To notice a new brand of 'cool wives' on mumsnet

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They are not 'cool wives' in the original sense, I.e. because they let dh go drinking with leggy blondes on a school night and rock into bed hammered at 2am.... but they are so damn competent as mothers that they are fine for dh to go away for a week without notice leaving them with five under 5s, cook dinner every night while simultaneously batheing the children with a baby in a sling breastfeeding etc etc.
Is it just me that has noticed this new trend of 'I can manage it blindfold, stop complaining op and suck it up'??

Cool wife = competent adult woman?

Which is a bad thing to be when they use their competence as a benchmark by which to judge somebody else's failure?

Is that it?

Some people are well-organised and just get things done. Other's don't for all kinds of reasons. It's not about being cool.

I like to think I'm efficient; but I only have one child and no partner (no stress, less work) plus I only work part-time. My life is fairly easy.

There was one thread I can think of which kind of fit this description. OP was due to give birth in December to the second DC and her DH was thinking about going to a work do which involved an overnight stay. I remember being super pissed at DH for going for drinks after work a couple of weeks after DS was born (because I was still very much in the "what the actual fuck is going on here" stage and didn't want to be on my own unless completely necessary) so thought OP was being perfectly reasonable to think he shouldn't go (especially since they have a toddler already). There were plenty of posters saying they would be fine being left with a newborn and a toddler so their DH can go to a piss up.

Ha ha yes I'm with you op

Can I also take a moment to slate the mums who make me feel a bit shit because I haven't taught my five year old to do their own washing yet

A smug badge woukd be a nice additional feature that we can post alongside a biccie.

Hmm karma I don't know, I think sometimes here, just like in RL, people do just want a bit of empathy and understanding. There's a difference between "how about trying xyz" and "well I manage with 5 dc, work full time, batch cook from scratch in old fashioned speak just cook and went travelling round India with my ebf twins in a sling, so you should be able to too".

Sometimes people just need to vent and moan for a bit.

But it's easy enough to give empathy to a friend in RL - if you post self indulgent shite on an anonymous forum, it can't be that much of a shock when people tell you to get a grip as they may have had it much harder.

This isn't a MN problem. It's an AIBU (and occasionally Chat) problem. Smug free, helpful and supportive pretty much everywhere else.

Oh, no. You need this video

I have been on my own with DC for a long time. DP worked abroad for years. We then drifted apart and ave split up although amicably.

Still doing it. Teens on my own with all the exams and education problems and friendship problems they have. Every night on my own. Always. So when I hear someone who is concerned about her ability to spend an evening alone I find it surprising. What if she had to?

I don't comment or judge. You feel what you feel. Everyone's life is different. I am not smug - far from it. I have been well and truly beaten by smug women with tidy houses and partners that they present like a Head Girl Award. I just wished people would stop slagging other women off for every little thing

I suspect that actually, women behaving as described in the OP (singlehandedly managing loads of children, a baby and a house) has been totally normal for the majority of the last 1000 years in the UK - and having one or two children, a job and a dishwasher is the truly bizarre mum lifestyle. Most of the 'supermums' would probably be confused about expectations now.

On the other hand, I'm incredibly grateful that we live here now and not then, and it can be a choice rather than a requirement!

There's a difference between "disagreeing" and setting out to make someone feel bad. I see too much of the latter on here these days.

It's about the tone of a post; "that's tough; here's how I manage in those circumstances" or "I can do that with my eyes closed, and if you can't you're inferior". Can people really not see the difference?

(And yes, I do plenty of solo bedtimes. Doesn't mean that no one else can complain. Because their lives are not mine).

You just get used to what you are used to. My DH works long hours so it me and the kids 90% of the time during the week. It is totally normal for me to do dinner, bath, bed for two kids every night (and breakfast, dressed, make lunches every morning). If he goes away on a work trip I don't really notice!

However we manage to balance it out by there being enough nights where I have something social to go to and he has to take over and do it all. Also at the weekend there is more chance for him to get involved.

We live overseas so have no family help, again I am used to this and very independent.

My SIL is total contrast, her DH always home to cook dinner, play with kids. Has two sets of grandparents ready and willing to help with childcare (only a tiny bit jealous ;) ). So for her being left to deal with the kids 100% for a whole week would be a massive big shock.

Neither is 'better' or 'cooler' than the other we just lead different lives.

In that kind of thread Absy I would be one saying I would be happy for DH to go to a piss up despite me having a toddler and newborn. Not because I am a 'cool wife' or because I lack empathy or would have found it a piece of piss but because if the shoe was on the other foot I wouldn't want my husband to stop me going out because he didn't want to be on his own with our children.
I imagine a thread where a wife wanted to go out and her husband didn't want her to because he would struggle with the kids would be met with loads of compliments about him being a grown up and she should just go etc.
Obviously I am just talking about an infrequent night out and a partner who otherwise usually pulls their weight. Not where it's the fourth 'do' in as many weeks and the partner doesn't lift a finger.

*comments not compliments

I thought the 'cool wife' label was aimed at those women who shrug their shoulders at the prospect of their DP heading off to Amsterdam on a stag weekend. Apparently trusting your partner in such circumstances is naive as mumsnet wisdom suggests that men just can't help themselves and will shag around at the drop of a hat, that's right, all of them, every single one.

I haven't RTFT but I will say this. I was on course to be the ultimate "cool wife". We had the great jobs etc etc

However, my lovely, adorable DD is on the Autism spectrum.

Oh how times change.... never mind moaning about the price of childcare - can you actually find childcare that can deal with the meltdowns - NO.

So that is my career down the pan then, plus my DH's because he can't travel because I need all the help I can get. DD is 10, Y6.

I realise I sound a bit grumpy, that is because I would love to be out dancing wearing extremely high heels, instead of spending weeks on the phone to CAMHS :(

I can speak three language. I 'don't get' why everyone can't. I had to learn as I had parents with different languages. Just can't see why people don't get on with it and learn Mandarin confused.
To me, that's what these posts sound like when I read them

Yeah, that always makes me laugh when people do it. It's like, congratulations, you're a fully grown adult and yet apparently don't understand how people can be different from you. Not something I'd personally be advertising, but hey ho!