To expect the kids to be picked up after?

[RavioliOnToast]

My dfil has had both DDs 4(in school until 3pm) and 19mo today and Wednesday. Wednesday he took them to McDonald's for tea, when I came home (approx 2 hours after they'd eaten) to McDonald's bags all over the kitchen, empty happy meal boxes, half used pots of ketchup all over the kitchen table and food on the floor. Today, again (approx 2 hours after they'd eaten) I came back to food on plates and all over the floor, trailed through the passage into the living room, empty food boxes all over the kitchen. Now I don't even expect him to do the dishes but aibu in thinking he should have put the wrappers/discarded food into the bin and swept up after them? Youngest DD had emptied older DDs school bag all over the floor so there was uniform and homework all over and he'd just left it? Am I bang out of order being a bit pussed off?

I agree with hully. Just because you're doing someone a favour by looking after their kids, doesn't mean it's acceptable to see how much mess you can make of their house.

Next time I house sit for someone, shall I just leave my shit everywhere for them to clean up when they get home? I mean, I'm doing them a favour right?

Assuming that your not paying him, a suck it up.

As for then using him "one day a week and a night" in the future, if you're not happy pay for childcare.

I agree

I personally, no. I don't leave stuff out at my home so wouldn't at others. But other people's home sways have crap everywhere so I assume they would probably do the same if left here long enough

Honestly my nan used to do a lot of free childcare for me in school holidays (she was in her 60s and wanted to). She basically let my dc run ferel. They'd be allowed to play out in their pyjamas, live off of junk and wouldn't of had a bath for a week. I was just glad that they enjoyed themselves and how much money she had saved me with holiday clubs.

If she ever had them at my house every single room would be trashed. Yes it annoyed me that she was more interested in reading her kindle then telling them to clean up after themselves but she was doing me a favour and I bought her flowers. You do have to Suck it up or pay.

I said my DH would have them while I was at work Chipped

If he's saving me the equivalent of £200 a week the mess would be something I'd overlook. Sadly a bit of mess doesn't seem to register or bother most men

He's had them from 10.30-5.30 and dd2 naps for 2.5 hours and dd1 was at school until 3.10 when I came in they were watching tv calm and quiet as anything.

I think I would let him hear you reproaching the 4 yr old for leaving such a mess. loudly and repeatedly. It might sink in that he should see to a bit of it. Bit PA but still!

Sorry misread it.

I still think if your not happy pay for a childminder.

I'm quite shocked at the amount of people saying IABU as I really didn't think I was TBH. I'm so exhausted tonight too. My job is very physically (sometimes) and mentally demanding and I've been hands on all week.

It depends, if the kids are playing quietly somewhere and he's sitting down reading the paper surrounded by crap then yanbu

If he spends the whole time having a crash course in looking after small children and is run ragged then yabu - looking after children needs practice and if being in sole charge is something he hasn't done before then it's not fair to expect him to do the other stuff as well

Well today was the last planned day for him to watch the dcs so I don't think it'll happen for a long time, if at all again.

I think my dad took years to get up the confidence to babysit solo, and that's without having 3 of them or doing nappies. I am may be projecting but possibly he's put himself way out of his comfort zone to help you out, however trivial the task looks to you.

My three year old can tidy up a MacDonald's meal its all I can do to stop him cleaning up other peoples messes too

Yanbu it takes a few minutes to clean up a little bit

When him and MIL divorced, he got sole custody of the kids, they were 2 and 4. So very similar ages to my two. Granted it was ages ago but he knows how to parent!

Yabu but can get the heartsink moment of coming home mentally exhausted from learning something new in a new environment.

Will be over soon so think sucking it up and being grateful to fil who is doing you a big favor is a good plan

FIL is making sure you only use him for childcare an absolute last resort. Smart man.

so arepeople saying if they offered to babysit round someones house they would leave mess everywhere coz its free?

bit ott-doesnt take aminute to put things in the bin

Think that's pretty mean, he won't get to watch his grandchildren because you are having a strop over a little bit of mess?

Also, I would have told 4 year old off. At 4 I would expect them to clear table, bin rubbish, and leave dirty plates etc near sink tidy

Your first post was enough to think you're being very demanding and unreasonable. Then your next ones confirmed it. Those ages are hard work when he's not had small kids for years. Behave.

He's not parenting them though. He's doing you a favour by looking after them he's not you're cleaner as well.

YANBU. Most people would never leave leave a mess like that after feeding DC. I'm assuming he's not used to caring for DC or cooking etc.

I know you aren't anticipating him caring for them again but I'd be inclined to leave really easy picnic food for them to minimise the mess and say it's so you can come home to rest a bit after your exhausting day.

All I can see at the moment is that you needed to be somewhere, your FiL offered to babysit, doing you a favour, he bought them their supper and instead of saying 'Thank you, lovely Fil for looking after my children and doing me a massive favour and saving me a potload of money in childminder fees' you are just moaning about him not picking up some packaging and will be reluctant to allow him to babysit again. lconfused]

Were the children happy? Fed? Clean? Not wound up and ready for bed? Massively unreasonable.

I'm not saying he can't look after them at all, what I'm saying is he really very rarely does. He goes golfing and away (is away next week) but always has his own things to do. I'd love it if he had more of a relationship with the kids actually. And of course I thanked him profusely when I came home, I could have just done without the food and packets everywhere and burning my entire forearm on the hob.