To want to bring my child

[Bumpasaurusmumma]

My closest friend is getting married and they've also asked me to be part of the bridal party, which I am honoured.
The issue I have is they've said no children.
Now I can understand this as they feel that people would have more 'fun' without their children there. Trouble is, I wouldn't because it is not a local wedding. It would require a whole weekend away from my child who will be two (just turned) 'by the time the wedding happens.

I have spoken to my husband and he feels the same. That we are a family unit and he doesn't want to be over 4.5 hours away just incase something happens.

Now I have tried to raise this concern with my friends and they just said let's see how things are in six months... all fair and well but I've planned a wedding myself and I'm aware that in six months everything will be booked and sorted, I also know I will feel the same. When they first told us, our child was a small baby and we hadn't attempted to find a childminder etc by that point and naively unaware of the difficulties of finding someone you trust, never mind willing for the whole weekend! So said it probably would be ok. They in turn said if we are having issues to let them know, which we have and they have still said no.

I'd happily pay for my child in terms of food etc...

When we got married (and were none the wiser about getting childminders etc...) we said no children ourselves except for certain exceptions (friends and family travelling several hours and spending the whole weekend) rather than being local and going home same night.

I'm not some precious mother who can't leave her child. We have been out for meals etc, I'm just not comfortable about a whole weekend and my husband feels the same. It wouldn't be feasible to travel there and back in one day.

The other option is to leave my hubby at home and go alone. Which I know they would also be upset by.

AIBU?

[Dieu]

YABVU

[HeyOverHere]

also states they are trying to have as 'few children as possible' which suggests to me there are likely going to be some.

It also suggests that they request that if possible, do not bring your child.

It is possible.

Do not bring your child.

[Awhoosh]

I must be the odd one out because I sympathise, OP. I don't think YABU. Some people don't want to leave their 2 yo for a weekend. Being told "she'll be fine" doesn't make you suddenly change your mind.

Yes it's the B&G's choice to have a child-free wedding but it's ok for the OP to feel conflicted. She wants to go; she wants her DH there and she doesn't want to leave her child behind for a weekend.

Maybe I've been to different weddings from many of you but I've never been to a wedding ruined by a 2 year old. I don't get child-free weddings - it's a bit like saying to your friends do come, bring your partners except the ones I don't like.

If it was me I'd try (as many have said) to take someone eg granny with us and stay nearby.

Weddings do seem to cause trouble judging by the threads on here

[greeneyedlulu]

by the time your baby is 2 you'll be wanting to give him away for a week!! pass him over to the grandparents, have fun at the wedding and treat it as a dirty weekend away with the possibility of making baby number 2!! and as for "something might happen" you can walk out your front door and be hit by lightening!! go and enjoy!!

[CenturyChild]

My DH and I recently attended a child free wedding in France. We flew out with our 8 month old DS and had pre-arranged for a local babysitter (from a reputable agency) to look after DS in our hotel room on the day of the wedding (8 hours in total). We arranged for her to spend an hour with DS the day before the wedding so he could get to know her. She was awesome and DS had a whale of a time. Could a local babysitter be an option for you? Shame for your DH to miss the wedding.

[Anmi0802]

Exatcly what Ineededtonamechange
Said, I wouldn't leave my 2 year old behind

[Shockers]

My friend had a childfree wedding, but said yes to a child coming at the last minute because childcare fell through for one of her friends.

This was five years ago and another couple still aren't speaking to her because they'd pleaded their case to bring their children and she'd said no.

I think they were wrong, and really rude to stay for the whole day, eat the food provided, drink the free booze, then slag her off publicly, but you can see the bad feeling caused by not being consistent with a rule.

[Secretmetalfan]

Well it's tgeir choice to have a child free wedding and they prob have no idea about logistics. But they need to understand that this will be almost impossible for you so they can't be pissed off if you and/or your husband can't make it. Personally we automatically decline child free weddings here unless they are right in our doorstep and evening only. We have no family close by and even an evening out costs about £40 in baby sitting. I never really understood kid free weddings myself

[Headofthehive55]

lady it depends. I don't feel I want a weekend away from our children. And we have older children too. I don't look back and think I wished I'd have gone to stuff we didn't. I like being in my home!

nothing wrong in enjoying being a family unit.

[kangamouse]

Check if the hotel has baby sitters and utilise them for the main event. Then you limit your baby sitting gig for the shortest time and you are still close.... Remember it's not your wedding and if you can't conform ... You can't go .... Best

[sjgalpin]

I have attended three 'child free' weddings of my cousins the child free is standard in Ireland however as these have all been overseas I would not have considered leaving my boys, first wedding my eldest was 3 months, and I was still feeding him. We booked the hotel the reception was in and then liaised with the hotel on sitters that they had used and asked them if they had any recommendation letters from other guests. On the day of the wedding we attended the service then I was able to pop back to the room during drinks reception to feed him and pop back during the evening just to put my mind at ease. Second wedding we had two, oldest was 3 years and youngest 15 months we did the same and it worked out fine and we have done a third since. Nobody passed any comment at all the children were not at any part of the wedding we were comfortable with the arrangements so it worked for everyone.

[Oakster1]

We have taken MIL with us on two occasions like this when we have been invited to weddings far away from home but DS was not invited, she was happy to stay in the accommodation with DS whilst we went to the wedding. I wouldn't have been comfortable leaving him for the whole weekend with both me and DH hours away either so do sympathise. Do you have anyone that you could ask to come along and babysit?

[gardenrosie]

I think you need to go without your child. We've been in this situation (twice) and once paid for a babysitter to come with us and look after our daughter in a hotel while we went to the wedding. The second time was a wedding overseas when we had two kids, we luckily had family on holiday nearby, so they came and stayed with our kids while we went to the wedding. I popped back to check on kids half way through both weddings - I was near my babies and my friends didn't have my kids at their child free weddings.

[gillyweed]

Hmmmm I see it from both sides really. In the end it's their wedding, their choice!

However, if I were you I probably wouldnt go - I've left my kids overnight, but never for a weekend, there are very few people willing to have them for an entire weekend, and even less who are able. There are 3 of them though, and no childcare/family options in the immediate vicinity.

If you have suitable childcare, go let your hair down and enjoy it.

[galaxygirl45]

I wouldn't leave mine for 2 days unless I had 100% reliable childcare (ie my mum) and if you don't have that, then you can't go. It's not nice for you, but I'd write a really honest letter to your friend saying that it's just not possible due to family health reasons/childcare however you will be there in spirit and perhaps they can come stay with you and show you the video/photos for a weekend when the dust has settled. And send it with some flowers or wine. It's just one of those things sadly.

[Whocansay]

"letting me".

Grr!

[Whocansay]

This thread should be renamed to "How to I browbeat and manipulate my friend into letting bring my PFB?".

[Tapandgo]

This is a recurring theme about children welcome/children not welcome weddings.
Choices are clear - don't go, find childminder and go with DH, or go alone and get DH to look after child.
There are lots of things you will come up against in life where a child cannot accompany you.
People have a right to make their choices about what they want to happen at their wedding.

[PacificDogwod]

You have answered your own question: you aren't comfortable to leave your child for the whole weekend. Well, don't then.

Sounds like you are not going to be attending this wedding, never mind be part of the bridal party unless you figure out how to be in 2 places at the same time.

Wrt 'family unit': that just makes me feel queasy. Yes, you are now a family, but that does not mean that you as an individual disappear. Your DH is your DD's other parent and in the same way that I am sure you could look after her on your own for a weekend, he could (or at least he ought to be able to).

It is your choice to not leave your DD behind; it is your friend's choice what kind of wedding she wants to have.

You need to decide.
Personally, I would welcome a childfree weekend

[LadyStoic]

180 degree

Clearly

[LadyStoic]

Is genuinely hilarious that you wanted and had a child free wedding, but now that you have your own special snowflake PFB, you've suddenly had an epiphany of Biblical --180 degree- proportions...

OP, I have 3 DC, youngest doing GCSEs and eldest nearly 25. I'm genuinely struggling to even recall the minutae I sweated when I had my own special snowflake PFB but I do recall that it was Very. Important. At. The. Time

I promise you that you will give not one shiny shit about this in 10 years time but if you miss BFF's wedding (on the fingers crossed that they will NOT be the one in three divorced by that point), you may well give a shiny shit about that. In fact once your PFB is a tween/teenager, and, to be more precise - you will most likely be thinking 'fuck me, what I would do for a weekend away on my OWN right now'

In answer to your Q, yes - YABVVVU but having FTFT and PP's posts, I'm seriously getting the sense that you don't really want to hear that...

AIBU. You've gotta love it huh?

[Mummybear1988]

YANBU wanting to take your children but
YABU expecting to take them. Paying for them isn't the point the bride had said they don't want children and it's their wedding and their choice. For all you know it could cause problems with others who have also been told not to bring their children. Either find a sitter or don't go

[falange]

YABU. Don't go if you feel that strongly about it. It's their wedding not yours. I wanted a child free wedding and a couple turned up with their children and we had to accommodate them. I was not happy!!

[steff13]

Could you get a hotel room with two double beds, and have a grandparent come with you, and share one room? It's not ideal, but it's probably only for two nights, right?

[Parky100]

Yes, YABU. How many threads are there asking this question?? Not your wedding. Don't ask to bring your child. Arrange childcare, go without your DH or don't go. Be don't be an arse about it, especially if you did this yourself.