I don't think I should cook every night

[LurkyLurkerMcLurkface]

I'm on maternity leave at the moment with 8 month DS. DH works full time and is out of the house 8am-6pm. Our evening routine is pretty set, he gets in and takes DS, I get food ready for DS. He'll then sit with DS while he eats. He then does books/bath and I do final feed and settle. I then come down and cook
Every. Fucking. Night
Last night I'd had enough and cooked for myself and left him to it. He's been sulking since.
AIBU to think this should be a shared job?

I feel sorry for some blokes on here, if they dare question about dinner (along with other things), they're accused of living in the 50's etc. If I was home with one baby (albeit at a clingy stage I accept), I'd make sure dinner was ready by the time they got it as a priority (or at least ready to go, it really is not that hard). I wonder if there would be the same harshness towards the OP's partner if the roles were reversed. I doubt it.

And yes, I did accept that when on Maternity Leave I pretty much did everything, that was the way I wanted it (otherwise I'd literally have been sat on my lardy ar*se all day cooing at a baby, blimey no thanks). Plus there was no MN then 😊.

Your job at the moment is looking after a baby. If the baby doesn't nap in the day, or won't be put down to let you get on with cooking and cleaning, then you are doing your child care job for just as long as your husband is working at his job. Doesn't matter how many people tell you what fabulous multi-taskers they were - not all babies are equally easy to care for.

Once both of you have finished working and put the baby to bed, you could share the cooking .

This thread shows perfectly why actually, yes, we still do need feminism.

It's maternity leave. Not housework and cooking leave.

Being on mat leave (for me) is about 100x more exhausting than any paid job I've ever had.

I'd be seriously pissed off if my DH expected a hot meal every evening from me. I cook because I really enjoy it and it's part of my identity from before I was a mum.

He doesn't expect it.

Swap who makes the dinner and who does the bathing over a few times a week.

sandy it was getting worse then. I did on occasion get home from a 13 hour shift to a DH wanting me to cook.

Hmmm it's more about the fact that this job had been designated as mine
bibbity I should have squashed it earlier

Cook enough for 2 days so only have to do it every second day. I think it's fair enough for you to cook during the week as can do it on and off during the day. Dh can cook at weekends. I think it's not fair to suddenly announce there is no dinner for him when he is hungry and has had no warning.

Your lucky DH is only out the house 8-6 , I would be very happy with this with only 1 dc.

I have 4 dc with DH who is out a minimum of 13 hours a day . I cook for all of us but most of the time DH wants something else which he cooks for his melt .

I have also told him he can start batch cooking for us over the weekend as I am a rubbish cook :) everything should be equal especially when you return to work he will need to step up .

i guess this just shows how everyone is so different. Maternity leave for me (even with 3 kids) was much dossier than any post uni (ie proper job) i've ever had. i wouldn't have dreamt of spending the day looking after the kids without cooking dinner. it wasn't always a great dinner, but its really not that hard to fit it in. Allowing kids to think they can have your undivided attention all day is a recipe for disaster - they need to learn to look after themselves a bit. sounds a bit like an excuse to get out of things you don't like doing, eg cooking dinner

I'll tell my 4 month old to look after himself then. Can't believe I hadn't thought of that before!!!!

Sometimes I'm cooking 3 or 4 pots of different food on my day-off (meals such as cottage pie, stew, lasagne, soups, chicken pies etc. lasts longer once cooked from scratch) & I freeze some of it... the rest goes in the fridge so only have to spend 5 minutes/ day warming up the food cooked previously.
Weekends are a nightmare as everybody demands different dishes!

so its really not feasible to sit them in front of the washing machine, TV or on the kitchen floor in their chair whilst you cook for 10 mins?

I'm sorry, I still can't see the issue.

If you want things to be different, you suggest swapping jobs for the night or a few nights a week.

But, if he has been at work all day while you have been with the baby, it's not unreasonable to have a routine which gives him time with the baby and you time away.

10 mins would not be enough time for me to cook dinner unless it was cheese on toast.

I love cooking btw. I wish I had more time to cook. Sincerely.

Fucking - what does your 4 month old do that you can't leave it in a chair or buggy or on a playmat while you stick something in the oven or do the washing up?

If you're cooking for DS, just cook one meal for everything. Add salt at the end in your and DH's portions. If you want spicier food, just give DS a jar that day, or freeze leftovers.

I personally think as you've been home with DS all day, DH should prioritise his time with him in the evening. That means he keeps doing the bath and bed. What do you do when he's doing those things?

get a slow cooker and read some of the threads on here in the food section. And frozen chopped onions. I do it whilst eating my breakfast before i go to work in the morning. Curry (with patak's paste), stew, chilli, bolognese, sausages, gammon - loads of things that aren't all mush. Maybe the issue is that your expectations are too high

YABU

I just love my slow cookers ( I have 3 ) chuck anything in it and it comes out all lovely, On a day off I cook 4 portions of either bolognaise, chicken stew, chili, etc I also cook other meals in the oven and on the hob, I then freeze it in portions. I takes literally all day, but then I don't have to cook any main meals for about 3 weeks, just defrost, cook some pasta or microwave some rice.

If the roles were reversed the advice would be exactly the same as far as I'm concerned.

Agree HmmmmBop. No sexism - if I worked and DH was SAHD, I'd expect him to have sorted food.

Screams like he's being destroyed?

He's poorly & has been so since birth so you can leave your snide comments elsewhere thanks.

He gets home by 7 and does bath and book which gives you a break.

My DH left at 7 got home at 9.30 on a good day. I got a break from a poorly baby on Saturday mornings when he took him out for a couple of hours.

I did the home fires. DH did the job and brought home the bacon. I'd worked in a high stress, long hours environment for 13 years before ds was born. I thought I was in heaven to be at home with the baby and pfaff about at home.

But, I do love cooking and was taught to cotdon bleu standards and find it a form of relaxation.

DC grown. Both work full time. He works longer hours, much. I do all cooking and house stuff.