To expect the kids to be picked up after?

[RavioliOnToast]

My dfil has had both DDs 4(in school until 3pm) and 19mo today and Wednesday. Wednesday he took them to McDonald's for tea, when I came home (approx 2 hours after they'd eaten) to McDonald's bags all over the kitchen, empty happy meal boxes, half used pots of ketchup all over the kitchen table and food on the floor. Today, again (approx 2 hours after they'd eaten) I came back to food on plates and all over the floor, trailed through the passage into the living room, empty food boxes all over the kitchen. Now I don't even expect him to do the dishes but aibu in thinking he should have put the wrappers/discarded food into the bin and swept up after them? Youngest DD had emptied older DDs school bag all over the floor so there was uniform and homework all over and he'd just left it? Am I bang out of order being a bit pussed off?

My dad use to watch my kids for me one day after school whilst I worker..Id come back and the house was total chaos. He'd just sat on his phone whilst they'd wrecked the place.

Don't get me wrong it use to make me raging BUT I just had to suck it up because he was helping me out .I did though after about two months just get a childminder as it was easier and the kids were properly interacted with.

Either it is a big hassle to tidy up, in which case maybe he didn't get time, or it's a quick and easy job, in which case I don't see why you're so fussed.

I can see where you're coming from, op. I can't understand why tidying away the rubbish and sticking the dishes in the sink can't be done when the meal is over to save you walking into a tip after a long day.

oh hully the voice of reason and sweetness - I have missed you
and I agree OP - it really only takes 2 mins.

Both really. He's possibly finding it all a bit much. Two 4yos and a 19 mth old if quite a handful. It's very different if they are your own children.

Free childcare means that you make sacrifices unfortunately.

All this said I think you can ask your FIL to support you in asking that the children themselves throw their own rubbish away. It isn't his job to clear up the rubbish it is their job. But he can say 'You need to throw your packets in the bin. Mum's instructions' The mess from the kievs is just tough luck.

Instruct your 4 yr old to tidy up after the meal. She should be capable, and should be learning this sort of thing anyway.

My dad used to look after DS when i went back to work (for a whole year before mum retired and was around to help him).

I would get in from work to general mess (unless my mum had got there first and tidied up for me). DS usually had shit up the back of the babygrow (my dad hadn't changed nappies before - but did try), he once had a whole large coke in Mcdonalds followed by candyfloss and regularly missed meals for ice-cream.

However, they had an amazing time - they played in the park, visited the horses, chased monsters in the park, went to the farm, made up imaginary stories and had the most amazing bond.

My dad is dead now and I don't regret the bad diet, shitty clothes and messy house at all. DS still remembers him - 4 years later - and I'm glad I put up with the mess and dirt and bad diet (which did irritate the hell out of me at the time).

I'd be fuming too, but what sunshine75 says is right. If he looks after the kids well in that you feel they are safe, and he plays with them and has fun with them and enjoys it, then I'd get over the mess. If he finds it hard work and only really does it as a favour to you, not because he's that keen on looking after the children, and the mess is evidence of that, then I'd definitely be looking for regular paid childcare instead.

But I do understand why you are fuming, I can't bear being the default picker-upper.

I think the pros of him doing you a favour outweigh the cons of a bit of mess.

I was surprised to see that you said I'm quite shocked at the amount of people saying IABU as I really didn't think I was TBH - why did you ask then?

Would I leave a mess in someone else's house if I was babysitting? No.

Would I be remotely bothered if someone looked after my children to help me out, and I came home to 2 mins worth of cleaning still to do?
No.

Hmm. It is doing you a big favour but I think putting rubbish in the bin and changing a nappy is part and parcel of the favour itself really. That's what goes along with looking after children. But maybe he really was struggling with it all.

The amount of 'he should have cleared up' comments on here is interesting, possibly weighted by the fact that a popular poster added her voice to that side on page 1.
If a sahm had posted 'I'm exhausted, had an awful day with children and dh came in and moaned about the mess' she would have had unanimous support with comments of 'why can't he do it, you've been working all day too.' Now, Add to that, it's not his children and it's nothing he's used to.

sigh, I can't be arsed to now clean this up after my day...

Maybe he felt the same? Maybe he should have made you dinner as well?

Wow. Free childcare and a cleaner? Anything else? Massively unreasonable and ungrateful.

I don't get the cleaner comments. She doesn't want him to clean her house ffs, just pick up after himself.

Yanbu OP but I think it's a mild gripe rather than a massive issue. Personally I wouldn't leave crap all over someone's house even if I was doing them a favour.

Did you tell him he'd left the hob on? What did he say?

Ok, Approx 10 mins irritation's fine. But after that (following presumable cooling down time after which you still find yourself being annoyed enough to post to MN) you may need to ask yourself if your free childcare expecations might be setting the bar a bit high? For you it's convenient childcare. For FiL it's together time with DGC - the small print doesn't mean clearing up after them (same deal if it was MiL). Kids are tiring for parents let alone GPs. He's doing a favour - so cutting a wee bit of slack might be in order.

Of course yanbu, this bullshit us truly an 'only on MN' thing. Basic clearing up is just what you do.

It's for your DH to broach though, it's his dad. 55 is no age, he's hardly in his dotage.

I'd suck this one up, tbh.

Actually I think I'd be more annoyed about the nappy than the mess, I'd be pretty upset to find one of my children in an hours old dirty nappy.

yeah i'd be annoyed. yes he's done you a massive favour, but i'd still be sticking him at the bottom of the childcare list. mcd's packets ok. food on floor errr ok. hob left on? fucking not ok.

oh yes, forgot about the nappy. def black mark.

YANBU.

Leaving all the mess for someone else to clean up is a shitty example for the kid's too. They should all have put the rubbish in the bin when they finished, it's not that fucking hard is it?

Am at the answers on this thread.
So because you aren't paid to look after your own grand children as an occasional help, then it means you entitled to behave in the rudest way possible.

No one would ever think, whatever the circumstances, visiting a relative, being at friends, whatever, that leaving all your garbage in the kiddie of the kitchen and not putting in it the bin, is an acceptable behaviour.
But somehow because this guy is spending time with his grand children, that's OK...
What next? Shall we now expect grand parents to be paid when they have their grand children over? Because you know, grand parents never ever want to spend time with their dgc. Oh no. It's just such a chore that they HAVE to be paid

OP YANBU

I think the hob being left on is simply an accident, so forgivable. Though I would still have a rant because of the risk it caused.

Rubbish left everywhere is not an accident, it is pure laziness.

IT wouldn't occur to me not to do it iyswim?

yanbu.