to not want to name new baby after dh's grandad who has just died?

[Egypt]

i feel cruel, but i just can't do it. dh has just lost his grandad, whom he was very close to. he desperately wants to use his name as a middle name if this baby - due end of march, turns out to be a boy. i feel emotionally blackmailed and that its not fair to impose a name on someone for the rest of their lives for the sake of the memory of someone else, if the name isn't.....nice. its not like we are going to ever forget him. i want my only son to have a name i am actually proud of and wont be totally embarrassed of forever. i'd feel i'd have to tell everyone who asked his name WHY we'd called him that. ok, so its a middle name, but ....am i being unreasonable?

...the name is .... Maurice

Hmmm.... could you have 2 middle names maybe so ds can forget about it if he wants to

hmmmm as a middle name i'd be inclined to do it for dh's sake tbh.

maurice isn't that bad.... i've known a few and they were lovely (although i did also have a cat calledmaurice )

Middle names aren't often used. Could you compromise? March is still a bit of time off, the baby may be a girl anyway, it isn't worth upsetting your other half when he has just lost his Grandad. I do understand how you feel as my youngest's middle name was picked by my eldest and I didn't realise it was my FIL's middle name. I wouldn't have wanted it, but my son picked it, and everyone knows it was because of my son and not my FIL.

Tough one. It's DH's son too and this is something he desperately wants. What's the harm?

I can see why you maybe wouldn't want to, but I also think it is nice to remember people in middle names - I think if it means a lot to your dh I would go with it tbh.

I agree with you. It would be a nice gesture but if you're not comfortable with it, then don't do it. See how you feel in March, you don't have to decide just yet. You might come round to the name by then, or feel exactly the same. Dh might see your side or become more passionate about it, onyl time will tell.

Well, we named ds1 Malcolm after FIL.Not a name I would have chosen otherwise. Dh wanted it as a first name but agreed to compromise and use it for the middle name.

I'm afraid you may cause very bad feelings if he deperately wants this.

if he "desperately wants to" then i think you should.

It won't be your DS's first name, or his only middle name perhaps.

I agree with tortoise. I'd probably do it as a middle name if it was so important to dh.

Why not give him two middle names? To be honest not many people quote their middle names these days aprt from official documents..

I had the similar situation when dd1 was born, my grandmother has just passed away. Her name was Elsie...I told my mum and dad that i was making her middle name Elise in memory of grandma. they weremore than happy. Sorry i cannot think of an anagram of his grandad's name...did dh's grandad have a middle name more pleasing to you that you could give to ds?

Do it, it's no problem, it will make your husband happy.

My middle name is Margaret and nobody ever ever knows it, mentions it, pickes up on it.

My nanna was called Margaret and i am proud to have a little of her heritage.

meany to say

and you refuse to go along.

hmm, maybe i am being mean then. thing that makes me a bit mad though, is that his grandad's first name is actually stephen, although he was known by everyone as maurice. when i asked why perhaps we couldnt have that instead, he replied, 'because i don't like it'. which is my point!

It's only your perception of the name.
If it means sooo much to your dh you could use it as a middle name and then never have to use it in any documents. So no-one would know about it if you know what I mean.

My son has his Grandads name. It's so old fashioned I'm not going to even mention it!!

However, my son is very proud of it, being named after his lovely Grandad. I've never put it on any school documents or records or anything like that - because you don't have too.

At the back of my mind though all I can picture is him, one day stood at the top of the aisle getting married and the vicar calling it out as I think you have to mention all names then!!!

Still if thats all there is too worry about when it's made my son (who is too young to know it's an unusual name!) and my dh happy then I was quite happy to go along with it.

I would say do it. It would be generous of you and your son and you don't have to mention it again if you don't want to!!

not worth upsetting your dh about tbh.
it wuld be different if it was ADolf or something but Maurice is a perfectly ordinary name, just a little old fashioned.
I expect your son would be proud to be named after a much loved great grandad who he will never get to meet.

i'm rooting for stephen!

I used to go to College with a Maurice....and god he was gorgeous......ahem but that was a few years ago.

It's a very emotive time I guess, could you both sort of not discuss it until you've had the baby??? Or maybe you'll have a girl anyway????

did maurice have a middle name?

how about maurices mothers surname. like the americans do?

I wanted to give my dd1 the middle name of her grandma, except I didn't like the name, so I shortened it (grandma's name was Dorothy, dd1's middle name Dee) and tbh, she has NEVER used it (13 now). I could have called her Dorothy and it would not have been an issue after she was about a week old!

Yes sorry I think you are being unreasonable.

Maurice can be shortened to Mo and if it's his middle name and he's not going to be known by it, what difference will it make anyway? And what's wrong with feeling you have to tell everyone why you'd called him that - I think it's interesting to hear people's tales of why they chose their children's names/ why they have their names. People are often pleased to have a history behind their names.

The thing is, if he wasn't called Stephen it's not much of a namesake in your dh's eyes IYSWIM.

You're not being unreasonable, because as mother of course you have a veto right over names, but if you can bring yourself to compromise it would be a lovely thing to do.
Also, what names are embarrassing changes all the time. Eg. a lot of the names that are very fashionable now used to be seen as old lady/old man names (Violet, Daisy, Ruby, Arthur, Alf etc) - we would have been embarrassed by those as children but now they are seen as lovely. I don't think your son will go through life embarrassed about his name.

I have given my son a name that I'm not hugely keen on because it was dh's dad's name (and then we had to give him my dad's name as middle name so my dad didn't get offended!) because I disliked that less than dh disliked the names I wanted!

Of course if it carries on making you cringe don't do it, but if you can re-educate yourself to stop cringing it would be a lovely gesture IMHO!

Hmm, what a difficult situation. My brother was given the names of both his grandfathers as his middle names - one of which was Ralph - and it was the sort of thing that attracted much ridicule when kids are at an age to do such a thing (I remember a boy in my class whose middle name was Barrington and he received the same treatment). Kids can be mean.

oops pressed post before I had finished!

What I was going to go on and point out is that Ralph isn't quite as unacceptable as it was back then - think of Ralph Fiennes!! Maybe the same will be true of Maurice in time

i'll try very hard to stop making myself cringe until the baby is born i guess, and then see what occurs!~ (has the site been down, not been able to get on for a bit).

i just know i wouldnt go on about it to dh if it was the other way round. there's no way i'd try to make him name his son with a name he didn't like. i know he would also not choose to name him maurice if he didn't like the name himself. maybe my issue is more about dh!

thanks for all your comments. i guess it's put things into perspective.