I don't think I should cook every night

[LurkyLurkerMcLurkface]

I'm on maternity leave at the moment with 8 month DS. DH works full time and is out of the house 8am-6pm. Our evening routine is pretty set, he gets in and takes DS, I get food ready for DS. He'll then sit with DS while he eats. He then does books/bath and I do final feed and settle. I then come down and cook
Every. Fucking. Night
Last night I'd had enough and cooked for myself and left him to it. He's been sulking since.
AIBU to think this should be a shared job?

guns

Ouch...

and he asked me what the plan was for tea that I saw red.

and proceeded to cook only for yourself?

I think you need to get realise that you're more likely to have time to sort food out. 'separation anxiety' or refusing to take a nap* are different issues.

*??

** you mean cries when you put them down?

I know what it's like. It's easy to say but people forget how hard it is with a clingy baby.

Can you do an online shop then have all the ingredients, then one of you do a quick 30 minute simple meal at 6pm, something you can all eat.

Fucking and Lunar yes I did tell him. This is not a new argument
My cooking wa's then to make some toast and go to bed as i was shattered

Of course the cooking should be shared. Getting home at 6pm is easily early enough to cook an evening meal. You could do bath time for the baby some nights and he can prep food while you're busy with that.

username
*to the point that if I'm across the room cooking he'll be screaming
**screams when put down, he has pretty much stopped feeding to sleep as he used to. It's 40 minutes of bum/back patting while he cries for any nap. Works ~25% of the time

Let's be honest when you've got a baby screaming at you all day your priority isn't always batch cooking a fancy meal for your husband.

Pasta, jacket potato, fish fingers, shop bought cooked chicken, omelettes, beans, could all be options for quick fuss free meals

Sounds like a lot of cooking. Have you heard of baby led weaning? Baby eats what you eat & you can all sit down as a family together.

Your oh sounds like he is helpful & does his share, how receptive to your suggestion was he?

Also, I have to recommend a slow cooker. You bung everything in in the morning & it slowly cooks all day & makes amazing food from a few ingredients, plus all clean up is done early & you just need to plate up. Stews, roasts,pasta sauces soups etc.

Im a solo mamma& do it all every single night & its hard!! Def think he should have some turns. Could you do a simple rota or something?

Have you tried putting the high chair in the kitchen whilst you cook. Works for me when dd doesn't nap

I would say one starts the meal while the other bathes, then you swap over jobs for feed/settle.
It's hard when they're v small.

I do sympathise and I am always a bit at people who say "just cook in the day" as they must have had very angelic babies who were excellent nappers!

What has DH said before when you raised this with him?

Or do what I do when I've had a bad day, give the baby a jar and send dh out for fish and chips.

I know the food police wouldn't approve but life's too short to worry.

And lol at blw "baby eats what you eat"

I've found that a load of balls tbh, baby led weaning is, contrary to popular belief, not less cooking ime.

But that's because I cannot eat food without salt, it's horrid.

If you told him then someone should have got a takeaway menu out. Young clingy baby is not the time to be precious about cooking. Get some microwave meals and oven pizzas in the freezer for bad days.

Plenty of time for cooking when they are glued to Minecraft in a few years.

What type of food do you cook each night op?

Don't make it hard on youself as pp have said do quick jacket potatoes with various fillings, or frozen pizza, quick veg stir fry & noodles

He should be cooking at least 2 nights a week (i.e. just under half). There are PLENTY of parents who finish work at that time and cook. Have you asked him when he plans to start doing his share of the cooking?

Bet he never wants to cook again - what's going to happen if/when you both work??

Good lord - can't believe how many people's solution is that the OP cooks every single night, just easier stuff.

Why exactly shouldn't he cook? If she gets fucked off and chucks him out, he'll have to cook every night!! It's not beyond the wit of men to batch cook either. He could make a massive pasta bake one night and freeze another. Or soup. Poor OP.

Also, have you tried babywearing? I could not have survived without having my lo in a back carry.

Of course you shouldn't do all the cooking. Sit down together and make some plans that you're both happy with. Division of labour id the key to a happy home.

I for 1 certainly wasn't saying op should cook every single night just easier stuff I was asking what type of stuff she cooks and meant for her to cook simple stuff on her nights to cook rather than making things difficult

I agree StVincent, giving the OP ideas for easy to cook meals isn't the solution!

Zuza did baby led, however DS has some batch cooked food as I've replaced his first. It's getting a meal ready for all of us for 6pm. The no seasoning, no chilli makes it a problem.
fucking he either says because he's doing bath I should sort it out. I'm usually clearing up the mess from DS's tea while he's doing the bath
blue he screams for food or because he thinks I'm too far away

I give DD her dinner at 5:30 as she's too hungry to wait until DH's home from work (at the weekend we all eat together at her dinnertime). DH and I eat after she's in bed.

When she was born, I tried to have dinner ready for DH getting home, because that was when we usually ate. But inevitably that's when she'd start kicking off, so one of us would cook once he was home. Then when she started going to bed at a set time, I'd settle her and DH would cook our dinner whilst I was upstairs.

When she was about 14mo we decided to share both jobs as we were both sick of ALWAYS settling DD/cooking tea. So we started to take turns (DD was reluctant for DH to do bedtime but she got used to it!) and still do now. One night I put DD to bed whilst DH cooks, then the next night we swap. It works very well. Maybe it wouldn't work if you're feeding to sleep etc, but one day it might do!

And our dinners are mostly "bung in the oven" style, with some veg/salad. Maggi bags, that sort of thing. We use a lot of jars but do cook from scratch as well, but still all very very simple.

'he either says because he's doing bath I should sort it out'

Cooking gets very fucking tedious when it falls to you every bloody evening. You can take over bath times on the nights he cooks.

OH and I don't cook for each other. We do both cook, but that's because there are other family members to cater for.
Left to our own devices we would just eat food that is beyond simple. A baked cheese with salad and crusty bread, olives, ham, bought cooked chicken pieces, fish quickly baked in foil, bruchetta, guacamole, baked potato, smoked mackerel, scotch eggs, Everything very easy requiring minimal washing up.