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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Weird one. Should I be narked at this lady for swiping a collection at school and using for another purpose?

254 replies

iJoan · 27/09/2016 12:38

Can I preface the post (NC so as not to get me in too much hot water) by saying I have had a pretty shit couple of months so may be a bit whiney and sensitive Blush

A friend of my DD's at school got the devastating news that she was DX with a life threatening illness. She's been off school for the last couple of weeks. The family are very sweet and do a lot for others (including me)in the school. I thought it would be a nice gesture to do a collection so we could buy the girl some specific things to keep her occupied in hospital- The budget was £80 and the amount was reached very quickly and folks were very generous.

Unbeknownst to me another girl in another class had to have a routine operation last week which would require her being off school for a couple of weeks.

A lady who is senior in the PTA (who I do not know well) asked for the collection money which was being held in the school office. She told the admin staff that since the second girl was in the hospital the collection had changed (er no it hadn't)and she was going to organise a gift for her.

She spent all the money on the second girl. Leaving me looking like an idiot.

I approached her about it and got a gob full about treating the girls differently Confused

I already spent the money on a gift for the original child which was very much appreciated. I am now £80 down and look a bit shady and am finding it very hard to bite my lip whilst the PTA lady is thanked for such a lovely idea!

RANT OVER!

OP posts:
Saltlake · 27/09/2016 13:00

Approach her anf say you need a word. Make no reference to earlier conversations.

I would say very politely that you would like the money back as obviously they are two very different situations. Tell her the money was donated for a specific purpose, and the funds have been allocated and spent. You are happy for her to fund raise for the other girl, and are glad she likes your idea.

Smile sweetly as you say you are happy to have had a chance to sort this out between yourselves, as whilst you are more than willing to chat to the head about the money being wrongly given to her, you thought it would be worth giving her the opportunity to avoid the embarrassment for her.

BurningBridges · 27/09/2016 13:01

Fundraiser here - you cannot change the purpose of the collection. It literally is theft. Whilst its highly unlikely to happen, in law everyone who contributed to the collection is entitled to be offered their money back and in fact could come to you and ask for it. The Head Teacher is responsible for allowing the collection on school premises, and the PTA lady did steal it - imagine if she just said right, I'm going to give this to sick ponies!

I can't understand why she simply didn't suggest to you that the collection was split? But in any case, the head will have to intervene. BTW did the woman in question say she was acting with her PTA hat on? In which case the PTA can be reported to their governing body (not the school GB).

Saltlake · 27/09/2016 13:01

Eat large Twix pre conversation, and plan coffee /wine/cake for after.

intheknickersoftime · 27/09/2016 13:03

There's a queen bee in every school op. Hold your nerve and stand up to her. These people are all fur coat and no knickers!

WhisperingLoudly · 27/09/2016 13:03

And don't keep quiet! You don't need to bitch or rant just calmly say you were disappointed she took the funds to spend on girl 2. People will get outraged all by themselves

Original poster
iJoan · 27/09/2016 13:03

I already asked for the envelope and was told "Oh PTALADY took it to buy the gifts"
I told them she had nothing to do with it and they all looked blankly- they referred me onto PTA lady and you know her reaction.

Anyway- I'm glad I posted. Am determined to see Head but will go in and appear confused as to the whereabouts to he money and what the process is for recovering it. I'd really rather not deal with PTAhun.

OP posts:
MoreCoffeeNow · 27/09/2016 13:04

Glad that you aren't letting it drop, OP.

origamiwarrior · 27/09/2016 13:04

Mumsnet is behind you iJoan! Don' you dare let it lie. The only right and fair outcome is for PTA woman to give you £80 cash. Anything less than that, and you should be reporting PTA to charity commission. Our PTA fundraised (holding several events) specifically to turn an area of woodland into a forest school. Then the council sold off the woodland for houses! We had to jump through loads of hoop with the head, the governors and the charity commission to decide what to do with the money, since people had donated specifically for the purposes of a forest school, not for the PTA's slush fund.

mygrandchildrenrock · 27/09/2016 13:04

I'm a Headteacher and I would want to know about this. I would sort it out, on this occasion but as someone has already said I would then instigate a 'no collection policy' at school!

MaryField · 27/09/2016 13:04

School office need their knuckles rapped. But maybe it was crossed wires on their part. PTA woman knows she's in the wrong, it's all bluster. Good luck

Sallycinnamum · 27/09/2016 13:04

OP do not take this lying down.

I'd be fucking furious if I'd donated money and it had gone somewhere else. You have a duty to those who donated to get this sorted ASAP.

seminakedinsomebodyelsesroom · 27/09/2016 13:05

So you did a collection for girl A, people donated money believing it would go to a present for girl A. PTA woman goes to office, gets collection for girl A and spends it on girl B? WTAF?

What about all the people that donated to girl A? Do they know their money didn't go to her?

You are 100% NBU.

seminakedinsomebodyelsesroom · 27/09/2016 13:05

I'd be fucking furious if I'd donated money and it had gone somewhere else. You have a duty to those who donated to get this sorted ASAP.

Yes this exactly.

WiIdfire · 27/09/2016 13:06

I'm all for a quiet life. But this is theft, plain and simple. If I had donated money to a cause, and it had gone to another cause, no matter how worthy, I would be very angry.
You cannot let this go.

Original poster
iJoan · 27/09/2016 13:06

Oh my God. I am sweating.

OP posts:
MarklahMarklah · 27/09/2016 13:07

I have links to a PTA and if something similar happened with a team member appropriating money for a cause other than which it was collected, our chair would see that heads were rolling.

You have done nothing wrong. People have donated in good faith to cause A.
PTA woman has taken it upon herself to appropriate this money for cause B - without discussing. At the very least, she should have approached you and suggested that the collection be split two ways. To do what she has done is essentially theft.

She must reimburse the money.

Personally, I'd steer clear of going the passive-aggressive route, or badmouthing her. Just present the facts to the Head Teacher.

I've done fundraising before too - you can't just switch the funding to something of your choice.

Dadstheworld · 27/09/2016 13:08

Techinically I don't think it is theft, More like misappropriation of funds. Still completely out of order.

I imagine the PTA types don't like others stealing their limelight, Give em hell.

Figgygal · 27/09/2016 13:08

Definitely need to go to the head the money was not donated for girl b but girl a and so for her and those who donated the head needs to get involved

LagunaBubbles · 27/09/2016 13:09

Why on any planet would someone think its ok to do this? Confused

Original poster
iJoan · 27/09/2016 13:09

Seminaked

Original girls family have posted photos on the closed social media site thanking school for the gifts.

There are only two ladies who know the truth and they are gobsmacked but they are my friends so supportive. One friend was the same as my DH and said to leave it and not take her on. I won't but will go to the head.

Ok- thanks guys. Will definitely make an appointment to see and ask for confidentiality for the family not to find out.

OP posts:
ijustwannadance · 27/09/2016 13:09

Do not just let it go. This woman deliberately stole the money that you had very clearly raised for child 1. Who the fuck does that?! Really?!

Don't go in to see the head all meek like a doormat. Simply tell him this woman took your collection money. No errors. No mistake. She never once discussed it with you before hand, and you will be needing reimbursement for loss. No compromises.

She clearly knows child 2. It's not like she even went halves for the 2 girls. She spent it all on one.

blueskyinmarch · 27/09/2016 13:09

PTA woman had no right to use the money you collected for another child. Hope your meeting with the head goes well.

Sara107 · 27/09/2016 13:11

That is really horrible, and I would imagine fraudulent. If you collect money for x purpose, and people give on this basis then it is not legitimate to use it for y. I don't know about legalities, but I'm sure if you collect for the British Heart Foundation you cannot then give the money to the Cats Protection League (for example) as people may not want their money going to the alternative cause. This wasn't a fund for sick children, it was for one particular child. How did you raise the collection - was there a letter or email that went out? Did it specify which child it was for? If so, take that along to the school head, with your receipts, and make a fuss.

SapphireStrange · 27/09/2016 13:11

She lied and stole.

Simple.

You have NOTHING to cringe about, and if it gets back to nice girl's family they (I'm assuming they're also nice) will know that.

Personally I'd tell everyone and their dog what had happened.

Good luck with the head. We're all cheering you on! and your husband is a wet dishcloth

TwatbadgingCuntfuckery · 27/09/2016 13:12

You are doing the right thing.

If this PTA cow can appropriate small funds like this for other uses imagine what she could do with the PTA funds kids work bloody hard to raise.

She could easily be doing the same else where because no one is challenging her!

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