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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Weird one. Should I be narked at this lady for swiping a collection at school and using for another purpose?

254 replies

iJoan · 27/09/2016 12:38

Can I preface the post (NC so as not to get me in too much hot water) by saying I have had a pretty shit couple of months so may be a bit whiney and sensitive Blush

A friend of my DD's at school got the devastating news that she was DX with a life threatening illness. She's been off school for the last couple of weeks. The family are very sweet and do a lot for others (including me)in the school. I thought it would be a nice gesture to do a collection so we could buy the girl some specific things to keep her occupied in hospital- The budget was £80 and the amount was reached very quickly and folks were very generous.

Unbeknownst to me another girl in another class had to have a routine operation last week which would require her being off school for a couple of weeks.

A lady who is senior in the PTA (who I do not know well) asked for the collection money which was being held in the school office. She told the admin staff that since the second girl was in the hospital the collection had changed (er no it hadn't)and she was going to organise a gift for her.

She spent all the money on the second girl. Leaving me looking like an idiot.

I approached her about it and got a gob full about treating the girls differently Confused

I already spent the money on a gift for the original child which was very much appreciated. I am now £80 down and look a bit shady and am finding it very hard to bite my lip whilst the PTA lady is thanked for such a lovely idea!

RANT OVER!

OP posts:
Maudlinmaud · 27/09/2016 12:50

Difficult and wrong situation. But you have given this person a chance to do the decent thing and she still hasnt. Flowers

DeadGood · 27/09/2016 12:50

No iJoan, your DH is wrong. If he is anything like mine, he would do anything for a quiet life. Ignore him.

Go to the school, talk to the Head Teacher, explain the situation, and ask what is to be done. You need the £80 that you fundraised, simple as that. Someone else will need to organise another collection for the other girl - she is quite frankly not your concern (that sounds v cold but it doesn't sound like you know her. Clearly PTA PITA knows her and has bare in her bonnet)

Longlost10 · 27/09/2016 12:50

but it is a crime, she cannot waltz in, grab somebody else's money, do what she likes with it, and laugh when challenged. That is stealing. It should be rights be a police matter. I appreciate the OP wants minimum fuss, but she cannot be allowed to do this. You have to do something. PM me her number, I'll leave her in no doubt about the legality of her actions!

Igotboredofmyotherusername · 27/09/2016 12:50

I dont see what lesson youre supposed to be learning. She has stolen this money, quite plainly.

Original poster
iJoan · 27/09/2016 12:50

I'd really like the money back- but if getting it means my DD's friend's family find out. I'm a bit too meek for that and really would leave a bad taste for them. Also I'd feel that there's also another girl who is poorly that is completely innocent in this (The other child who got the gifts).

Yes I know regarding DH- he says I should've held onto the money myself.

I will ty to see the Head and see what he says.

OP posts:
Longlost10 · 27/09/2016 12:51

( don't by the way, I might be tempted to really do it!)

mamas12 · 27/09/2016 12:51

Ring the head straightaway do not let this young girl and her family miss out
Focus on the girl the collection was for at all times bringing to attention any emails boxes with anything in writing
You can do it

DeadGood · 27/09/2016 12:51

*has a bee in her bonnet about her being left out. She probably feels embarrassed that she didn't think to fundraise herself for this kid - possibly a relation of hers or friend of her child.

I'll echo a PP here - who the fuck does she think she is? She absolutely cannot get away with this.

CodyKing · 27/09/2016 12:52

I'm not sure why you feel bad? You didn't steal the money - you didn't use it for someone else!

This needs to be highlighted because it's wrong

The PTA lady needs to explain herself and quick

LimitedSedition · 27/09/2016 12:52

Breeze in with the gift and receipts and ask for your money back like you don't know it's missing.

RhiWrites · 27/09/2016 12:53

For god sake, don't just let it lie. PTA lady can't appropriate collection money even for another good cause. She didn't even split the cash between the two sick children. Go to the head.

And if you won't do that then collect again. Explain PTA lady took the money and won't give it back and told you to collect again. Everyone who donated the first time will be up in arms.

But seriously go to the Head.

myownprivateidaho · 27/09/2016 12:54

Maybe the best thing to do would be to just explain the situation in a non-blaming way to the PTA. You collected £80 for Girl 1, crossed wires meant that it got spent on Girl 2, you have had to pay Girl 1's £80 out of your own pocket. I think that you're more likely to get a better result if you don't pin the blame on the other lady, firstly because then you might get her cooperation in resolving the matter, and secondly because if it's raised as a conflict it's more likely to get back to Girl 1 and/or Girl 2 (which I agree would be potentially upsetting). The PTA might have slush fund to help with this, the school might find the money to avoid ill feeling, or they might simply be willing to organise another collection to make up the loss.

PersianCatLady · 27/09/2016 12:55

I have nothing to say apart from I am absolutely disgusted about the way in which you have been treated by the PTA woman.

Bestthingever · 27/09/2016 12:55

You need to talk to the head immediately. Apart from you being out of pocket, people have donated money to a cause and it hasn't gone there. It's theft plain and simple. She has taken money that didn't belong to her.

Northernparent68 · 27/09/2016 12:55

I'd go so far as to say it's theft, while I would nt go to the police you could threaten to

eminthebigsmoke · 27/09/2016 12:55

Agree with others, you should contact her to say you were surprised at her reaction to your question about where the money had gone. I don't think you have to tell anyone anything at this stage but you could say that you expect the funds to be returned so that they can be used for their intended purpose, and that if she doesn't you will alert the school about the misappropriation of funds by a PTA member.

intheknickersoftime · 27/09/2016 12:55

This is most definitely some kind of weird power trip for pta mad woman. She knows your nice and do not want to upset the childrens families. I don't often say this but you need to stand up to the bitch! Wtaf does she think she's doing?

Minisoksmakehardwork · 27/09/2016 12:58

If the pta senior is not the chair then take it to the pta, explain there appears to have been a mix up and funds raised for a have been used for b. You have paid out but need reimbursing. Any pta worth their salt would ensure you weren't out of pocket and then they have effectively contributed £40 to each girl as matched fundraising so something nice could be done for both. Whilst some parents might feel aggrieved, others won't and it would soon get out somehow that pta lady 'stole' the money so it had to be made right.

Cockblocktopus · 27/09/2016 12:58

I'd be horribly embarrassed and want to just ignore it but because she is PTA I think you have to raise this with tha head.

Original poster
iJoan · 27/09/2016 12:58

I do hear what you are saying.
No I do not have anything to do with school committees

PTA lady is umm- very highly thought of and runs a lot there. I really have had to bite my lips when Ive heard people gushing a showing photos of the other poorly kid.

I am going to ask for meeting with head and feel like I have a bit of wind up me now. There are definitely parents who heard me collecting initially (for a single collection) and her name was written on the bloody envelope!

OP posts:
user1471534185 · 27/09/2016 13:00

so out of order by the PTA woman, she has now made you look bad with the people who donated for the original child, you can't let her get away with that, you must speak to the Head, please for your own reputation.

a7mints · 27/09/2016 13:00

I think there have been wires crossed somewhere.The PTA mum has heard about this collection and jumped to the conclusion it was for the second girl.
I would go in all innocent to the office and ask for the collection money and see what they say.The fault is ultimately with them.They accepted something for safe keeping and did not exercise due care.

wrapsuperstar · 27/09/2016 13:00

I'm agog. You did a wonderful kind thing and I totally get why you want to protect the little girl's family from hearing about all this fuss. You can't let PTA woman steal though. That's what she's done, she has stolen from every person who gave to the original collection! Unbelievable.

Thatwaslulu · 27/09/2016 13:00

The way I see it is this. If you held a Macmillan coffee morning, and people gave to that cause, and before you banked the money someone else decided that a colleague who had been off sick needed a comfort gift and used that money to fund it, that would be fraud. As it would be appropriating funds meant for another cause. I would definitely raise it with the school, and put it in writing too. Is the school an academy? If it is, you could escalate to the trust if you get no joy from the SLT.

WhisperingLoudly · 27/09/2016 13:00

You need to go to the head today.

Those saying this is a criminal offence are not over stating it. I was involved (professionally) with a woman on a PTA who appropriated donated funds and used them to pay of her debts when desperate. She ended up with a conviction for theft.

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