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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Weird one. Should I be narked at this lady for swiping a collection at school and using for another purpose?

254 replies

iJoan · 27/09/2016 12:38

Can I preface the post (NC so as not to get me in too much hot water) by saying I have had a pretty shit couple of months so may be a bit whiney and sensitive Blush

A friend of my DD's at school got the devastating news that she was DX with a life threatening illness. She's been off school for the last couple of weeks. The family are very sweet and do a lot for others (including me)in the school. I thought it would be a nice gesture to do a collection so we could buy the girl some specific things to keep her occupied in hospital- The budget was £80 and the amount was reached very quickly and folks were very generous.

Unbeknownst to me another girl in another class had to have a routine operation last week which would require her being off school for a couple of weeks.

A lady who is senior in the PTA (who I do not know well) asked for the collection money which was being held in the school office. She told the admin staff that since the second girl was in the hospital the collection had changed (er no it hadn't)and she was going to organise a gift for her.

She spent all the money on the second girl. Leaving me looking like an idiot.

I approached her about it and got a gob full about treating the girls differently Confused

I already spent the money on a gift for the original child which was very much appreciated. I am now £80 down and look a bit shady and am finding it very hard to bite my lip whilst the PTA lady is thanked for such a lovely idea!

RANT OVER!

OP posts:
Doggity · 27/09/2016 13:25

Jesus, that is wrong, just wrong. I'm glad you're going to speak to the head. She purposefully stole that money...from a sick child. That fact that it was going to another sick child isn't the point. If she really felt strongly about fairness, maybe it could have been split but she took it all so it sounds like she did it spitefully.

Littleballerina · 27/09/2016 13:26

If you don't approach the head you could be accused of wrong doing.
You've done a lovely thing, don't let this bully get away with stealing.

CodyKing · 27/09/2016 13:26

So OP has a legal requirement to use the gifted money for the purpose stated (which she did buy gifts)

However the PTA did not and therefore broke the law - both via theft of the money and use for another purpose

And as a PTA member in charge of school funds - could be thousands - I would question her integrity

Inertia · 27/09/2016 13:27

I would put it all in an email to the head, bursar and chair of governors so that there is an trail for this.

CodyKing · 27/09/2016 13:28

Yes or follow up an email after the meeting

Things get said and you could look like the bad one

Original poster
iJoan · 27/09/2016 13:29

I haven't communicated this very well.
PTA lady has told everyone it was a joint collection(Including admin staff- she told them the collection had changed to INCLUDE girl B) but neglected to tell me whilst I was spending the £80 I had collected.

She didn't take half- she took all of the money so I have been left pocketing th shortfall.

This is how it stands. I was really miffed but told by two people- don't bother to take her on- was the opinion offered. After coming gone MN I'm now I'm going to go through the head to get the money back.

I will leave things now- if you don't hear anything form me it's because all was well and I got the cash back and both girls end up happy.

Ta X Smile

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 27/09/2016 13:30

Bloody hell fire! This woman has basically stolen money from a child with a life threatening illness.

I think that really is the lowest of the low

2kids2dogsnosense · 27/09/2016 13:30

iJoan - please come back and tell us the outcome of your meeting with the HT.

I am a nosey baggage and get very frustrated when I don't hear the end of stories find it helpful to know which suggestions have been most useful in case a similar incident occurs in the future.

cozietoesie · 27/09/2016 13:32

I'd be asking for a copy of the PTA's latest accounts. Smile

SandyDenny · 27/09/2016 13:33

I've read quickly so might have missed anyone who said YABU, how unlucky that you have both a DP and a friend who say to leave it.

I can't understand that for a single second, who would just suck it up?

I'd have phoned the HT already and got a meeting booked. Is PTA lady in the chair or a member, if not the chair I'd also contact that person ASAP and explain the situation.

I'm furious on your behalf

NoFuchsGiven · 27/09/2016 13:33

I am gobsmacked with this, like totally gobsmacked Shock

blueskyinmarch · 27/09/2016 13:34

Well PTA lady has lied and misled people, hasn't she? She is the one in the wrong and you are now out of pocket. She can’t get away with this.

WatchS20 · 27/09/2016 13:34

I would quietly talk to HT not governors etc. It would be utterly mortifying for either family with a sick child to be caught up in something like this whilst worrying about their DC.

Ther is always at least one mischievous bastard/bitch spoiling it for everyone else. PTA lady is either unintelligent or arrogant.

NoSquirrels · 27/09/2016 13:34

I think you have communicated it fine - it's her communication that was dodgy as fuck.

Bestthingever · 27/09/2016 13:34

So she told everyone it was a joint collection but took all the money? That makes her a liar. She needs to be dealt with.

Gatehouse77 · 27/09/2016 13:35

My approach would be to ask pertinent questions of the Head rather than make accusations. Such as...

Can you explain why a collection made under Jane Smith's name was given to PTA lady when it was not organised by the PTA?

(Assuming you provided the envelope) Why was the envelope not kept until I was asked/informed to clarify matters?

How do you think I should explain this to those people that have asked about the collection for Jane Smith that it was appropriated by the PTA and the entire amount spent on Anne Jones?

I am of the understanding that funds raised for a specific cause cannot be reassigned, could you check the rules yourself and let me know if I have misunderstood? If I haven't then you can see that this a problem, can't you?

Can you understand the position I was put in? Knowing how much had been collected I procured a gift, initially at my own expense only to find the funds had gone missing. Obviously, I wanted to give the gift on behalf of all those that had contributed to Jane's collection but it means I am now £80 out of pocket. It's very awkward, isn't it?

Oh, and I don't care if that comes across as passive aggressive because the Head is not the one who caused the problem so there's no need to attack her.

SandyDenny · 27/09/2016 13:35

Not sure anyone's got a legal case here, surely a collection amongst aquiantances isn't covered by legislation.

TheTyrannyOfMAGENTA · 27/09/2016 13:36

Shock what an utter cow!

Pettywoman · 27/09/2016 13:38

Why wouldn't it be Sandy? It belonged to someone, it was taken = theft.

DeadGood · 27/09/2016 13:40

I'm also stunned that anyone IRL would recommend you "just leave it". What is wrong with them?!

SandyDenny · 27/09/2016 13:44

Maybe the theft aspect Prettywoman but not the collecting aspect otherwise all office leaving collections, birthday collections, new baby collections would be legally binding as it's the same principle which doesn't seem likely (not a lawyer btw but applying common sense). I should have been clearer that I was referring to the link to law about fundraising

origamiwarrior · 27/09/2016 13:44

Ah, so it could be a slight misunderstanding then. You started collecting the money, thinking it was all for Girl A (as you didn't know about Girl B). Mrs PTA thought that Girl B should be included, so has gone around telling people that the collection going around school is for both. You bank the money with the office, pleased to see it has reached your target of £80 and go and buy a gift. Mrs PTA goes to the office, collects the money and is planning to buy two presents with it, one for Girl A and one for Girl B. You then confronted her and the rest is as documented.

Or am I being too generous about Mrs PTA?

Benedikte2 · 27/09/2016 13:48

PTA woman cannot change the terms of the fund after money has been collected -- needs to go back and ask each donor if they consent.
Tell the head that you do not wish to be accused of misrepresentation -- you are innocent but actions of PTA woman has caused a misrepresentation (novus intervenus) . There is likely to be a problem when PTA funds are audited unless PTA enters a erroneous purpose for the fund and what it was spent on. This has been a breach of trust, whichever way you look at it (I have law degree).

BTW does the PTA now intend to raise £80 every time a pupil is admitted to hospital? After all according to PTA woman they want to treat everyone equally.

I'm afraid Id feel a lot bolshier than you OP and would send a statement to the head and say if matter not cleared up I'd have to take PTA woman's advice and send a note to all the parents apologising for fact that their generous donations had been misappropriated and asking for a further donation for intended purpose.
Good luck

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 27/09/2016 13:49

Be very clear with the Head, OP, that you left the money with the school office for safe keeping.

You spent the amount of money on gifts as per the premise of your collection. You now need that money to be reimbursed.

Reinforce that you didn't even know Girl B was ill so you hadn't solicited contributions for her and you hadn't been consulted by PTA woman who didn't consult or communicate with you at all, but outright lied misrepresented the facts.

There's absolutely no need for you to feel upset or bullied over this, it's extremely clear cut and it's up to the school and PTA to fix.

JellyBelli · 27/09/2016 13:49

Its theft, go to the police and make a complaint.

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