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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to bring my child

301 replies

Bumpasaurusmumma · 27/09/2016 16:59

My closest friend is getting married and they've also asked me to be part of the bridal party, which I am honoured.
The issue I have is they've said no children.
Now I can understand this as they feel that people would have more 'fun' without their children there. Trouble is, I wouldn't because it is not a local wedding. It would require a whole weekend away from my child who will be two (just turned) 'by the time the wedding happens.

I have spoken to my husband and he feels the same. That we are a family unit and he doesn't want to be over 4.5 hours away just incase something happens.

Now I have tried to raise this concern with my friends and they just said let's see how things are in six months... all fair and well but I've planned a wedding myself and I'm aware that in six months everything will be booked and sorted, I also know I will feel the same. When they first told us, our child was a small baby and we hadn't attempted to find a childminder etc by that point and naively unaware of the difficulties of finding someone you trust, never mind willing for the whole weekend! So said it probably would be ok. They in turn said if we are having issues to let them know, which we have and they have still said no.

I'd happily pay for my child in terms of food etc...

When we got married (and were none the wiser about getting childminders etc...) we said no children ourselves except for certain exceptions (friends and family travelling several hours and spending the whole weekend) rather than being local and going home same night.

I'm not some precious mother who can't leave her child. We have been out for meals etc, I'm just not comfortable about a whole weekend and my husband feels the same. It wouldn't be feasible to travel there and back in one day.

The other option is to leave my hubby at home and go alone. Which I know they would also be upset by.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 27/09/2016 20:18

I wouldn't do that it's like backing them into a corner. Awful

Oly5 · 27/09/2016 20:18

Why can't you go on your own and have a great time? This is a good friend, you should go to her wedding.
Leave DH at home with your dc.
What's the big deal? The "we are a family unit" thing is comical. If you have nobody to look after your dc then you just need to go solo.

MiddleClassProblem · 27/09/2016 20:19

Just because someone is a godparent doesn't mean they are so close to both parents they would be upset if the one they aren't as close to couldn't come iyswim. I do think you over stating that a bit as an excuse to yourself or DH.

If you don't want to go on your own then that's fine but just say that. In which case you just don't go which sounds a shame as you sound quite close to the groom.

If it's an anxiety thing, maybe look at ways you could manage it? But at the end of the day you can only do what you can do.

LyndaNotLinda · 27/09/2016 20:20

Sorry Liv! Wasn't you - it was tallulah above you who said her child wouldn't be happy to be put to bed by someone she didn't know.

Apols!

MiddleClassProblem · 27/09/2016 20:21

Also I'm sure they would rather have one of you than none of you

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 27/09/2016 20:21

GrinGrinGrin

Headofthehive55 · 27/09/2016 20:24

I understand your feelings. We once went to a wedding without our two year old. Neither of us really enjoyed it much and it taught us that, actually, we'd prefer to decline future invites. You could always go as a family to a nearby hotel, you pop in to the ceremony and join your family in the evening.

Nakupenda · 27/09/2016 20:26

Unrelated to what everyone else has said but since when does being a 'family unit' mean you can't spend 2 seconds away from your special snowflake child?

Pretty sure you can be a family unit and not drag your toddler to a wedding.

Phalenopsisgirl · 27/09/2016 20:36

I have to say at my own wedding we had a staffed crèche and the kids came and then, ate, played and generally had a great day in a neighbouring room. The parents were able to relax and enjoy, the kids didn't get bored and there weren't squawking kids running everywhere spoil ing special moments. Really would recommend this to all brides

Myownperson · 27/09/2016 20:36

This is slightly on a tangent but are most people's children happy to be left with sitters they've never met before? Genuine question. DD is 3 and I think would freak out at a stranger putting her to bed.

Neither of my children would be happy at bedtime with a stranger. My 2year old is not happy being left middle of the day with agency babysitter but he settles far quicker than I thought he would. I know this because I have waited in the street listening. Blush

Both agency babysitters I've had are brilliantly reassuring. I think they'd probably manage bedtimes to be honest but tears and strangers at bedtime seem too sad.

PGPsabitch · 27/09/2016 20:37

I would decline if you don't want to go without your dc. It's their wedding their choice who to invite, just as your own child free wedding was.

brasty · 27/09/2016 20:44

You need to decide if your friend is important enough to you to do something for her, that you would prefer not to do.

Myownperson · 27/09/2016 20:47

My then 2 year old DC1 was sick on my top at a friend's wedding (a bit of washing and drying under a hand drier) and my friends potty training 2 year old weed in my lap during speeches at the same event. Soaked skirt. We left at that point.

There was a room set aside for children which is where i spent most of the ceremony and reception.

Actually the whole day was very Four weddings and a funeral like. I had my clothes with me hanging in car for long drive so I didn't arrive crumpled. Various delays meant I ended up changing in the car on approach. Yep, in traffic in my bra.

57968sp · 27/09/2016 20:48

I am surprised that so many mums on here would be prepared to leave their little ones for a couple of days with a babysitter just to attend a wedding.

Only1scoop · 27/09/2016 20:49

I'd have either asked my parents or taken a sitter with us to stay near.

Myownperson · 27/09/2016 20:51

And because I'm grumpy and bored... I'm going to confess that I used to pretend to be thrilled to be godparent to friends/relatives. It was always told to me as some massive honour, like a great gift was being bestowed on me. I've always loved children but really didn't get the god parent thing.

Maybe I should find another thread!

Waltermittythesequel · 27/09/2016 20:51

Ffs!

It's leaving for a couple of nights. 'Mums' are also people with interests outside their children. Hmm

OP the pair of you need to stop carrying on with the family unit shite. Seriously. It's cringe worthy.

Don't be those parents.

Myownperson · 27/09/2016 20:53

57968sp I assumed posters mean to book a sitter for a portion of the day near the event.

Only1scoop · 27/09/2016 20:53

I know a great excuse for a lovely childfree wedding. Last lovely wedding I went to, our friend have us the choice as whether to bring them.
We all said No thanks Grin

JustSpeakSense · 27/09/2016 20:53

I would definitely not leave my 2 year old and spend a weekend 4.5 hours away. The only option, in my opinion, is that your DH stay home with your little one, and you attend the wedding on your own.

It is not ideal, but it isn't your wedding day it is theirs. And comfort yourself with the fact that these years with little ones passes pretty quickly, soon they will be sulky teenagers and you'll be dying for a weekend way from them Grin

paxillin · 27/09/2016 20:53

I am surprised that so many mums on here would be prepared to leave their little ones for a couple of days with a babysitter just to attend a wedding It is a bit stressful leaving your PFB for the first time ever. It is very stressful to take a 2 year old to a wedding and stop him from spoiling it for everyone whilst still witnessing at least some of the important moments. I've done both, the former is preferable.

NapQueen · 27/09/2016 20:57

I'd jump at the offer!

Don't get me wrong I love being a mum. But a chance to not have to thin about anyone but myself for 24/46 hours? Yes please .

thecatsclinkers · 27/09/2016 21:03

God the martyrs on here who can't leave their iddle widdle munchkins for a short time!

Strokethefurrywall · 27/09/2016 21:12

I am surprised that so many mums on here would be prepared to leave their little ones for a couple of days with a babysitter just to attend a wedding

Why are you surprised? I left Ds1 when he was 4 months old to attend a hen weekend in Miami. Good for me to let my hair down and dance all night (although having to hook myself up to a breast pump at 5am 3 sheets to the wind was mildly challenging...), and even better for DH to spend one-on-one time with Ds1 for 4 days.

Did I miss him? Of course! Was I excited to get back and see him? Undoubtedly. But I'm also a person in my own right, external of being a "mother" and every mother should be able to enjoy themselves without their children without the additional guilt for leaving them.

If you don't want to leave your children then fine, but if you do, that's also fine too! Children don't come with a ball and chain.

brasty · 27/09/2016 21:16

And who don't want to do something for their closest friend.

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