To trust dads, more than men without children, at parks? :(

[debson]

I feel bad about this, but I have no clue if it's a normal way to feel and I can normally guess what Mumsnet would say so don't bother, but I really don't know about this.

I was in the park earlier with DC (5 and 9) I always sit on the bench closest to the only exist.

There have been a couple of times when a father (who clearly has DC at the park) help youngest DD onto the monkey bars for example, then just go with their kids on to a different bit of equipment. We are a friendly village and do tend to interact with the DC (if it's obvious they go to same school, etc.)

However, I've had it once where (and this is with 9 year old DD and no contact involved) a man was pointing to bits of the rope that DD should put her foot onto (you know, to help her get to the top) and I went over and made casual convo and he had no children there

Is it wrong to have not even thought for a second about that dad, but felt uneasy about that man for the rest of the time while we were there?

Kids are far more likely to be abused by someone the know, trust and love than by a stranger.
Or someone they just know and trust because their parents or another trusted adult have indicated that they can.
Being targeted by a stranger is a low risk, but would that make it any better if it was your child?

Gdarling like I said the only benches around where I live are located at parks that have 3ft fences around them? So should a man not go out if he can't walk that far as he should have no access to the local benches?

I agree with the OP. It's sad that the world has come to this but I would feel uncomfortable too.

Maybe he was a geocacher. Or had been for a walk and just needed a sit down and rest on a bench. Or was waiting for someone. It's really difficult to spot a pervert, but we have been conditioned by the media to see them everywhere. The paedophiles I knew were teachers at my school, and they didn't look like anything out of the ordinary or hang around playgrounds. I wouldn't worry too much, you were there supervising and your child wasn't touched or approached inappropriately. The time to worry is when the contact is underhand or secretive rather than someone pointing out a foothold on a climbing frame.

Once

no contact involved

Why immediately think it's sinister? You were there. If he'd tried anything, you would have been on it immediately.

To assume all 'dads' are safe around other children (including their own) is a naive and dangerous mistake to make.

I think studies have been done on this. For example many people if walking in a secluded area feel more relaxed if they pass a dog walker rather than a person on their own.

Today 23:09 albertcampionscat

Kids are far more likely to be abused by someone the know, trust and love than by a stranger.

^^ this is true at a population level but MY kids are far more likely to be abused by a stranger. So that affects my view.

YANBU. I'm not sure why people are so outraged that this made you feel uncomfortable. You would have been unreasonable to say something to the man as chances are he is there for any of the innocent reasons suggested by PP, but it is unusual for an adult to hang out in the children's part of the park,involving themselves with the kids' play when they don't have any DCs with them. My friend had to report a guy at a local park as he was filming lots of different DC on his phone, including hers, and didn't have any children with him. She thought he was filming his own children at first, but then he put his phone away and left the park alone.

it a sad world we live in now although i understand op why feel that way

i remember talking to my dad one day about this he said he used to say hi to kids all the time now doesnt even look them in the eye incase hes accused of being a pervert

I always find it odd on threads like this when people list all the innocent reasons the person may not be a risk and try and make the OP feel bad for being suspicious. You could do similar lists for why they could be a risk just as easily.

I like swinging on swings.

Some of the comments and attitudes on this thread are awful.

Ok pink we should just totally assume every man woman and child is a rapist, murderer, thief, liar, adulterer ( or adulterer to be) etc and act accordingly and treat everyone like they are. That'll be a fun world for everyone to live in

Dontyoulovecalpol

Well, no. We all go through life trusting those we are close to and love because the alternative is madness, but that doesn't make it true. Your husband, brother, colleague of twenty years are as likely to be bad people as anyone else. Your judgement is as likely to be bad as anyone else's.

Funnily enough, I wouldn't have been particularly bothered until I saw Monday's Crimewatch. I've never benn a "paedo round every corner" type, but seeing what happened to those poor little girls at Legoland made me sick.

Trouble is, we are all picturing our own local parks / parks known to us - in my park, it would be odd for someone with no dc to be that close to the children's apparatus, because it is all fenced off, and there are lots of benches and grassy areas outside of the play area, so it would seem strange for him to be there. In my life however, I've been to loads of parks where there could be legitimate reasons for anyone to be near to a rope climbing frame.
Context is the key here.

We are not talking about a man sitting on a bench away from kiddies playing....I wish people would concentrate on what the OP has said/asked.
And please don't be nieve, perhaps you should read a few more statistics before commenting on just how prevalent it is or isn't.
Would I rather put a persons back up or have a child's life ruined?........I'll leave that answer up to you!

GDarling

Everytime I pass my childhood park, I remember my dad who has passed away. It's poignant for me.

^^ this is true at a population level but MY kids are far more likely to be abused by a stranger. So that affects my view.

What a silly statement, don't you think the Mums of all those kids that have been abused think this.

changing your child if they have an accident
Admittedly, I was probably a horrible teacher, but I would never have considered changing a child after an accident.

I wouldn't be happy with any random person 'helping dd onto the monkey bars' tbh, regardless of gender or if they had children on not

Why on earth not?

Yes I would feel the same because unfortunately it is less socially acceptable these days due to all reasons listed above it would make me cautious too. It would also depend on the park and if it's one of those big parks that attracts people for a walk or a picnic or newspaper in the sun or a generic children's park with just play facilities.

Most of the men I know who have children of their own are very aware of the risk of accusation of having unhealthy interest in children. As a result they are very careful about their interactions with children not their own.

I would be cautious of someone who didnt have that awareness.

How awful and sad that childless men can't sit in children's parks and interact with children. It's not like men ever do anything to children, right? Silly mothers, worrying. Who cares if they feel worried? Far more important that men aren't inconvenienced. Of course if a child is attacked the mother will immediately be asked why she let a middle aged man interact with her child. And rightly so. Women are always to blame. They know the danger but they're not allowed to worry about it or guard against it.

If men are sooo sad about how women view them around children, what are they doing about it?

Perhaps we should take children to golf courses and let them enjoy running around, throwing balls etc. No harm in that, eh? If adult men can be in children's parks then it only seems fair.

Sparrowhawk