To expect the kids to be picked up after?

[RavioliOnToast]

My dfil has had both DDs 4(in school until 3pm) and 19mo today and Wednesday. Wednesday he took them to McDonald's for tea, when I came home (approx 2 hours after they'd eaten) to McDonald's bags all over the kitchen, empty happy meal boxes, half used pots of ketchup all over the kitchen table and food on the floor. Today, again (approx 2 hours after they'd eaten) I came back to food on plates and all over the floor, trailed through the passage into the living room, empty food boxes all over the kitchen. Now I don't even expect him to do the dishes but aibu in thinking he should have put the wrappers/discarded food into the bin and swept up after them? Youngest DD had emptied older DDs school bag all over the floor so there was uniform and homework all over and he'd just left it? Am I bang out of order being a bit pussed off?

But putting mcdonalds wrappers in the bloody bin isnt exhausting even for a poor run ragged 55yr old he could have rallied the 4yrolds into helping pfft no excuse

Each individual thing isn't exhausting but the cumulative effect is. Maybe he meant to do it and forgot, maybe he remembered but he was comfy on the sofa with the kids so was waiting until he got up to make a cuppa and OP came home first. It's hardly the crime of the century and if he was the children's mother he'd have been offered tea and sympathy from posters. Especially if she'd said that her DH had come home and been annoyed.

Wankers in the case of this...

"WIBU to get them McDonald's for tea and leave DH to clear up when he gets in? He's only been on a training course, that's not even real work right? And I'm just exhausted today."

My reply is...yes yabu you lazy cow. It is not for your dh to come in and start picking up your food wrappers from the bloody floor! What the hell is wrong with you?!

This premise that mn clings to...that we ought to be falling over ourselves in gratitude if someone babysits for us, has reached bullshit proportions now.
Anyone arguing here that the fil should not have felt compelled to put his own rubbish in the bin has been caught up in it all and lost perspective.

Yes, your reworked example makes DFIL sound even more lazy and unreasonable.

Pictish, you'd be the lone voice of dissent on that thread.

Yes, most people would pick up after themselves, but we only have the OP's side of the story here, we have no idea whether he was lazy or simply had had enough or was tired or was passed of at the OP for something. But then I've never really had anyone babysit for me so I don't expect people to do stuff for me for nothing.

"Fil is 55ish I believe"

Fucksake. My dad is 75 with health problems (C.O.P and heart arrythmia), but he would never leave either my or DM's and his house in such a state. Rubbish would be in the bin, dishes washed up and surfaces wiped.

Your FIL sounds like a right messy sod. I doubt he'll change now, though. I'd find alternative childcare if I were you.

"Pictish, you'd be the lone voice of dissent on that thread."

Yes I have retained the ability to think outside the herd mentality. Thank you.

And of course we've only got the OP's side of things...doesn't mean you can just fabricate the other side and post as if it were fact. Come on now.

Wankers I'm with pictish as I say waaaay up thread. You don't leave someone else's home a bomb site, I couldn't give a shiny shite what the MN sheep think.

My mum is 80 and not on the best of health - she might not pick up all the toys but she would clean up after meals and get DC to help in general.

You can't decide at what age people find childcare too much. That varies for many people and in my alternate post, I'd agree that the parent was lazy, but it's her house, her kids and her mess.

Which is an awful argument that's trotted out so often on here, 'my house my rules'. Thankfully I don't know anyone in RL who thinks in this ludicrous manner, my family and friends tend towards the considerate, kind and helpful. Not the 'I haven't be paid and anyway it's not my house so I'll leave it in a shitheap' mentality.

Don't think you've read the post properly River.

Yes, I have, thanks.

I presume that you were replying to my post? If not the carry on....

As an asides...this trend MN has cultivated whereby babysitting is beheld as the ultimate sacrifice that trumps all, is just awful.

"Pay for childcare then!"
"You sound entitled."

Our culture treats parents, and in particular mothers, like shit and this mindset is a good example of how insidious it is.

*beholden?

All this free childcare baffles me if you are not paying you can't expect is pish if families help each other out then its not to much to expect a nappy change and put rubbish in a bucket if babysitters cant manage that then say no im sorry i cant manage but fgs change a nappy and pick up bits and pieces

I think my view is clouded by having no one to help with childcare so my response to threads like this is that I would give my left arm for any free family help and wouldn't care at all about the mess. Buts that's more about me and in reality, yes, it is not unreasonable to expect him to tidy up after the kids.

To the poster that said my training course wasn't real work, for my training I'm on with one other member of staff who is just observing me while I look after a middle aged man with the mentality of a 4 year old, severe autism, challenging behaviour and severe OCD. That's why I was knackered.

Ravioli, it was me that used that phrase and it was part of a tongue in cheek post to illustrate the opposite view to what you posted and it was sarcastic. There are a core of people who think that working out of the house/attending training is the easy option and that no-on has it worse than a SAHP.

YANBU, he sounds a bit slobby and it's frustrating to come home to a messy house after a hard day at work.
My first thought was how lucky that your Fil is happy to look after your children by himself. Neither my Dad or Fil would ever look after my DCs (under 6) by themselves for more than an hour. So if they suddenly felt able to help out for a whole day, I'd be overjoyed and not at all bothered about the mess. I guess it's all relative!

Sorry I didn't realise Wankers, I'm a bit defensive over the job after having a really really tough first week and nobody really 'getting' it.

No problem Ravioli, it is tough and it would be great to come home to a nice tidy house, all I was saying is that without knowing if your fil is generally lazy, it could just be that he wasn't having a great day either and that he probably didn't do it deliberately or to make you feel rotten, he could have been tired too and just didn't get round to it.

I just know as a middle aged person, looking after toddlers can be exhausting - maybe it's just me though :o

YANBU. He could have put wrappers in the bin at least. It's not reasonable to expect people who provide free childcare to do regular housework too (eg laundry, vacuuming, dusting , cleaning bathrooms etc)but this would have taken all of 3 minutes

What a load of bollocks.

If you don't pay someone for babysitting you have no right to expect them to clean up food wrappers?

fuck. that.

I can't imagine my mum leaving mess like that while looking after the kids. It's rude and it is lazy and anyone who thinks that just because FIL didn't get paid means it's fine for him to leave rubbish out is bonkers.

What a horrible attitude. Don't get paid, do the bare minimum? This is family!

In fact, let's reword the OP a little.

I've been home with a clingy toddler all day and collected 4 year old from school and she is tired and cranky, as am I. WIBU to get them McDonald's for tea and leave DH to clear up when he gets in? He's only been on a training course, that's not even real work right? And I'm just exhausted today.

Are you for real? If my husband left rubbish for me to clean up when I've been working I would go mad. He would never be so disrespectful of me to do that though, thank god.