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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't think I should cook every night

763 replies

LurkyLurkerMcLurkface · 28/09/2016 17:10

I'm on maternity leave at the moment with 8 month DS. DH works full time and is out of the house 8am-6pm. Our evening routine is pretty set, he gets in and takes DS, I get food ready for DS. He'll then sit with DS while he eats. He then does books/bath and I do final feed and settle. I then come down and cook
Every. Fucking. Night
Last night I'd had enough and cooked for myself and left him to it. He's been sulking since.
AIBU to think this should be a shared job?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 01/10/2016 18:57

But regardless of what you want, that's not what the OP wants. Is that a hard concept?

Chippednailvarnishing · 01/10/2016 18:59

I don't think anyone particularly gives a shit what you like G, the point is that the op isn't happy with her DH expecting her to cook. It isn't her job to look after him, she is on maternity leave from her job looking after her baby.

BTW are you littlemummyfoofoo sockpuppet?

Marynary · 01/10/2016 19:04

GDarling Nobody "put you down" because you like to look after your DH and children. They "put you down" because you said that said that it was a woman's job to do the cooking while on maternity leave. Do you understand the difference?

PhoebeGeebee · 01/10/2016 19:10

No one sits down until you both sit down.

TotallyOuting · 01/10/2016 19:43

BTW are you littlemummyfoofoo sockpuppet?

Hah! Well spotted.

Pinkcadillac · 01/10/2016 19:49

I think that if neither of you like cooking dinner or are too tired to do it you just need to find an alternative solution, ready meals, cereal bowls, fruit, toast. Or a combination of these. At a time that suits each of you individually.

Cooking is not compulsory, not when you are busy or tired and have options like microwaveable meals.

You could also have your main meal at lunch time and just have toast and fruit in the evening.

Memoires · 01/10/2016 19:54

OK, how did all these helpless dh's manage before they met their willing slaves current wives? Did they eat out every night, or go to their mother's or did they - blimey - cook for themselves? Did they manage to do their own laundry too? How about cleaning, tidying, dusting?

Is there some sort of switch which gets flicked once they're married which removes all those skills from them forever?

If they could manage not to live like pigs before they married, then they can carry on not living like pigs after. Which means they can still cook and clean, and should take responsibility for their environment like every other adult does. (Adult being the operative word there.)

WeatherwaxOrOgg · 01/10/2016 21:25

OP you asked aibu. I would say yes, yabu.

You cook every day as you say (I'm assuming just weekdays - I may be wrong) but I expect your husband has some repetitive aspects of his job that he hates but has to do every day as well - many jobs do have mind numbingly boring parts to them.

I think that being on maternity leave means you cook. Having had 7 children I totally understand the alienating hell that a clingy baby can plunge you into, but this man sounds reasonable. He bathes and reads to his child daily after work and you cook. I don't think its particularly hard to plan and shop for a simple meal with one single 8 month old, however stressful they are.

If you really can't bear cooking, perhaps you should do the bath and read while he cooks, but that does diminish their time together. Or are you thinking he should work, bathe, read to and cook? Genuine question and not sarcasm.

Him "faffing" on the pc seems reasonable seeing as you can do this during the day and he probably doesn't get much chance to.

He is supporting you while you care for his child during the day and preparing a meal seems to be a small part of the general caring exchange.

Obviously, I'd give a totally different reply once you go back to work and I'd give the same reply if you were male, which I'm assuming you're not.

I think if a man on paternity leave complained about having to prepare dinner for his working OH there would be less support for this complaint.

JacquettaWoodville · 01/10/2016 21:27

Him "faffing" on the pc seems reasonable seeing as you can do this during the day and he probably doesn't get much chance to.

Doubt it, given the clingy baby.

Chippednailvarnishing · 01/10/2016 21:29

He is supporting you while you care for his child during the day

How do you know the OP isn't paid whilst on maternity leave? Talk about making massive assumptions.

JacquettaWoodville · 01/10/2016 21:36

So she has a "job" during the day - childcare - and he does - his job.

Once he's home, they both need to have chores time and relaxing time.

WeatherwaxOrOgg · 01/10/2016 22:15

Yep - that's your opinion. I gave mine. I'm not saying yours is wrong - just that I found even with that many children I still found some time to do some of what I wanted :)

Oh - and she managed to have time to "faff" on Mumsnet lol.

WeatherwaxOrOgg · 01/10/2016 22:15

If indeed she's a she! Grin

gandalf456 · 01/10/2016 22:36

Well, presumably he wanted his child

expatinscotland · 01/10/2016 22:54

So let's say he hired a nanny to look after his child whilst he was at work. Would he/she be expected to have a meal on the table waiting for him daily? Um, no.

motherinferior · 01/10/2016 23:06

And again - why is the OP supposed to eat 'fruit and toast' or bowls of bloody cereal in the evening just because her husband can't be arsed to cook?

SoleBizzz · 01/10/2016 23:08

Slow cooker

Original poster
LurkyLurkerMcLurkface · 01/10/2016 23:36

weatherwax yes I'm a she! We'd got to the point where I did every meal 7 days a week. Hence my frustration

OP posts:
Marynary · 01/10/2016 23:56

I think that being on maternity leave means you cook.

But why? You don't know whether or not it is easy for OP to plan and cook his meal but even if it is why on earth should she? Her DH has time to cook an evening meal as well just as the vast majority of people who work do.

Also how on earth do you know that he is "supporting" her while she is on maternity leave? That is so presumptuous. My DH certainly wasn't "supporting" me whilst I was on maternity leave.

Unicorn1981 · 02/10/2016 00:42

The thing is that while she shouldn't have to cook every night she is at home so therefore cooking falls to her. It is annoying but why should her Dh do it when he's coming home from work. I used to work with a load of women who though IWU because I wanted my dp to do the washing up after I cooked because I worked part time with a toddler.

TotallyOuting · 02/10/2016 00:47

The thing is that while she shouldn't have to cook every night she is at home so therefore cooking falls to her. It is annoying but why should her Dh do it when he's coming home from work.
She's at home, on maternity leave, looking after their child (and presumably doing the occasional bit of housework/tidying up after their child if she can fit it in). Her DH is home two hours before they eat and is finished with his part of the chores before she's done with hers.

Why should she cook when her working day is already longer?

Only1scoop · 02/10/2016 00:50

Batch bake

Only1scoop · 02/10/2016 00:50

Batch Cook

Only1scoop · 02/10/2016 00:50

Slow cooker

JacquettaWoodville · 02/10/2016 00:51

" It is annoying but why should her Dh do it when he's coming home from work"

He finishes at 1730 and is home at 1800. That's plenty of time for him to cook.

If he got back at 2000, might be a different conversation. OP could reheat what he'd batch cooked in his 17 slow cookers at the weekend, for example.

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