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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be freaking out that DD has gotten her period!!!

222 replies

hungryhippo90 · 28/09/2016 09:31

Just exactly that!!
She's a big girl, 4"11and size 5 shoe. She looks about 12 by most people's guesses. I'd expected it to come soon-ish because she's started to get hairy legs. But I thought it would be in a year or so, which would put her at the age when I got my period, but she's 8. And this seems far too young..

Am I bu to really be freaking out about this?

OP posts:
middlings · 28/09/2016 10:30

*of which

Bountybarsyuk · 28/09/2016 10:31

seeyou I also agree that's not what the scientific evidence shows, you are stating it as if this is undisputable and as if that's the only reason, and actually, it's more complex and the reasons debatable.

There is a connection between weight and early onset, but that doesn't really take account of the fact that children are much taller now than 100 or even 50 years ago, these children have size shoe 5/6 by mid/top primary.

There is also a connection between ethnicity, as someone has already said, ethnicities that tend to be small framed and small boned start puberty later/African American children often start earlier. This is not necessarily driven by weight, in that if you go into puberty and put down fat around your bum/hips/breasts, then you weigh more as a consequence, so it's hard to tease out what is causing what. It may be that our environment/foods eaten is triggering people to both weigh more and to start puberty earlier.

Your post is just not correct in its certainty, and the blame unwarranted. How is the OP to blame that her dd is nearly 5 ft at 8? One of my dds was 5' 4'' at 10. She's a normal weight by the way, just tall.

ample · 28/09/2016 10:31

Agree on advice for deep breaths to calm down. She will need you to be calm...unflustered.
What KayTee87 suggested is spot on and exactly what I would do. Good luck, hope your DD is okay. At home with mum today is going to be the best place or her.

longdiling · 28/09/2016 10:31

I didn't think so somehow real.

Yes Edmund, except that isn't what you wrote was it? You didn't say anything remotely like 'i understand you're shocked but...' you accused the op of being inappropriate and then told her to get a grip. Needlessly unpleasant.

FlyingElbows · 28/09/2016 10:32

Good God some of you are just so unnecessarily unpleasant. Does it really make you feel good to be so flippantly dismissive of people? You're horrible.

Op it absolutely ok for you to feel shocked and surprised that your 8 year old child, who five minutes ago was a babe in arms, has started menstruating several years before you expected. And it's also ok for you to look to a forum like this to share your surprise. It matters not a fuck if 8 is just within the "normal" range for puberty it's still very very young and there is nothing wrong with any mother having strong emotions about that. There's nothing wrong with any mother feeling emotional about it at any age, it's a big development marker.

I'm not a fan of the term "cool girl" and its intent to insult other women but threads like this really show why it gets tossed about. Some of you are fucking awful.

HairsprayBabe · 28/09/2016 10:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ: this echoed a deleted post, so removing this one too.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 28/09/2016 10:34

My DD is 9 and I'm readying myself because she could start soon. Just calm down and talk to her about it, maybe have chocolate or something on stand by.

Youarenotprepared · 28/09/2016 10:35

I would freak as well as it seems so young. The normal range is from 8 though so no issues just a shock.

You have time to calm down and it will become the new normal very quickly. Just keep talking to her and let her ask you questions.

MrsderPunkt · 28/09/2016 10:35

Seeyou has one of the highest horses I've ever seen, time to get off!

herethereandeverywhere · 28/09/2016 10:35

I have a 7 year old DD and I'm terrified of this being her. I started mine at 12 and she'll be bigger than me I'm sure (dad's genes). There is some helpful advice on here re: not freaking out - thanks to those posters I'll store and remember.

I have a question: I have suffered for 28 years (minus 2 pregnancies) with horrendous period pain. My best relief is to take ibuprofen at max dose every 4-6 hours from the 1st twinge (days before i start) through the 3rd day. What can 8/9/10 year olds take take will kill pain in this way?! I frequently collapsed/fainted with the pain through my early teens until I started taking adult dose Ibuprofen. My mum was the same and I fear my DDs will be too.

I'm sure when the time comes DD will adapt to the practicalities of bleeding and towels and hygiene. It's the pain I want her to be spared.

Any ideas?

Backingvocals · 28/09/2016 10:36

Unbelievable posts on here. OP, you are perfectly right to be shocked. I would be too. And of course you will get yourself together to help DD through this at too young an age. That's exactly why you are posting. You have my every sympathy and so does DD. As for the posters who want this to be your fault - astonishing.

MatildaOfTuscany · 28/09/2016 10:36

Another one shocked by the complete empathy bypass some posters seem to be suffering. OP, I'd be freaked too (and I'm sure you're not going to let on to your daughter that you are - the whole point in having a bit of a freak out on MN surely is to help you process it and get it out of your system before you have to be nice and calm with her). My DS is the same age and is so obviously still just a little child - and that's why I too would be freaked in your situation too: the mismatch between still being a child and being tossed around on a sea of all those adult hormones all of a sudden (I can still remember how crap the mood swings of puberty were, and I was a late starter, so more mature and a bit better able to handle them). In a way, I think that's why a matter of fact approach probably is good, try to help her to see it as just a bodily function rather than "The start of being an adult..." Because she isn't yet, and won't be for many years.

Agree with PP that although 8 is within the normal range, it's still young so probably worth a visit to the GP.

Helmetbymidnight · 28/09/2016 10:38

8 is very young. I would be freaking out too, Op. Flowers

Sallystyle · 28/09/2016 10:41

FFS at seeyouontheotherside

Please educate yourself before you talk crap.

OP I would be a bit upset as well. It is so young, at 8 they should not have to be dealing with periods. I would take her to the GP, just to make sure it is her actual period and to see if they want to keep an eye on her.

Thanks
Youarenotprepared · 28/09/2016 10:41

Early puberty is caused by being oversized and having too much body fat, that triggers the hormones. It doesn't happen to skinny kids.

I'd love to see some evidence of this because it sounds like the biggest pile of bollocks I've read in a while. I have known a few people who have started at 8/9 and none have been hugely overweight. It's unusual and a bloody big shock but you've made a huge leap here and begun to attack the OP suggesting she has failed her.

Also the OP (quite rightly) doesn't mention her daughter's weight at all, just that she is 4'11". For all you know she could be skinny as a rake.

Please tell me how we are supposed to stop our children growing? Do you suggest we starve them and shut them in a dark room so they don't grow outside of your perception of "normal"?

ample · 28/09/2016 10:41

8 is young. I've heard stories about young girls starting their periods. It's not all myth.

I don't think YABU, OP. I've been prepared as I can be for the past year but the news (if DD was 8) would floor me too then I would have to very quickly calm the fuck down. I have a 10 yo and I'm hoping it will be a few more years.

Doggity · 28/09/2016 10:44

What the fuck is wrong with some of you people?!!
OP, of course YANBU to be shocked. I think 8 is still little. Take your cues from her, she might be ok. Kids are remarkably resilient and grown up when they need to be.

Everythingstaken · 28/09/2016 10:46

My DD is nearly 9 and I totally empathise because it would be a huge shock to me and something I am totally unprepared for! Thank you for posting, I will now start getting prepared. We haven't even had a conversation about any of this yet!
Good luck!

Bitzer · 28/09/2016 10:46

Hope you are ok, OP, there are some crazy posts on this thread. FWIW my DD2 is showing some signs of early development. She's 98th centile for height but v lean, v active, not an ounce of fat on her. Reasons for early development are, as far as I understand it, pretty complex.

Ditsy4 · 28/09/2016 10:47

I don't understand why some women have to be so unpleasant to others on MN.

OP
I can understand why you are freaking out. It has been a shock to you and I am sure by the time you see your daughter you will be the loving parent you need to be. I would buy her a new cuddle toy that has lavender wheat bag inside in case she has cramps. If she is coming home for the day a few little treats and a DVD to snuggle up and watch together if possible.
I work in a school and we do occasionally have girls this young starting and contrary to seeyous unbelievable post the last one was a skinny kid!
We have little packs which we send off for if they have their first one at school which we hand out. It is like a little zip purse with one in. We have a little chat sort them out( we keep clean knickers too) and tell them which members of staff to go to so they have a choice of going to someone they feel more comfortable with. So organise which member of staff she can go to next time when you chat to the teacher. It may be the teacher but more likely it will be the TA. It might be an idea to get your daughter a little diary so she can keep track so if she is regular then she will be prepared. Most girls of this age are irregular to start with so a small pouch in her bag would be a good idea and teach her how to dispose of pads correctly. They may let her use the disabled toilet at school if there isn't a bin in the girls toilet. Check on line and you should be able to find a freebie she might like to do this with you.

AllBellyandBoobs · 28/09/2016 10:48

Ah, so young. If it helps at all I had one period aged 9 and then nothing until starting regularly at 10 (and a half) so this might not be the absolute start. I don't remember being too freaked out about it, which suggests it was all handled quite calmly. I do remember being worried about my enormous boobs though, not so easy to disguise from everyone else though 😊

LouisTherouxsGlasses · 28/09/2016 10:49

Actually, age at menarche has decreased since the 19th century as a result of better nutrition and less physical labour (hence the height, not necessarily 'padding' as useless people have suggested). Mum's age at menarche also plays a genetic role along with social factors, eg. urban environment, presence of an unrelated male.

I was almost 15 and relieved to get my period as
I honestly thought I might be infertile. I grew up on a farm with a rather plain diet and lots of work -probably quite Victorian. I was underweight before then, but there was also a v petite girl in my class who got hers at 10 :/

My sympathies OP, a mature body is not a mature mind.

hellsbellsmelons · 28/09/2016 10:56

Ahh... bless her.
I was 14 and my DD was 13 so 8 is very young to me too!
Just make it all as breezy as possible.
It's all just normal... etc... etc....
It could just be a one off for now.
(((((HUGS))))) for you OP!
A nice sugary tea for you Brew

coolpotato · 28/09/2016 10:56

Well OP, if I got that same phone all from school, I'd be the exact same. Horrified that it's happened earlier than expected, and concerned how my DD would deal with it. It's a huge responsibility dealing with periods and naturally cause angst for them and for you. Ignore some of the nasty comments on here and just be there for your dd as I'm sure she'll have questions and need reassurance that this is perfectly normal. Good luck!

ihatethecold · 28/09/2016 10:57

Can i ask, What is a false start?

My dd Started mid august with a heavy period but has had nothing since.

We keep waiting for it to arrive again!