record I have never sent an email like this in all of DS's school career, but I felt very strongly that I needed to raise the issue. This morning I received a rather curt email telling me that despite DS being under "some emotional strain" that she would not reconsider. She also reiterated the qualities that were required for the club and how DS was lacking in them.

My first response was disbelief and now (if I'm honest) real anger. I need to acknowledge her reply but I'm seriously unsure whether to take it further or whether I will appear a raving harpie who thinks the rules shouldn't apply to my precious snowflake. I'm normally quite laid back and would simply tell DS to learn from his mistakes, but this incident and the subsequent email have really got my hackles up. So AIBU or is the teacher?

Teacher is being a bit ridiculous I think. Although the fact that it was for youth parliament makes it even more bizarre. I mean, has she seen the HoC during a debate?. He is literally doing the perfect training in not turning up!!!

Some teachers love a power trip .

It does seem a bit OTT. Maybe the club is full and his lateness meant he couldnt join? I would email that you will accept her decision (you have no choice) but politely point out that a club that relies on punctuality might also consider a sincere apology and extenuating circumstance as reasons for flexibility and compassion.

You asked the teacher to reconsider, she did and said no. Hard luck.

Does he have a good relationship with this teacher? Have they had problems before?

It does sound like the club teacher doesn't have the full support of her colleague if he is trying to encourage your son to get her to change her mind, but maybe she wants to see what your DS can achieve arguing his own case in theory a necessary quality in a politician although these days they all seem to be whipped into following party leaders the only political regime where such mistakes are not tolerated are in North Korea, and I am sure that isn't the young politicians they are hoping to mould.

At the end of the day, grieving or not, your son made a mistake, if there is no room for him to learn from his mistake then it isn't a very good learning experience from the school teacher, so I would challenge it further if his letter does not work, but of course by then the whole experience will be tainted for him and it may not be worth joining

Pestof I don't think culling like that sounds very nice of any teacher no matter how they disguise it, if you are in you should be given a fair chance to participate.

Not as far as I'm aware scary. DS is in his last year at the school (yr 8) and has received one detention in all that time so is hardly what could be described as a troublemaker.

I'm utterly mystified by her response, and feel my first foray into helicopter parenting has not gone well

Jesus, anyone can make a mistake with the time of a meeting. Under strain, doubly so.

I hate people who are inflexible like this. Life doesn't always run smoothly and people make mistakes without intending to do anything bad. If you want to be forgiven when it's your turn to screw up, then be forgiving to others when they do.

YADNBU. don't respond to her email. a bit of silence i think is needed here, let her squirm i bet she's waiting for your reply.

imo she sounds like she doesn't really want to run the club. she's probably hoping it will be over by christmas!

maybe your ds could take it on as a bit of a challenge. see what he can do to change her mind? show a lot of resilience, perseverance, courage? i am sure she'll let him in eventually. she's probably now expecting you to escalate it so don't, just leave it and see what happens in the next few weeks.

I have been to numerous conference where a key note speech was given by a politician. On each and every occasion they turned up late - not a few minutes late but at least 1/2 hour, sometimes 1 hour. So your son is already displaying attributes that will stand him in good stead if he want to pursue a career in politics. He and you should not give up on this and teacher should be made to see reason

Unless the club is to do with time keeping (and I can't think of any school club that would be), the teacher is being completely unreasonable and on a bit of a power trip.

I think the follow-up wording that Mackerel has put together will sort things out. That or the one that DecaffCoffee has earlier in the thread would do.

I'd be considering whether I'd want my child in a school club being run by this teacher if the teacher is so adamant that no additional pupils can join and if there is already this elephant in the room if you will.

I did wonder if it was a prep school
There is one near here where I can imagine that happening and actually everyone thinking that was fine
At the prep school where DS is on the other hand the response would have been very different.
Schools are very different and they reflect that in the teachers who stick around

the teacher sounds like a total cunt

I've run mock trial, public speaking, mock parliament...never have I had a whole group turn up on time and we still won

I'm so bewildered by her response. Being generous, it is possible that she is in low spirits at the moment, and has made a bad judgement call on this occasion? Hopefully a letter will help her relent.

I really hope your DS is able to persuade her. Mock parliament is an excellent experience.

Your son sounds more mature and forgiving than the teacher does. Maybe he can teach her some valuable qualities?

E-mail the head. They need to know what an officious eejit this teacher is being. To say that someone's "personal qualities" don't come up to scratch due to one incident of lateness is completely unreasonable, and intolerant. Clubs are about boosting self-esteem and this exclusion and the teachers ill-thought out comments have done the exact opposite to your son.

And if all else fails, get your son to set up his own rival group!

Loving that idea witchy - OP your DS could even call his rival group "The Opposition Benches"

Is she basing her decision on this one incident? It sounds like she thinks he is late frequently at school? Has anyone mentioned him being late to lessons?

Youth Parliament?

Since when have politicians or indeed many youths been well known for their punctuality or reliability?

Was she expecting him to argue the toss with her, as a true politician would?

Reading between the lines, the club was busier than expected and the teacher had a hard time controlling them. Maybe she does not want to admit that one extra child will push her over the edge! I think it's awful how she's detailed that he doesn't have the qualities required. How horribly judgmental. That's what I'd be upset about more than anything.

I would just be totally honest and send her an email cc'd to the Head.

Dear Ms Whatshername

I felt very disappointed in your response to my email, and particularly your negative view of my son. He has never been described as lacking in (whatever qualities she has judged him not to have) and it is certainly not the view of him I have had from other teachers in his 5 years at the school. I think it would have been perfectly acceptable to deny him access to the club on the occasion he was late, but to say he can never attend because of one lapse seems a little draconian.

Obviously I am slightly biased as a parent, but I was pleased that he had the courage and humility to apologise promptly for his lateness. With hindsight, perhaps it would be have been better if had he not apologised, as that is clearly not a requirement in politics.

Yours sincerely

Just as a thought - are you absolutely sure that the teacher has not misinterpreted/misread your email, reading it in a hurry, and thinks you are questioning why she didn't allow your DS to attend that particular session, rather than the entire club for evermore?

If you do think she is definitely aware she is stating he's permanently excluded, I would email her back, saying DS has taken on board the lesson about not being late, and that it's understandable that she would not have been happy about it, but he is very keen to attend the club and the punishment of permanent exclusion (without ever having attended!) seems harsh under the circumstances, as it would be a pity to put him off joining clubs for the future based on this. Children of 12 can really take things to heart and feel that they were so "bad" they aren't "worthy" of attending clubs, or there's no point. I was put off similarly as a child on a few things and it can have long-reaching effects, sometimes.

If no joy with that then I would keep communications pleasant but say that you're not happy with his permanent exclusion and that you would like to have a meeting with the Head to discuss the matter and see if there's a way forward. Once again, you respect her expectation of punctuality but he can't show he's learned from the valuable experience unless he's given a chance to do so.

Also, I would be firm but pleasant as I feel if it does reach the Head you will want to show complete reasonableness along the way. Mud-slinging is understandable, but I think it's best if you can present yourself to the Head as a calm, reasonable parent who just wants to get this whole thing sorted out, "working together" to reach a "satisfactory conclusion" (blurgh, but you get the drift) you will come off much better and it will highlight all the more any unreasonableness from her.

I am a teacher. And that teacher is being an arse. How ridiculous . Find out who the head of department is and raise it with them. I wpuld just explain what's happened and ask what other clubs will be available in the future. You don't even need to say that you think the teacher is being an arse.. just write it down matter of fact lyrics what has happened and that you want to maintain your son s interest and dedication to the subject and what other options are there for him to do so now that he can't do this club

Hope it goes well. The teacher will hopefully get a "quiet word" saying not to be such a overzealous tit

Wow I feel sickened reading this. Your son sounds lovely and the teacher sounds like a jobs worth!
I would definitely speak with the Head about it all.
We have lunch time clubs at our school and it is the teachers who hardly show and if they do they are always late. Our clubs look great on paper for good old ofsted, but the reality is they don't really exist!