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AIBU?

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Original poster

Weird one. Should I be narked at this lady for swiping a collection at school and using for another purpose?

254 replies

iJoan · 27/09/2016 12:38

Can I preface the post (NC so as not to get me in too much hot water) by saying I have had a pretty shit couple of months so may be a bit whiney and sensitive Blush

A friend of my DD's at school got the devastating news that she was DX with a life threatening illness. She's been off school for the last couple of weeks. The family are very sweet and do a lot for others (including me)in the school. I thought it would be a nice gesture to do a collection so we could buy the girl some specific things to keep her occupied in hospital- The budget was £80 and the amount was reached very quickly and folks were very generous.

Unbeknownst to me another girl in another class had to have a routine operation last week which would require her being off school for a couple of weeks.

A lady who is senior in the PTA (who I do not know well) asked for the collection money which was being held in the school office. She told the admin staff that since the second girl was in the hospital the collection had changed (er no it hadn't)and she was going to organise a gift for her.

She spent all the money on the second girl. Leaving me looking like an idiot.

I approached her about it and got a gob full about treating the girls differently Confused

I already spent the money on a gift for the original child which was very much appreciated. I am now £80 down and look a bit shady and am finding it very hard to bite my lip whilst the PTA lady is thanked for such a lovely idea!

RANT OVER!

OP posts:
JessieMcJessie · 27/09/2016 13:12

Sorry this makes no sense whatsoever.

Imagine you were asked to make a charity donation to the Red Cross. Then the person with the tin decides unilaterally to give the money to Marie Curie instead. The money would have been obtained from you on false pretences. It's exactly the same here- people gave money for girl 1 and that money has been spent without their consent on Girl 2.

What on earth was going through the PTA woman's mind to make her think it was acceptable to leave girl 1 with nothing after kind people had given her 80 quid (she presumably had no idea you'd have spent your own money upfront for the pressie)? It's so ridiculous I am inclined to think that there must have been some sort of misunderstanding. I think you do have to involve the head here, or at least someone else senior in the school. Let us know how you get on.

DesolateWaist · 27/09/2016 13:12

I almost see the other woman's point.
One child in hospital and there is a collection. Another is in hospital and there isn't.
But this very much wasn't on.
People who gave to child one might not know the other girl or they might have given a larger amount because they are close to that girl etc.

RebootYourEngine · 27/09/2016 13:13

I chose who i donate money to so if i found out that the money had gone to someone else i would be annoyed.

RebootYourEngine · 27/09/2016 13:14

*choose

Original poster
iJoan · 27/09/2016 13:14

Ugh, she does know the girl B very well- it's very DD's close friend. Right. I'm going to shut my hole now as I'm going to overshare in a minute and end up on BBC Breakfast News Wink

OP posts:
kali110 · 27/09/2016 13:14

Do not let this drop.
I'd be threatening them with the police.

PersianCatLady · 27/09/2016 13:15

Techinically I don't think it is theft
It is theft.

Theft - "A person is guilty of theft if he dishonestly appropriates property belonging to another with the intention of permanently depriving the other of it; and “thief” and “steal” shall be construed accordingly."

The PTA lady took the money belonging to girl one and has spend it on girl two.

BurningBridges · 27/09/2016 13:16

That means reception staff who handed it over are responsible, but due to employers' insurance the responsibility falls back to school/local authority (depending on what sort of school it is). So yes, deal directly with Head - use the phrase "misappropriation of funds".

CodyKing · 27/09/2016 13:16

This is the fundraising regulator

I'd be worried if she's in charge making decisions about funds as I'm sure the head teacher is well aware of his/her responsibility

Weird one. Should I be narked at this lady for swiping a collection at school and using for another purpose?
BuffaloCustardbath · 27/09/2016 13:16

I can't understand her reasoning at all, I'm sure the parents of the children in girl 2's class would have been happy to make donations to buy her some gifts as she's unwell... there really was no need to steal, even if she did have a bee in her bonnet that there was a collection for one child and not another.
Glad to hear you're not letting this lie OP, she sounds a right piece of work and needs to be stopped.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 27/09/2016 13:16

I'm shocked OP. The others that have posted have given you great advice on how to proceed. Whatever you do, don't do nothing.

I can't imagine PTA woman would be thought very highly of if the general population in the school were aware that she misappropriated funds raised for a specific cause.

We're all cheering you on to either speak directly with PTA woman about it or with the Head as it can't be allowed to lie.

BuffaloCustardbath · 27/09/2016 13:16

I can't understand her reasoning at all, I'm sure the parents of the children in girl 2's class would have been happy to make donations to buy her some gifts as she's unwell... there really was no need to steal, even if she did have a bee in her bonnet that there was a collection for one child and not another.
Glad to hear you're not letting this lie OP, she sounds a right piece of work and needs to be stopped.

CodyKing · 27/09/2016 13:16

This is the fundraising regulator

I'd be worried if she's in charge making decisions about funds as I'm sure the head teacher is well aware of his/her responsibility

Weird one. Should I be narked at this lady for swiping a collection at school and using for another purpose?
DeadGood · 27/09/2016 13:16

Agh I'm still annoyed on your behalf OP! Yes why the hell didn't this woman at the very least suggest going halves - the fact that she didn't shows that she is on a power trip has an agenda.

As for the sheer hypocrisy of accusing YOU of treating the girls differently... head explodes

rainbowstardrops · 27/09/2016 13:17

You're definitely doubt the right thing by speaking to the head - I'm sure they'd want to know!
Cheeky mare!

Gazelda · 27/09/2016 13:18

Just lay out the facts. Ask the Head for her/his help in rectifying the error.

It is theft and fraud. It reflects badly on the school and the PTA lady should be pulled up on this
(although it sounds as though she won't).

You need to be reimbursed.

Both girls should be kept in the dark.

The donors for Girl A should be confident that their cash has gone directly towards giving her a brighter time in hospital.

You've done a lovely thing OP, but I'm afraid the only right thing is to follow this through to get the funds back to their original cause.

DeadGood · 27/09/2016 13:20

"she does know the girl B very well- it's very DD's close friend."

SCREAM! How the ham sandwich does this woman think she would get away with this?! It's so blatant!!

NatalieRushman · 27/09/2016 13:20

This is, legally, theft. Definitely don't drop it.

diddl · 27/09/2016 13:20

So, she stole the money from one ill child & gave it to another.

How is that in any way acceptable?

If she thought it was unfair that there was nothing d=for the other girl that was one thing.

But to then take money not intended for her & use it for her?

If I had donated I'd be raising a stink about it.

It concerns those who gave money as well.

origamiwarrior · 27/09/2016 13:20

CodyKing. Out of interest, what does the asterisk associated with the MUST lead to in that excerpt you posted?

ijustwannadance · 27/09/2016 13:20

She stole the money and thought you would just shut up and go away and let her get away with it.

Don't.

She could've quite easily collected for child 2 herself.

WatchS20 · 27/09/2016 13:22

YA sooooo NBU.
Hope you can sort it out and the PTA woman who stole your money will be dealt with. Totally inappropriate. Grrr that made me pissed off on your behalf.

NoSquirrels · 27/09/2016 13:24

Yes, go to school.

I would go along the lines of: "Appears to have been a mix-up with the school office, PTA and collections for Girls A & B. I started a collection for Girl A, which made £80 and was in school office, but when I went to collect it, having bought the gifts myself, was told that it had been released to Ms X of the PTA. She says it has been spent on Girl B, which is obviously very difficult for me, as I am now £80 out of pocket. I'm also really uncomfortable that I asked people to donate to a specific cause and it's gone towards another collection I wasn't aware of. I'm sure there must have been a mix-up between the office and the other collection organised by the PTA & Ms X BOLLOCKS AM I THIEVING COW so would you please get to the bottom of it before any embarrassment occurs to either of the girls' families or the PTA? Thanks so much for your help."

CodyKing · 27/09/2016 13:24

MUST* is a legal requirement

MUST no start is not but should be reasonable

Weird one. Should I be narked at this lady for swiping a collection at school and using for another purpose?
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 27/09/2016 13:24

I think this is atrocious behaviour on the part of the PTA lady, and I am glad that you are taking this further with the school, OP. I hope you get it all sorted out.