I don't think I should cook every night

[LurkyLurkerMcLurkface]

I'm on maternity leave at the moment with 8 month DS. DH works full time and is out of the house 8am-6pm. Our evening routine is pretty set, he gets in and takes DS, I get food ready for DS. He'll then sit with DS while he eats. He then does books/bath and I do final feed and settle. I then come down and cook
Every. Fucking. Night
Last night I'd had enough and cooked for myself and left him to it. He's been sulking since.
AIBU to think this should be a shared job?

So he works 8 - 6, while you're home all day and you still expect him to cook dinner and do bath and book!
I think bath is more than enough!

shanna

I used to work 8-7 and it was a piece of piss compared to "being at home all day" with a baby.

I cook every night, I have for years.

I am a bit surprised when people say they've not been able to do anything all day, like literally anything bar feed and change baby. My second was a really difficult baby, fed loads and was only happy when I held her or she was being pushed in the pram. I still managed to do the housework and cook a meal though. It really doesn't take that long if you keep on top if it. I have a few 'hacks' like, cleaning the bathroom while the kids are in the bath, put the washing in as soon as there's enough for a load, wash the pots straight after eating etc. I take the kids out almost everyday, they use up energy and aren't messing the house up . a friend the other day told me I'm a machine and she doesn't kniw how I do it. I just....do. I'm tired a lot ATM yeah but so's dh, he's been working extra hours to save for the new baby so there's no way I think its fair for him to come home and cook.

Have a medal, keeping

Not everyone is as perfect as you.

He'll then sit with DS while he eats. He then does books/bath

So he gets home from working 8am-6pm, feeds his son, reads to him and bathes him and then you expect him to cook too?

He isnt getting home and lounging on the sofa. He pulls his weight with the baby when he gets in.

Cant you cook something to be reheated during the day when DS in is bed?

As for cooking for yourself, I'd come home with a takeaway for myself the next night and eat it infront of you.

For me its about being a team, dh supports me, I support him. I now mostly do very easy or ready meals due to health. But up until a few years ago I'd cook at least 4 nights a week. I have 4 dcs.

shannara it's 9-5. 8-6 with commute. I take the view that I'm doing my job from 0630 till well the 10 minutes I get when he gets in
keepingup um well done you. I don't know how you do it either

fucking I don't want a medal, at all. I'm pointing out that yeah, some people do act like when they've had a baby it's impossible to keep on top of anything else. If there's other things going on (pnd for example) then I understand. Otherwise, yeah, I do think its unreasonable to expect her husband to come home and cook when she's been home all day. My sister works more hours than her husband, both full time but her hours are longer and job more demanding so guess what, he does the bulk of housework and cooking. It's about what's fair.

I really really don't like the -'it's maternity leave, not housework leave' comments - just be kind to each other.

If you have a difficult baby, then yes, all pitch in, both do whatever you need to do.

But if you have easy children, and you sit around all day chatting and watching movies, then it's really unkind to expect your oh to come home ad start doing chores.

Both my dds have been easy, so, yes I got all hw and cooking done. But not because I'm stuck in the 50s, or because my dh expected me to, but because I had time and he didn't.

tiredqueen how do you feel about that?

Definitely all eat together, much quicker and easier.

Just to add, if he was coming home and doing nothing with his child then yes, he should cook. That's not the case though. When my husband comes home he takes over with the kids, pretty much completely. I'd rather that

Looking after a baby is easily equivalent to doing a ft job. I used to habitually work 15-18 hrs a day (sometimes 20 or more) and I found that a darn sight easier than looking after dd all day.

I would expect your dh to be doing at least 3 meals a week and other chores. Just because his work is paid with money by strangers doesn't make itharder or more worthwhile than what you're doing for free (with longer hours, fewer breaks, little adult interaction etc etc). If anything, he should come home, pour you a g&t and leave you to put your feet up while he does childcare and housework for an hour. At least

If you're already cooking for DS then just make a bigger meal that you all eat I mean.

Did he ever cook before you had DS?

I dont really get this, he is working long hours, he comes home and helps with the baby and you are cross because you are expected to do the cooking whilst you are off with the baby?

You can't batch cook because baby has a milk allergy? Spag bol, stew, casseroles, shepherds pie etc etc
He comes in and watches you feeding the baby? Why don't you all eat together?
He bathes the baby while you clear up? Stick a chicken kiev and chips in the oven to cook while you're cleaning and he's sorting the baby out.

With the best of intentions, do you think you might be making life difficult for yourself?

is the baby clingy because its not used to being put down and making its own enterntainment? might it also do the baby some good not to be held all the time?

My dc are older and I work part time, but I cook every single week night during term time because I am at home at the time when dinner needs cooking. So that's what happens. Dh usually gets home some time between 6 and 7. He's an excellent cook and loves cooking, but there simply isn't time for him to get home and cook on a week night. It sounds like he's doing his bit tbh.

What did dh do before he had a child? Come home and do something about dinner or come home and starve?

This is the thing that gets me most frothed up about Mumsnet - that there are still so many outdated attitudes to a woman's role in the home. I really find it pretty upsetting that the sexism is still so entrenched

Dh used to do all the cooking at the weekend. Breakfast, lunch and dinner plus all the washing up. I cooked all week while he worked so it seemed fair as i was at home all day.
You were a tad childish OP but clearly at the end of your teather.

A clingy high needs baby is very high maintenance. I've had one and also a laid back thing too. The difference is massive.

Bibbity - is it really sexism or is it about the fair division of labour?

If the roles were reversed the advice would be exactly the same as far as I'm concerned.

bibbity - i dont think its sexism. i think if you ask most people who should cook if one person has been home all day they would give you the same answer, irrespective of whether that person staying at home was a male or female